#earworm dept

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Tagged by @thelivingautomaton to post to post 13 songs I currently have on repeat/in my head, thank you!

The Replacements — "Hold My Life"

Pefkin — "Green Bound in Ice and Snow"

Alan Sparhawk — "JCMF"

Julianna Barwick — "You Were Waiting" (Daytrotter session, an early/alternate version of "One Half" from Nepenthe)

Superchunk — "Song For Marion Brown"

New Order — "Age of Consent"

Oklou — "what's good"

Hatchie — "Stay With Me"

Greet Death — "Love Me When You Leave" (Live on KEXP)

Charli XCX ft. John Cale — "House"

Hefner — "Another Better Friend"*

Wheat — "The Beginner" (best I could do here is a link to the whole album timestamped to the beginning, haha, of this song)

Lorde — "David"

*(kind of a placeholder for my recent relapse into my late high school/early university obsession with Breaking God's Heart, The Fidelity Wars, and Boxing Hefner; I adore We Love the City and Dead Media as well, but that's almost a different thing)

As always, consider yourself tagged if you see this post and would like to do this, but also I'll mention @power-chords @robotbytheriver @myriadplethorae @valeofcashmere if any of them are interested.

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at fourteen, her mother died in a routine operation from allergic reaction to a general anaesthetic spent the rest of her teens experimenting with prescriptions in a futile attempt to know more than the doctors

she said one day to leave her sand up to her shoulders waiting for the tide

to drag her to the ocean to another sea's shore this thing hurts like hell

BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

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I hate to be kind of cryptic here, but feel like I need to be at least for a bit. So the thing I was nervous about yesterday went pretty well (I think) but then right at the end I learned information that changed it from something that was potentially nice if it happened to something where I am incredibly stressed about it and if it doesn’t happen I am going to feel pretty significantly bad about that. The kind of thing where it could make a noticeable difference to our future whether it happens or not.

So I feel like a nervous wreck in a way that even the rest of the last couple of years hasn’t been able to produce. And I feel like I’m barely white-knuckling it through the things I absolutely have to do while I wait for the result of this other thing that is totally out of my control (not that the latter factor prevents part of my brain from insisting I should do something more about it, in ways that thankfully I realize are counter-productive). Unfortunately this means even stuff I like to do like tumblr feels pretty impossible right now. I’m hoping that changes soon. In the meantime, please enjoy the only Lemonheads song I know, one that’s been getting stuck in my head when I feel sad or scared since I was a teenager.

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Had a fairly bad brain weekend, and kind of feeling worse today. In possibly related news, if you wanted to think good thoughts for me this afternoon, especially around 3 pm EST, that would be appreciated. Hopefully things will be more back to normal tomorrow.

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And so the work week comes to an end! The goal for next week... consistently fall asleep significantly before 5 or 6 am. Have good, restful weekend.

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Feeling pretty paralyzed today; got some unexpected upsetting news about a family member yesterday (not physical health or COVID related, don’t really want to get into it) and I was already going to take today off but I couldn’t really sleep last night. Already talked to my therapist about trying to fit in an extra session. Hopefully will feel more normal/up to normal stuff tomorrow. 

As distressing as it is, I’m glad the person who told me felt comfortable telling me, because they need support. From the little I’ve heard from them so far, it sounds like they may have needed support for a while and felt too embarrassed/upset/ashamed/etc to reach out. If you can, please do reach out to your loved ones, they almost certainly want to help and support you.