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[thoughtsafterfive-blog]

Obsession

I wanted to quit. I wanted to stop seeing you. I wanted to run away and never come back.

Because every time I see you... every time your eyes meet mine, I know I will be writing about you again.

And words won't stop flowing. And our worlds will intertwine

but only in my thoughts... in my own lonely thoughts.

The warmth of your smile alone can melt my lost, cold heart.

I never wanted to obsess about you But whenever I run out of words, I seek for you... in the most inconvenient place.. drowned by the crowd amidst the city lights and corporate hustle between 6 and 8 in the evening you at the other side of the room and I, at the little table farthest away from you.

I sit there. I stare at you. I wait for your smile. And when it happens, I know there will be words again to write.

Written by Eve | Photo by Benjamin Combs via Unsplash.com

[thoughtsafterfive-blog]

Finding Calmness Amidst The Storm

Monday. The city was soaked in rainwater and flood. People were either running, walking or crossing from the other side of the street. I stayed inside the comfort of my personal haven - one that smells of coffee and wood fragrances - while watching the world go crazy under the heavy downpour.

I watched the world turn for hours, not feeling a single motion despite the fact that it is rotating and revolving faster than we think. There in my little lair with a warm cup of coffee in my hand and Alicia Keys' songs in my ears, I found calmness. I found peace. I found the perfect moment to 'be in the moment'.

Papers filed on my desk. Emails awaiting my response. Drafts waiting to be completed. Table messed up with books that I long closed. Laptop playing the same screensaver over and over again. They would have only moved when I did. But no, I left them where they were. I wanted everything to be still. Then, there was stillness in my own safe abode no matter how drenched the sidewalks outside were.

If people only realize that the storm outside couldn't get in if they won't let it. As much as possible, they should invest in the most reliable materials for the roof, walls, floors, doors and windows. If they have some bucks to spare, a good gutter would be perfect too. Just don't let the storm drown everything you have, everything you've worked hard for, everything that was left. It is your duty to protect yourself. It is your duty to not get yourself drowned by the water.

Stay still. Enjoy your coffee. Even if it's raining outside. No, even if it's stormy outside.

Written by Eve | Photo from Unsplash.com

Also posted here.

[thoughtsafterfive-blog]

On Getting Lost in Life and Embracing It

A couple of weeks ago, I had a terrible personal drama. It's something that I haven't experienced before - it was just waking up and feeling lost.

When I was still a teenager, I envisioned the future to be bright, to be full of movie nights and shopping days. But then life happened... the bills, the obligations, the taxes...

...and I started asking "Is this what I wanted my life to be?".

Don't get me wrong - I don't fall short with my social life. I have friends to call whenever I'd like to get a monster-size pizza or would love to watch chic flicks (or even have a phone conversation at 3AM!). But the feeling I had inside wasn't anything that concerns external relationships - it's about my purpose, my being and the big "why the hell am I here on Earth?".

It's fascinating to know that I'm not the only one having this question. I have read blogs and resources online, and I realized how fatal such situation could be. Others still ask themselves this question even after their prime. Some found their answers. Some unfortunately didn't. But what exactly is this? A friend told me that I could be experiencing the so-called "quarter life crisis". She may be right. But what about those having the same thoughts in their forties? fifties? sixties? It's probably not just about the age that I am in. It could be something universal - something that we really go through as individuals that could be essential for our inner growth.

You can't really just find your purpose. It's something that doesn't show up in Google search results. But I like these quotes that I found though (Yep - I'm guilty of googling "my life purpose").

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. ~Dalai Lama

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. ~Albert Schweitzer

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way. ~Wayne Dyer

Two out of the three quotes above say that the purpose of life is to lend a helping hand to other people. That was actually such a noble cause and I think helping each other will make the world a better place.

However, I have one problem:

How can I help other people if I, myself, need help?

Then the third quote hit me. Maybe, I was too focused on finding my purpose when in fact, I could already be living it now. Perhaps, I tried so hard to give my purpose a label when its whole point is just to live, feel and just be. I was too focused on where I am on the floor that I already forgot how good it feels to dance and just go with the music.

I can't say that I already have the answer - but it's the closest realization that I have in connecting what my life purpose could be and what I am already doing now. There is no hint nor common ground but only the fact that what I have now used to be one of the things that I wished before - one of those dreams that I have just written down at the back of my notebook in college. Then I realized that I was never lost after all. I am still on track. It's just that I am going through this drama to remind myself that I have this lifetime to shape my purpose, achieve my dreams and be who I want to be.

At the end of the day, I believe that our purpose in life isn't meant to be found. Instead, it's something that we create out of our experiences. We live by it. And we take care of it as part of ourselves now rather than later.

So if you're someone who have the same dilemma as I did, just hang in there. You don't need to rush anything anytime soon. Take the time to breathe and feel. It's okay if you haven't figured it all out right away. Your purpose will reveal itself when you're ready.

Live life xx

Eve

[thoughtsafterfive-blog]

After Five Reminder: Dear Filipino Voters

Let us not tear each other apart because of the political chaos that is playing in front of us. Some of these allegations have only been created to destroy other candidates. But sadly at some point, they have also destroyed our unity as a nation(whatever is left of it). Most of these aren't even backed up by facts. I say, stop listening to or watching the news if you wish to keep your mind sane until the elections. We couldn't trust anyone's words nowadays. Even the media's dignity can be bought.

But be vigilant. Be aware. Be bold.

Fight for your right and vote. Despite the rumors that there would be a widespread anomaly regarding the ballots, VOTE. It is your right. No matter how small it is, your vote will count. If some powerful politicians would cheat in the upcoming elections, it would’t be your fault for casting your vote. It would be their fault for manipulating the data, for arranging such anomaly and for depriving the people the very right to suffrage. Karma’s a bitch anyway ~ it will find its way to them. There are plenty of greedy men out there ready to play the cards just to win the position they want. Don't let them step on your right to suffrage, on your very core as a citizen of this country. 

Do this not only for yourself. Do this for the people you care about.

If you are a parent, think of your children's future in the next six years. Will they be supported with proper education? Will their health be well taken care of?

If you are a lover, think of your possible marriage and how difficult it would be if you choose the wrong leader now. Will love and relationship be enough to sustain a married life?

If you are still a student, think about the availability of jobs after graduation. Will there be a job that you would see yourself happy to be employed in?

If you are a professional, think about your job satisfaction. In six years time, would passion be enough to sustain you even if the economy is faltering? ...even if you're earning less than what your credentials deserve?

If you are a businessman, think about the safety and security of your business in the next couple of years. Would huge profits still mean to you even if it means bridging alliances with the wrong people?  

Think. Think. Think... and think long-term.

We may have different bets but after the election, we still belong in the same country. And no matter who wins this "game of thrones", as long as you choose who you think would fit best in the positions, then you are a free person ~ you have expressed what you want this nation to be. No need to rip friendships apart. We just need to take our individual stands to somehow make a difference.

For those who are thinking of cheating this upcoming elections, karma will knock on your door one day.And trust me, it’s going to be messy. 

Signing off for the weekend now. So, God bless Philippines. xx

Words by Eve | Photo from Rappler

[thoughtsafterfive-blog]

Behind The Blog: What My Short Visit in Iligan City Taught Me

I’m writing this post in a coffee shop inside Laguindingan airport (see proof above ^_^) after a short yet fantastic weekend in Cagayan de Oro City and Iligan City. It’s been awhile since my last visit in this part of Mindanao*. Though a lot has changed, there were a couple of things that remained the same and it’s just so sweet to be here again.

For a moment, I asked myself, "Why did I even leave Mindanao? I have friends here and it's been my home for almost six years." I was trying to recall all the memories I've created in both cities ~ the friendship, the bonds, college life. It was bittersweet. I remembered them like they all happened just yesterday. I was lost in my thoughts, I was almost crying.

But just when the caffeine kicked in, I was slingshot back to reality. I watched some people come in and go out of this airport. Then I realized my reason for moving to Cebu ~ I was hungry for adventures, self-exploration and opportunities. I was a young wolf, fresh out of the university and so eager to explore the world around me. I used to be among these people who come and go ~ who refused to be tied in just one place for the rest of their lives. 

I now have answers to questions that I never thought existed at the back of my mind. This short trip has reminded me of who I was before all these ~ the blog, the bank accounts, the jobs, the opportunities, the life that sustains me. It reminded me of that hungry wolf who has nothing but was never scared to go out there and be someone better. 

So, I’m writing this for the places that I’ve been to, to the progress I’ve made, to the unrecognizable changes over the years. I’m writing this to make peace with the bad memories I had, to re-visit the good ones and to re-live all the “in-between”s. 

This is for the friends and mentors whom I reconnected with despite the distance after all those years ~ to the special bonds that even time couldn’t tear apart. 

Thank you, Universe, for granting me an opportunity to travel, explore and be changed. Thank you for reminding me of who I was and who I meant to become.

That would be all for now. I have a flight to catch.

See you soon, Cebu! xx

*For some of you who don't know me personally, I went to a college in Iligan City and finished up a bachelor's degree in a known university there.