#ed bs

[neontwilight89]

Hahahaha almost every female in my office is engaged in conversation about how much sugar is in foods and how much people should eat and this is SO fun. This is why I don't enjoy being around other people. This among other things but this..

[hnnhhlyn]

I keep forgetting to eat again and it's really scaring me. No one reminds me to eat but when they realize I haven't then they get upset. And whenever I ask to get food people get more upset because I'm a burden. I'm so stuck and sad.

[neontwilight89]

Welp she also maybe printed it out on a piece of paper and gave it to me and I am not so good for that

[neontwilight89]

my body feels weird.

my eating got off track today. again

I’m supposed to run and I have this weird cramp pain in my stomach. I know I’m probably going to have a pathetic run anyway. I have to try though. 

we have a ton of leftovers for dinner so luckily that’ll be quick to throw together. I’m just so tired of being tired. 

[neontwilight89]

trying to allow myself to be excited about the house. 

and I am, I’m just having a really weird day so far. I don’t want to be working. I don’t feel up to it today

eating has just not been a thing I feel capable of and my usual breakfast item isn’t available so I naturally don’t know what to do which is really not a place I was at so that’s special.. but it’s a running day so I have to try

my glasses are falling apart, I need to figure out a taxi to my session, I have to show my apartment tomorrow, I just want to lie on the floor until this week is over.

[neontwilight89]

nope, this day is turning out really weird..

I feel intensely uncomfortable with everything today. I had breakfast and coffee and I have lunch in the work fridge that probably amounts to 1.5-2 veg, 1 protein, 1 fat or something along those lines but now thinking of eating it feels impossible. so that’s fun. and I was all good and had breakfast before I even left this morning. so much for opposite action. 

The interview went well but I got distracted by being stressed about work in the discussion about it and I feel like it was noticed and I am overwhelmed and self conscious about it. I think overall the interview was ok though. I was frustrated because I was interviewing with my boss and he talks so much that I wanted to learn more about the person we were interviewing and didn’t get to do as much of that. 

I don’t know how to interact with G later cause he sent some out of the ordinary sexual texts this morning and I don’t know how to respond to them. We’re also going to be in a situation with alcohol later and thinking about how last year went with it is not something I want to repeat (I just forgot my limits and drank more than I would have liked and someone I was really uncomfortable with was there). We’re also supposed to go on a kind of double date on saturday. I know this will most likely pass and I want to go against the urge I have to push it down and not mention anything about it but I know I’ll be acting weird later and I don’t know how to get into it. just having something that feels really out of context come to me at 8am starts my day off feeling really weird and kind of objectified and giving me memories of the last time I tried that sexual thing and ended up crying for hours and being unable to stop. even though that time wasn’t with him being comfortable with my body is still not really a thing. 

and I am in this office of people and I know I will have to drive at least 2 hours to get home later and I just want to be home and go to sleep and forget that this day is even happening. 

[neontwilight89]

aaaaaand I am literally a ravenous beast today and I hate allllllllll of it

[neontwilight89]

Dietician made me a decision tree of foods because I'm not feeling flexible and I should probably maintain some semblance of structure. I conveniently don't have any of those items in my house right now..........