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Should I try to hide The way I feel inside My heart for you? Would you say that you Would try to love me too? In your mind Could you ever be Really close to me? I can tell the way you smile If I feel that I Could be certain then I would say the things I want to say tonight
The Way I Feel Inside - The Zombies
"Amy,
It’s me, E.G. You could probably guess that by the name on the envelope. Sorry, I’m not really good at writing letters. Words have never been my thing. I’m more of an actions guy. Or at least, that’s what I’ve always liked to think, but it’s not true, not really. If I was actually a man of action, I would’ve written a letter like this a long, long time ago.
You’ve always been one of my best friends. The best friend I’ve ever had that I wasn’t raised with, hands down. I can still remember the first time we met; I’d just been called over to your castle by your parents to teach you how to dance. It was my first time giving someone lessons and I was just as nervous as you were even if you didn’t know it. I walked away from the session and I knew right away that you were someone I wanted to see again.
I never get tired of being around you. You make me smile like nobody else does. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life, and the truth is that you’ve never gotten too great at dancing, but I’m so grateful that you haven’t because it means I get to be around you. I made my peace a long time ago with the idea that the only time I’d have my arms around you are when we dance, because you’re a princess and I’m just me, and that’s okay. Being your friend is one of the best things in my life. I’d be greedy to ask for more, so I never have, and I figured if it was something you ever wanted, you’d say so.
The only thing scarier than telling your princess-best-friend that you’ve been in love with her for years now is the idea that you’d never get to tell her. Maybe it’s selish to think about myself with what happened with the Bjorgman sisters, but at the lantern tribute, all I could think about was what if you were in that car. Death doesn’t care if you’re a princess or a stripper. Life is short and if we don’t say what we feel, we make it shorter. So here I am, saying it.
I’m in love with you, Amy. I know we’re not in the same league, I know I’d make a terrible prince, and I know that your new friends would probably think this was ridiculous, but I love you anyway. I’ve always had this image of dancing with you at your wedding to some handsome, perfect prince who deserves you. I’d hold you extra tight, knowing it’d be the last time I’d probably ever get to dance with you, and I’d wish with all my fucking might that the song would never end. It would inevitably end though, and he’d come take you away, and that’d be it.
I’m not letting that scenario come true without trying though. So here I am, trying. You know how I feel. Maybe you’ve always known how I feel, maybe you didn’t, but now you know. And I hope it’s not the most awkward thing in the world to know. I hope it’s more than ‘not awkward’. I hope you feel the same way.
If you don’t, that’s fine. I understand. You don’t have to feel the same way, and if you don’t, just pretend this letter never happened, okay? I’ll get the hint, I’ll get over it eventually, I’ll have my last dance with you at your wedding to the perfect guy who isn’t me, and I’ll be your friend for as long as you want me. Unless you don’t even want to be my friend after this. That would suck, but I’d get it, because being friends with a dude who loves you quietly might be kind of awkward. I promise to make it as non-awkward as possible. I’ll act like my feelings don’t exist. I’m good at it. So if you don’t feel the same way, just never mention this, and it dies here. I mean it.
If you feel the same way, or think you might want to give it a try, you know where to find me. I think that’s it. Thanks for reading.
Love,
Earl Gray Potts”
