Every heartache eats you, bite by bite.
Status: Closed
Where: around the streets
When: ~4am
With: @matthewbaudelaire
He had come home angry very quickly after leaving, she wasn’t sure what exactly had caused the state and did not dare ask while she sat on the couch, drapes pulled over the windows, no lights shining aside from a scented candle that filled the room with the smell of sandalwood. He explained to her his latest research on the topic of their future, but no success, and more refusals to even have it considered. He needed to leave the city tonight, still having around 5 hours of darkness before the sun came up. He had explained it all then pressed fingers to the back of her neck, peppering kisses along her face and lips before dragging his teeth down her neck and embracing her small frame with his other hand to her side. Helen could feel his fingers moving along her skin, but not register it as her mind was going blank. When she came to a short while after he had left her with new small bruises where he had held her, the room’s air left cold caressing her naked skin. She bent down and took his boxers, her own in tatters. Another pair to throw away. At least he always bought her new things to substitute the old ones and she was showered with all kinds of beautiful clothes and jewelry.
An old phone was sitting on the dining table and she looked at it with confusion, knowing she should remember something important about it. But the fog was too deep and she felt an urgency to breathe fresh air. Her heart began to beat fast, knowing that the windows would be bolted shut and the door locked as it always was when he left her alone in his apartment. Sitting on the floor her breath started to get stuck in her throat and sweat started forming on her skin, the feel of it icy and painful, almost as if burning her skin. She pulled a T-shirt over her head and hoped this would help, hugging herself a bit, but the feeling of something crushing her wasn’t going away.
Helen sat as a statue for what could have been days or weeks, or years…or perhaps it had been not even an hour, mere minutes or seconds. She was not sure and could not be sure. As if a millennia later, she stood on her feet and went to get the phone, wishing to call him and ask him to come back home and hold her and kiss her and stay with her until she fell asleep. Holding the brick device in one hand she could rationalize just a tiny bit more than a moment ago and knew that she shouldn’t have it there… along with the keys. Keys to their apartment, they weren’t in Nashville anymore. With a start, trembling fingers pushed the key in the lock, almost breaking it in half but it was unlocked and she knew Alexander wouldn’t mind her leaving as long as she let him know where she was at all times, with whom she was. He had told her that before leaving, she remembered that.
Her feet were in flip-flops she didn’t remember putting on, but they sounded quite cheerful as she walked in otherwise mostly silent streets. The fresh air was like a lifeline and she took deep gulps of it as she walked aimlessly down mostly unfamiliar streets. Her eyes were wandering over everything around and concentrated on absolutely nothing as she subconsciously pulled the neck of the top to clean the residue of a red liquid. She wasn’t cold and she wasn’t hot. She was nothing, but also continued to feel like everything inside her was on fire.
Another corner to turn and she was utterly lost but instead of panicking she stopped and sat at the curb, elbows on her knees, eyes on the road in front of her. There were voices somewhere in the distant and some light inside the buildings around, but no real proof of life at this hour. At least not to her, not now. It was peaceful and she felt as if she could be the last one left in the world. It was a nice feeling for her, imagining that. Despite its sad undertones it was a nice thing.
Her pale eyes followed the silhouette moving on the other side of the street, unfocused. Her mind was still not fully cleared and she did not remember yet that she shouldn’t be out alone after… an hour. What was the hour? And perhaps she should have stayed put in front of her building as it was very possible whoever walked past could take her away and she would be sad, right? A sound between a chuckle and a sigh filled with disappointment escaped her, air through her nose. Her irises returned to the silhouette. She thought she said hello but she wasn’t sure. Maybe she asked where she was or not.