M.
Is it sad that I genuinely miss you? I want you to come back already. I want to sleepover & have you drink a bit of Jack & then lay with me & hold me until you’re done using me. Then just lay next to each other and sleep as I crave to just cuddle to your side but just laying next to you is enough. Even though love is not really being made I feel less empty. But that’s so sad. That’s such a sad life I’m living but I crave your touch even when you don’t crave me. It’s all meaningless sex but it’s something. Something more than what I had. That’s all so sad. I’m a sad lonely person. & I said I wouldn’t feel anything. I don’t think I do. I really hope I don’t. But I just want to cuddle and feel your affection but that’ll never happen. & I’m too scared to ask cause that’s more intimate. & you’ll get freaked and our arrangements will end. So if meaningless sex and sleeping side by side with no touch is there. I’m okay. Let’s hope one day I won’t feel so empty so I won’t have to do this. But for now, I’ll live this way. I don’t mind.
