I'm sitting in my bed reading Tumblr on my iPad because I haven't been on in ages. That's all due to drowning my phone but best not to get on that adventure train tonight! Anyway so I'm browsing Tumblr and I go "oh I haven't seen what my girlfriends posted in a while" so I go have a look. FYI, this isn't some creepy stalker thing, she has her own internet space if she wants it but she likes finding cute things on Tumblr and showing me and I like reading it. Anyhoo; back on topic: So I'm flicking through like a months worth of her life on Tumblr and I'm seeing all these cute things she's been reblogging and it really shows you how a person has thought across a month. (Like of course it's going to be tidied up a little, you won't have her reblogging stuff about shitty boyfriends because she knows I'll see it.....well not unless I've been a really shitty boyfriend and she wants to show me.) You see their little desires and things they've thought about and this month was a whole lot of cute relationship stuff and I'm looking at it and going. "Great! Things are going well! She's happy! I'm doing a good job." BUT Then you start to read the happy relationship stuff and you start to question whether you're doing as well as Handsome Young Dad 1 and Cute Boyfriend 92 and it makes you worry that maybe you're not doing enough. And it makes you really sad. What if I'm becoming complacent? What if she doesn't feel special anymore? We've been together 2.5 years and quickly approaching 3 which is a long time. Not the longest by any stretch but when it's a 7th of your entire life and the first 7th you spent learning to walk, talk eat solids and poo where your supposed to you, you realise quite a lot has happened in that time. This isn't one of those: 'Oh the magics been lost' because: "Fuck No!" The magic is still very much there and abracadabraring the hell out of me! This woman is so incredibly special. Not just to me. She is just as a fact special. My happiness depends upon an 'I Love You'. My day is not complete without talking to her. Without a 'hello' and a 'sweet dreams'. She is the love of my life. I'm just worried I don't show her enough. Life gets in the way sometimes and I feel like I let her down when I choose the easier option. I can be an incredibly lazy guy and the most incredible of procrastinators. I just want her to feel loved all the time. Because she couldn't be more. . . . . . More loved that is.
