seen from Singapore
seen from Spain
seen from Belarus
seen from Paraguay
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Russia
seen from Russia
seen from Paraguay
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from Singapore
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Malaysia
seen from Italy
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from China
after two days of no eating at all and no one realizing this my mom said in front of all my family that I eat all the time and if they have to wait for me to eat to watch something together then they'll never do it cuz I'm aLwAyS eating only because my friend came over and we cooked all day
okay then as I'm a fucking fat pig that can't keep their mouth shut I'm not eating at all anymore thanks mom ☺️
yk the most effect thinsp for me will always be shopping for clothes on one of these chain stores made only for sizes 0 to 1 and be embarrassed by all the people walking past me while I'm choosing clothes that'll never fit me well if I don't get that fucking mannequin body
it always gives me a bittersweet feeling of hope and impotence that makes me want to push a little bit further
this is the first fast in weeks where I'm feeling super great dude none of migraines none of nauseous none of stomachache
is this ✨honeymoon phase ✨
the realization that even if I "recover" someday I'll never be entirely free from ana's presence hitted me
even if I eat healthily (like health healthily) ill never be able to eat above 800 calories without feeling bloated and fat
even if I maintain a good relationship with my fear foods for a while ill never be able to stop counting calorie intake
even if I accept that each person has their own body and is beautiful in their own unique way ill still nurture a sentiment of competition at the back of my head even if I don't do anything about it
even if I learn to accept my body I'll never stop body checking in every single mirror and be unsatisfied with what I see
and I know- I just know that I'll never get used to the numbers on the scale or the tape measure because there will always be that voice inside my head whispering that I can do better, I can go low, yes I can
the recover is possible, but it's never fully effective and that scares the shit out of me
my mother after seeing me eat a piece of cake after hours of not eating at all: "I'm just observing you eating all wrong and then crying to me that you're with stomachache and need to eat more healthily"
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
I've been restricting into 300~450 cals a day but yesterday I went up to 800 because of that stupid cake so I was scared as hell about gaining some pounds overnight but 😁good news 😁 I lost 100 grams 😁
too lazy to post food logs for today.... I'm keeping up with my diet so that's enough
