Apr 8
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what i don’t understand is like if i had a school uniform fetish i would just engage with it privately interpersonally and not wax poetic abt how it’s like umm an ethically necessary and morally just reclamation of my girlhood. because well the hours that i spent in my ACTUAL school uniform were the ones in which i was sexually harassed more often than at any other point in my life thus far. well it’s probably just a typical case of tumblr goggles a la “it’s okay for men to wear men’s clothing” bc it’s still the most sexualized uniform irl. it doesn’t need defending. i feel similarly abt eating disorders like if i had one okay but i’m not gonna make a proana blog to potentially encourage everyone else to do it too
the worst thing that can ever happen to you is getting covid that fucks with your stomach right as you’re recovering from bulimia. this happened to me THREE YEARS AGO. and i still cannot eat normally. i couldn’t keep anything down for like a month when it initially happened and i have the worlds most sensitive stomach now shit just comes RIGHT back up.
fic link
obviously im so much better for it but it really is funny to think about how negatively correlated my cooking/food standards have been with recovery. i mean it makes perfect sense really, no longer being fixated on the thing means youre... no longer fixated on it, but the typical assumption people make is that recovery = better, tastier food! and like yeah, i can buy pastries and eat out without spiraling now, but the frequency of actual cooking? and the shit i make on the regular? brother it is #bad
Good news is that my mom responded well to me saying I'm self dx with ARFID bad news is that the reason I brought it up is. Tummy ache :(
I need to post this to show what this fucker said to me to show other people how deranged this situation is like!?!(?! KILL YOURSELF. I DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUCK MY BODY TRIGGERED YOU ITS MY BODY I LIVE IN HWRE???????
tw ed but i think growingup with an eating disorder was bad lowkey lol umm. my natural eating pattern now is like: barely eat cuz im just surviving #BrokeBitxh and then one day a week-ish like whenever we get money or family takes us out for food i go so overboard