#dusks venting

[duskyumbra101]

Vent tw, weight mention but nothing too bad I think. Also overeating

I just want to be at a fucking healthy weight. I don't want to be malnourished and deficit of every damn vitamin there is.

I try to look up advice online for gaining weight, and what do I get?

Weight loss tips.

It's only ever weight loss tips.

I don't want to lose any more weight than I already have. I CAN'T lose any more weight.

I don't even know what to do because there isn't any information on how to gain weight literally anywhere. I've been trying to eat more, even more than what's good for me. I've been trying to eat more fatty things and more sugar. Ive tried eating until I feel sick. No matter what I just can't gain weight. I was doing so well, why can I suddenly not progress anymore?

I want my old body back. I want to be healthy again.

[duskyumbra101]

So I just got news that my rabbit passed away last night

I'm going to need some time to process and theres the possibility I will be less active but also

I need to shout out my friend. as soon as i told him he drove to my house with his bunnies and he let me hold them to help me feel better

Im so grateful to have a friend willing to do that for me. It's gonna be a long time before i fully process her death but at least im not doing it alone

[duskyumbra101]

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Being an angel and having religious trauma is so ironic on so many levels.

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[duskyumbra101]

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sdhfuhsfhu my stomach hurts bad now bc i found untagged triggering content and threw up..

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[duskyumbra101]

(Vent warning, I'm talking about hating being underweight so if that's triggering don't look below the cut.)

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90

90 fucking pounds.

That's how much I weigh. Why is that being treated like a good thing? It's so fucking unhealthy. I'm not healthy. I'm not happy with my body. I lost so much weight last year because I had a bad depressive episode and now I can't gain it back and I hate it. I hate being skinny so bad. It feels so wrong.

90 pounds is not a healthy weight at my age at all. Like, that's genuinely nearing dangerous territory, but I can never talk about it because literally everyone loves to promote eating disorders and they're all, "no it's good you lost weight!" NO. It isn't good at all. How fucking dare you tell me that the thing making me suffer is a positive thing. I swear if I didn't get in trouble for it I'd hit these folks for saying that.

My mom is actually competent and taking it seriously at least, so thats one good thing here. Still, everyone else is pissing me off trying to act like losing weight is automatically a good thing and gaining it is automatically bad.

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