Abandonment: Part 1 - Edited
Warnings: implied sexual content, angst
Word count: 573
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Prompt: None
Requests: Open!
It had been a concise five months and six days since James Buchanan Barnes broke your heart into a million jagged pieces.
You remember every crystalline moment of the day before he left you. You remember how you flipped the frying pan perfectly, giving you and Bucky beautifully shaped eggs. The toast jumped in perfect time as the eggs finished cooking, giving you the synchronous warmth you both desired with breakfast.
You remember the cold feeling of his dog tags against your skin as they slid between your fingers, as your hand clutched his shirt. His face buried in your shoulder, his lips whispering how much he loved you. How your breathing synched, blending with the only other sound; the quiet whooshing of the dishwasher.
You remember the steady breathing of Bucky as you closed the gap between your ear and his naked chest. The way he held your body, his hands tight around your bare waist. The way your breasts pressed against his stomach and his fingers danced along your bare body. The way you fit together, like two pieces of the same puzzle.
You remember it all - remember it too well. Sometimes when you close your eyes, the tears you hold for months fall, betraying your calculated facadé.
It’s embarrassing, but you stroke your hair every night before bed, replicating the path his fingers followed for years. You need him so much that you need a bolster to simulate your head on his chest. Only then can you relax enough to close your eyes.
You know Bucky well enough to understand he needs to find himself before he could commit to a relationship. You just wish that Bucky would have turned to you, even in his worst moments. You turned to him, so why couldn’t he do the same?
You wanted to find the world with him. You found the world in him. In his eyes, his smile, his his voice.
You knew what you wanted. You planned on him being there, through every night and day, no matter how hard it got.
Bucky knew what he wanted. His plan didn't involve you.
That day, when Bucky said those heartbreaking words, you questioned him.
"Are you sure, Buck?" Your voice cracked as you tried your damn best to smile. This had to be a sick joke, and you weren’t going to be the girl who cried over a prank.
His only reply was the sad smile that you knew oh so well. The remorse on his face was enough for you to know that he was serious. His eyes crinkled in reluctance, tears threatening to fall. The idea of Bucky, your Bucky, crying was enough to make you close the gap between his lips and yours. You gave him the lightest kiss possible, your lips barely brushing his mouth.
It was how you said goodbye.
If your kiss had been any firmer, you would have gotten down on your knees, begging him to stay. You knew him well enough to know that he would stay, simply for your sake. As much as you wanted him to stay, you knew that he wouldn’t be happy.
The thought hurt more than the idea of him leaving you.
That day, he took away your light and ran like a damn coward. And you let him because, maybe - just maybe - it would lessen his pain.
You were glad to take the fall for him anyway.
