it felt like everything was going really well for once, and then it all just fell apart. i feel extremely led on, extremely used and extremely hurt. why tell someone that you have feelings for them and then turn around and tell them the next day that you have feelings for someone else? feelings don’t work like that. i really thought that lizzie was the one person who would never hurt me. i was wrong, again.
my first mistake was bringing the whole thing up. i never should’ve, but something in my gut told me to. and then she said she felt the same and.. my god, i haven’t felt that happy in fucking years, and then it was over in an instant. i guess the moral of the story is that there’ll always be someone better than me to pick. there always is, it’s happened with everything in my life, nothing new. i just wanted her.
i just feel so utterly and completely alone. as if i didn’t feel like an outcast with my friends anyways, now it’s just ten times worse. i had to go and tell my best friend that i have feelings for her when i could’ve just shut up. i don’t even want to talk to tom, i don’t really care how nice he’s being. and i know that’s bad and he didn’t do anything wrong, but it still feels like he did.
i just want to take it all back. i hate my stupid brain and my stupid emotions and how much i fucking care. i want it to all be done with, i want her, i want this feeling to go away. i ruined everything in my own life and now i gotta live with it.