1.) Recognizing the Demon Dialogues:
Identify the damaging dance the couple get into, when this dance happens, and how each partner’s moves escalate their confrontations.
Once they are aware of their negative steps, I ask them to dig beneath the destructive remarks and to figure out what they are really saying.
2.) Finding the Raw Spots:
Understand their own and their partner’s reactions and that the drama here is all about the safety of their emotional attachment. Each partner starts to look beyond immediate reactions.
We begin to plug into the deeper current of softer feelings, feelings connected with attachment needs and fears.
3.) Revisiting a Rocky Moment:
Couples replay a time when they got stuck in a demand-distance loop, acknowledging the steps each made and the emotions each felt.
These first three conversations de-escalate tension in the relationship and prepare the couple for the next dialogues, which build and strengthen the bond.
This is the exchange that moves partners into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged with each other.
WILL UPDATE AS I READ FURTHER.
Taken from Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson (51-54)