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Car troubles

Rating: PG

Warnings: Swearing, badly written fic, weird humour

They’re both pressed tightly against each other in the car, lying horizontally on the backseat. Bob’s feet are pressed against the car window and roof and Tommy’s half falling off the seat but neither of them cares about the discomfort, both focused on the heat that’s slowly spreading between them from wherever they’re touching. Bob’s jeans are constricting and he’s struggling to get them off over his shoes. Tommy laughs at his attempts, “This is why you don’t wear skinny jeans,” and gestures at his own straight leg jeans which are off within a few seconds. There’s an annoyed noise that sounds vaguely like ‘fuckyou’ from Bob’s direction and he swears as he kicks the window in an attempt to bring his jeans to his ankles.

Tommy rolls off Bob onto the floor wedged between the middle and the seat, and he starts laughing so hard the car starts shaking. Bob’s sweating with the exertion of removing his jeans and with a final tug that rocks the car, they’re off and flung unceremoniously in the direction of the boot. He reaches out a hand to Tommy whose laughter’s died down to giggles. “Maybe you should remove your boxers first,” he says which starts him laughing again and earns him a kick in the side from Bob. “Okay, I’m coming,” he begins to get up but stops. Bob raises himself to a kneeling position on one end of the seat and he looks at Tommy with a puzzled expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m stuck,” and Bob starts laughing, collapsing forward onto the seat. Tommy looks up at him grumpily from the floor, “It’s not funny.” Bob looks down at him and replies, “Yes it is,” and starts laughing harder, holding his sides. Eventually the laughter subsides and he grabs Tommy’s free arm and tugs. “You really are stuck,” he comments. “No, really,” Tommy’s response is sarcastic and Bob can feel the laughter bubbling up in his throat but controls himself. “One, two, three,” he pulls hard and Tommy lets out a yelp of pain which turns into one of triumph as he feels himself freeing. “It’s working!”

Bob braces himself, half crouched on the seat and gives it his all into one, final tug. With an almighty roar he pulls and pulls and Tommy is almost free and Bob straightens up and slams his head into the car roof. Dazed, he drops to the seat and falls onto his stomach. Tommy slides back down into the crevice and lands with a slight thump. “Bob, I’m stuck again.” Bob groans and rolls over.

Eventually with some careful tugging and pulling, Tommy’s freed and they’re both sitting on the seat utterly exhausted. Bob’s head lolls onto Tommy’s shoulder and he groans before admitting, “I don’t even feel like sex any more.” Tommy laughs briefly, but it’s born of exhaustion and he slouches, “Me neither.”

Tommy’s jeans are easily found and he slides them on with little difficulty while Bob looks on with some annoyance. “Where’re your jeans?” and the search begins. During the midst of this, there’s a ‘beep’ noise and the doors lock making them freeze. Tommy looks at Bob with a panic in his eyes, “I thought they weren’t going to be back for another hour!” Bob shrugs in response and the search becomes more frantic. The minutes tick past and eventually the pressure gets to Tommy. “Forget the pants and run!” Bob shakes his head fervently, “I’m not leaving without my jeans.”

There’s echoing footsteps approaching the car and Tommy can’t take it any more, grabbing Bob’s arm and unlocking the door from the inside. He pushes the door open and the alarm goes off with a shrill beeping noise. Tommy hears a cry of surprise from the other side of the car but he doesn’t care, forcibly dragging Bob from the car and running the short distance from the car park to the apartments. Edward stares at the receding figures, an eyebrow raised. “Was that...”

“I don’t want to think about that.” Battle sounds like he’s trying not to choke and as he looks at his car he lets out an almost imperceptible sob. Edward walks around the car and notices something tucked away in the boot. He opens it and hold up the jeans. It’s a bit much for Battle who burries his head in his hands and groans which starts Eddie laughing. “Looks like they had fu-“

“DON’T.” He’s interrupted by Battle who’s holding out a trembling hand. “Nothing. Happened.” Eddie puts his head to one side and grins, “I’m just saying.” Battle looks at Edward with murder in his eyes. “Nothing. Happened.” Edward looks at the direction Tommy and Bob ran off and an idea springs to mind. “Hey Battle...”

“Don’t even think about it.”

#beetrootsfic #The Bloody Beetroots #tommy tea #Sir Bob Cornelius Rifo #edward grinch #battle