“ he wouldn’t leave. not like that.” from eauregard !
( red dead redemption 2 / meme. ) | @eauregard
caleb was nott’s first true friend. it’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s the whole truth. in all of her not-so-glorious nine goblin years of life, she hadn’t had one friend, until the wizard showed up in her life. it’s not that hard to believe, really, considering the creature that she is and the kind of person that she is. no one in her clan had any reason to like her and no one outside her clan had one, either. until caleb, that is.
(she doesn’t really think that caleb has any reason to like her either. she doesn’t understand what makes them click so well. what makes him stick to her but she wouldn’t trade it for anything. their friendship is the most valuable thing in the world to her.)
nott trusts him whole-heartedly. not because he’s smarter then her (even though he is) and not because he is way more capable then her (even though he is). but because he follows through (he doesn’t think so, thinks his word isn’t worth anything (thinks that he isn’t worth anything) but he has proven different every single time). because he’s done so much for her and she’d do everything for him.
there wasn’t much that tethered caleb and nott to the nein in the early days of the group. it’s weird to remember it, now that they’ve spent so much time together and gone through so much. again, it’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s the truth. the only things that connected them to the group was the promise of protection, of shelter, of company (even if it’s bad company). nothing stopped them from leaving other then the burning curiosity to see where this endeavor would take them.
nothing, ever, stops caleb from leaving at the drop of that. of one night being there and the following morning not. nott knows him. she knows he has done that before. in fact, he has asked it of her before, but has never followed through with it in the end. but he always asks. he always makes sure.
if he ever left, she thought he’d at least ask. that they’d discuss it rationally (or at least try to), like they always do about everything. because she absolutely would join him. she’s loyal to him, before anyone else. she care about him, before anyone else.
caleb’s absence is like a missing limb. in the months spent with the mighty nein, she’d gotten used to not having him by her side all day every day. she learnt not to mind it. she learnt to have her own space and o let him have his. they are not the same person. she had to realize that. but not having him there for an indefinite amount of time (forever?) makes her ache.
(him leaving the mighty nein behind comes as a surprise but it isn’t exactly a shock. the worst of all is him leaving her without a single goodbye. not even a letter left behind.)
(maybe he didn’t want her with him anymore. maybe he decided she was a burden. maybe he decided that her goblin-like tendencies were too much. or maybe she just wasn’t enough. she doesn’t know.)
“he wouldn’t leave. not like that.” beau says, from the edge of nott’s bed.
then where is he?, she thinks but doesn’t say.
you don’t know him, she wants to say but doesn’t. beau doesn’t know caleb, it’s true. not like nott does. not deeply, not intrinsically, not instinctively. she doesn’t care the same way that nott does, like her heart has been ripped out of her chest. but caleb did tell beau about his past. and she did take care of him multiple times before. beau doesn’t like it but she cares, one way or another. beau is the last person nott would expect comfort from, though.
she burrows deeper into the bed, hiding further into the blankets, her hair splayed messily on the pillows. “leave…. me… alone….”
