#dxparents

[dxmedstudent]

We're in a heatwave and my cranky baby refuses to nap if he isn't attached to me like a limpet. Send help.

[dxmedstudent]

Spring is here...and so is Baby!

(TW: mild, non graphic discussion of pregnancy and birth).

Pictured: my first ever mothers' day presents, a bouquet of mixed purple and white flowers, and a bunch of daffodils.

So I'll probably post about my pregnancy in more depth at some point as it was an interesting experience that is hard to believe is actually over.

However, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (rather unusually, this was weeks after my initial OGTT was negative!) after he measured a little big. We managed to control it well initially, but over the weeks it became more difficult to manage.

DxBaby was due in late March, and around 3 weeks ago I had just taken some leave at around 37 weeks with the aim of getting some preparation done before he was born. I was also hoping for a little rest before the chaos.

Unfortunately, we kept having concerns about his movements or my blood sugars, and my diabetes team and obstetrician became increasingly concerned about the prospect of waiting until after 39 weeks to deliver. As diabetes in pregnancy is linked to placental function, and reduced movements can potentially be a sign-off placental dysfunction, we all felt that the safest thing was getting baby out early before the placenta function got worse. Gestational diabetes increases the risk of stillbirth - albeit the risk is highest in those who aren't diagnosed or treated. It's a relief to have our baby in our arms, it's been a long journey and there were times that I thought we might never be where we are today.

The decision was made to bring things forward and the date got moved a couple of times, resulting in an early term CS at fairly short notice!

The day itself went smoothly and the operation went really well - baby was born to a Studio Ghibli playlist because I left it to DxDude to decide on something relaxing. It was a great experience and I felt well looked after.

I think I have recovered well in general - the pain was initially a big hurdle, and it's a big adjustment mentally as one might expect.

We've had some problems with establishing breastfeeding, and are making progress with a lot of support from various professionals. Currently baby is on quite an intensive top up regimen with expressed milk which has worked - but it's quite time consuming to breastfeed and pump and give expressed top ups, and I'm still struggling with getting a good latch consistently so it is pretty sore at times.

To be honest, that probably didn't help my baby blues, though I'm doing better and I hope I'm over the worst of it now. Overall, we have had a lot of laughter and it's been an amazing bonding experience so far, we're both happy with how things are going. But it's amazing how one minute you can be feeling great and the next you can be in tears and feeling like the worst parent ever ever something incredibly minor.

Unfortunately a couple of our household appliances chose to break not long after and we had planned to move house but unfortunately the sale fell through, so I've had a fair bit of non-baby drama to keep us occupied.

Oh and poor Sherlock got stress cystitis. He's been a very good boy at adjusting to baby in general, but it's still a LOT for him to process. He's doing a bit better now but I still feel bad for him because we can't always give him time when he wants us to. I hope that as baby feeds a bit less often in the coming months I can spend more time with him.

Baby is very cute, even for a newborn who spends nearly all their time sleeping. Even though right now it feels like pretty much all our time is spent keeping him alive (and doing laundry), and babies complicate your life logistics considerably, we feel very lucky to have him. He brings us so much joy even when he's spiked the 4th nappy in a row and can't be put down. We can't wait to get to know baby and see them grow.

The past couple of weeks have therefore been a blur of baby and cat appointments, doling out medicines to me and my cat, and poor DxDude working to look after us all.

He's been amazing through it all, honestly. And whilst obviously I wouldn't have had a child with someone I didn't think would make a good parent and partner... it's *still* been impressive how thoughtful and prepared he's been (probably much more prepped than I was, in some ways) and how much he's been gently making sure i don't neglect my own care. He's been doing so much that I honestly felt bad that I couldn't do more - and he's had to constantly remind me that I gestated and birthed a baby via a major operation and am keeping said child alive with my body, which is 24/7 job. I don't know how people do it with a half assed partner, let alone on their own, honestly.

Recovering is strange because at first you can't do many things for yourself, and I've found that odd as someone who is used to getting things done independently and being the clinician rather than the patient. I've had to be careful not to overdo things as it's really tempting to push yourself...but that's a bad idea in reality.

[dxmedstudent]

My memory was already bad at times but I can say that having a newborn...has not helped.

Basically if I don't write something down, then I'm playing roulette with when and if I will remember the thing.

And I'm eternally grateful for my baby tracking app because otherwise I'd probably gaslight myself constantly about when I fed or changed them. It's like time has no meaning any more. It feels like something just happened but it was 2 hours ago.

I dont know how primary caregivers in places like the US go back to work at this point. How do they cope? It's barbaric to make people go back to work so soon after having a child, when you're still very much recovering and barely coping.

I'm just glad most people in my life have appropriately low expectations when it comes to me replying. Unfortunately the cognitive effects of sleep deprivation make me feel like I'm constantly not doing enough, doing things wrong or constantly forgetting things for too long, which can feel a little but like you're always failing something, but I know this particular stage of mum guilt doesn't last forever.