I dont know if it will help but I feel like if I try to figure out whats making this year so terrible and hard to get through then maybe I can improve it, or feel a bit better I think.
1. Pretty much all of my friends have left school, except 3 of them. One of the main friends in my life didnt come back to school, and even though she is still very much in my life, I guess it feels kind of empty without having her here. Nothing about life her seems welcoming really anymore.
2. One of the things that used to make me happy and give me some relief from school now just makes me angry and seems more like an obligation than a choice. I always do the school musical and I love it, I love singing and performing, but this year is just terrible. The new director is shit and yells at us way too much for pretty much no reason, she isnt taking enough time to block and run scenes so a lot of us arent learning are lines well, she makes us put our phones on the stage which essentially shows that she doesnt trust us and is treating us like small children, and I get that music is important but we have way too many music focused rehearsals when we should be running scenes with music. I also hate to be that person, but I hate my role in the show and I am not enjoying playing that much either. The director also keeps calling us by our characters names, which probably wouldn’t annoy me so much except that my characters name is Grandma and I don’t like being called that.
3. My housing situation is shit. My other housemates are shit and party way too much, way too often. The other week they shouted at me for calling the RA because they were screaming and blasting music at 4:30 in the morning. The HRA hasn’t gotten back to me or my housemate about moving somewhere else, but I kind of hope she does soon. I feel a bit guilty but I wouldn’t mind moving to a single room dorm. I honestly just want to leave this house, I dont think that the other house members will be kicked out so I think the only solution will be to leave the house and go somewhere else.
I don’t know, all of these things just kind of add up to me. Sometimes I can’t find the motivation to work or go to class. My day is basically just me forcing myself to go to class so I can come back to my room and sleep or go back to working on my senior project. Sometimes I feel guilty if I am drawing something that isn’t my project or if I take time to work on something that isn’t homework. Basically I am not really living my life how I’d like to. I am only a semester and a half away from graduating though so I just have push through, but it is getting so difficult. Hopefully things will improve soon in some aspect.