The rumbling of the motor stopped, the tires of the old Toyota letting out a crissing sound against the tar.
Lowri's hands stayed tightened against the steering wheel.
She exhaled, finally letting go.
She stayed a few minutes in her seat, focusing her mind on the little plush charm that hanged on the rearview mirror.
It was the only thing that didn't feel bland an curated in the car, Nia picked it at a service station when she was six, they went to Cardiff to visit Derec's family, she was so fascinated by the fish-looking mascot's eyes that she refused to go back in the car until they bought it.
Nia was always a quiet kid, Lowri thought, maybe that's why she didn't worry.
She barely ever came back to visit her, she saw her thrice in the past two years at most, and she always said she was doing good on calls.
Why bother, she was happy living with her dad, she didn't want her mom to be nosy, every teen is like that.
Lowri finally opened the door, stepping out of the car to face the police office.
Maybe she should've worried more.
She passed a hand through her hair, making sure to look proper and put together, her appearance was the only thing she had a grasp on, theses days.
She breathed in and out one last time and pushed the door, meeting eyes with the man at the entrance.
They talked breifly, only what was needed.
He guided her through the hallway, her heels tackling the ground on the way leading up to the visit room.
It was empty, a few chairs, facing windows tainted green by the walls behind them.
A place of decay, filled with the guilt and pain of every person who came to see their loved ones here before her.
But she wasn't here for a loved one.
She was here for the girl that was waiting alone behind the glass.
Here she was.
Sally.
She looked just like the pictures in the news.
Her brittle hair getting in the way of her tired eyes, hiding her chin in a jacket too big for her, she frowned at Lowri's entrance, she couldn't see how she was sat, but she assumed she was somewhat slouching.
They faced eachother in silence for a while.
- who are you?
Obiviously, how could she know.
- you can call me Lowri, I'm Nia's mother.
-your daughter is a fucking lunatic.
Her tongue was sharp, snappy, mean, even.
Lowri found it almost cynical, how she said "is" and not "was", like if she was still somewhat there, plaguing the air and invading the grounds.
- have your parents visited you yet?
- they're dead.
Another silence.
This one felt heavier, neverending.
Lowri painfully opened her mouth again.
- has anyone visited you?
- I don't know anyone who would.
It stung.
She had no one.
It was something Lowri expected, but it being actually true made it impossible not to have the slightest ounce of pity for that kid.
She felt guilty.
How would it look if the mother of a murder victim had mercy for the culprit?
Maybe the news would talk about this meeting, she received quite a few mails asking to interview her about the situation, one channel even came up to her house.
She had refused to say anything publicly until things were sorted out in her mind, everything was too clear-cut, it was almost uncanny how nobody ever dared take in concideration the girl's testimony.
Though she wasn't exactly helping herself.
- did you kill my daughter?
- I did.
She did, that was her words, not anyone else's.
The fact was undeniable, and yet.
-...it was self defense...
Her vocal chords creaked, her voice reaching a high, almost desesperate tone at the claim.
Lowri could tell she had said that countless times already, gradually loosing assurance after each and every try.
- would you mind telling me what happened?
-why do you care?
The cold steel front was rebuilt in an instant, taking Lowri back for a few seconds.
But she wasn't going to give up.
- I know my daughter and this whole thing is a mess, I'd like to hear what the only person that was there to witness it has to say.
It was a half-lie, Lowri didn't really know her daughter anymore, she had lost sight of her ever since the divorce.
But she could tell, something was wrong.
Her smile had changed, it became violent, cynical.
When she looked into her eyes, something rooted deep in her heart told her to run.
Lowri felt like an awful mother whenever she had thoses thought.
Even now, she felt like one.
She probably was.
- she told me to follow her.
- I see, where did you two go.
- on the shore.
That was a stupid question, Lowri realized as she asked it, but the kid didn't seem to mind, something had cooled down in her.
- she told me we should turn wild and fulfill our true reap purpose, or some shit like that.
Lowri stopped in her tracks.
Yes.
That was it.
Evolutionnism.
- and what did you do?
- I tried to knock some sense into her, but she's crazy, she didn't want to back down.
She said if I didn't, she would personally take care of my case.
Everything was clicking in place, it was like finding the center peice of an obscure puzzle, finally giving sense to everything else.
The way Nia talked, the way she looked at the humans that lived in the neighborhood.
Her intonation when saying words like "evolution" or "nature", the way she always said "instinct" instead of "gut-feeling" or "pressentiment".
Lowri remembered how she would always hide her phone's screen from her sight, how she never told her about any of her friends.
That's what was plaguing the house when she was there, what was maiking the air heavyer, what made the sunlight feel darker.
- I didn't want to die.
- I understand.
It couldn't be a lie.
It made too much sense.
Maybe it didn't to anyone else, but to Lowri, it made too much sense.
A dreadful feeling of guilt washed over her.
Sally was looking down, avoiding eye-contact.
That girl had no one to defend her, no one to take care of her.
Nia was gone, there was no way to salvage what she had become.
Lowri truly was a bad mother, she couldn't help but see her child as a threat, as a monster.
Her child had become a monster.
Only thing left to do was damage control.
- I beleive you.
Sally's head perked up, finally looking Lowri in the eyes.
