1. ❛ i’m not one to blow my own vertubenflugen. ❜
2. ❛ isn’t a fact that you have a drawer full of retirement home brochures & you’re just waiting for the first sign of dribble on your mother’s chin to lock her away forever? ❜
3. ❛ tell me the truth. do these glasses make me look stupid? ❜
4. ❛ well, it’s unspeakable, that’s what it is. absolutely unspeakable. ❜
5. ❛ just because you walk around looking like an english lawyer doesn’t mean everybody has to. ❜
6. ❛ college isn’t really my style. i attend the school of life. ❜
7. ❛ you can go straight to h-e-double hockey sticks! ❜
8. ❛ i feel lousy, & being mean to you just makes me feel better. ❜
9. ❛ hello there, tall, dark, & jolly. ❜
10. ❛ my god, i’m hallucinating. i see little balls of sunshine in a bag. ❜
11. ❛ what happens when there’s only one of us left? ❜
12. ❛ i guess there’s a lesson to be learned here. sometimes life just isn’t fair, kiddo. ❜
13. ❛ i am shocked & i want details! ❜
14. ❛ let’s rent an adult video, drink mimosas, & french kiss the pillows. ❜
15. ❛ here we are, in the middle of a crisis, & there’s no cheesecake. ❜
16. ❛ you look like a prostitute. ❜
17. ❛ she says you are the scum of the earth, — but she said it with a lot of love in her eyes. ❜
18. ❛ i’m the biggest slut. ❜
19. ❛ gee, with only three hours’ sleep, i can be as bitchy as you. ❜
20. ❛ you’re always a bit ornery, unpleasant, impolite, even downright mean. that’s part of your charm. ❜
21. ❛ thank you, you bed-hopping relic. ❜
22. ❛ i could vomit just looking at you. ❜
23. ❛ i am upset because i was not the center of attention & nobody said i was the prettiest. ❜
24. ❛ oh, blow it out your tubenburbles! ❜
25. ❛ i haven’t had to disappoint this many men since daddy tore down the tree house. ❜
26. ❛ isn’t it amazing how i can feel so bad & still look so good? ❜
27. ❛ i could get herpes listening to this story! ❜
28. ❛ i have a rule. if i can’t pronounce it, i don’t put it in my mouth. ❜
29. ❛ is that ‘ kick me hard ‘ sign a fashion statement? ❜
30. ❛ come on, like you never pretended to be possessed by somebody’s dead husband of a couple of laughs. ❜