It's a curious thing, how my muse and my writer's brain work. I can have a ton of fanfic ideas for a show I've watched and loved for a while. But I cannot, for the life of me, organise these ideas into well-developed pieces of writing. And then there're situations when something new comes along and inspiration strikes me. It's akin to an adrenaline boost that allows me to write super fast. This boost, however, doesn't last long. It's usually enough to get a one-shot down. So, while I'm riding my "adrenaline high", I've got this Duy Beni fic idea. It's a future speculation that, I'm pretty sure, at some point will turn into canon divergence because, once Ekim learns the truth about Kanat's involvement in the accident, things won't play out this way. But let's imagine it going like this: Kanat falls in love with Ekim first. She also starts developing feelings for him but her focus is on Leyla and finding those responsible for the accident. Kanat is torn between his feelings for Ekim and the need to keep the truth about the accident a secret. In the end, he gives in and tells her that he was the one who blackmailed his teacher into driving that car. He doesn't tell Ekim about Melisa and Ozan though. But Ekim knows that Kanat hasn't told the whole truth and suspects that Melisa's involved too. This one-shot takes place some time after Kanat tells Ekim about his involvement in the accident.
I don't own the show or any of the characters. They belong to the writers, production company and the channel. This is only fanfiction.
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The Greatest Privilege of All
Ekim looks up at the sky-high office building and then down at the phone in her hand. She checks the geolocation that Hazal shared, accompanied by a text: "Meet me on the roof".
"How does she expect me to get there? As if they grant the free access to everyone", Ekim mutters to herself but moves to the building entrance anyway.
Through the rotating door Ekim enters into a lobby with a huge reception desk and a turnstile for the employees. She's eyeing the turnstile, when the movement from the corner of her eye catches her attention.
"Ekim Hanım?" a young woman approaches Ekim with a friendly smile and a security pass in her hands.
"Hello! Yeah, that's me", Ekim says with a polite nod.
"Hazal Hanım is expecting you. The elevator on the left will take you to the rooftop", the woman says, pointing at one of the elevators and handing Ekim a security pass.
Ekim thanks the woman, uses the pass to go through the turnstile and moves to the elevator. Once inside, she presses the button to the rooftop.
"Hazal and her crazy whims. Couldn't have chosen a café for a meeting, like all normal people", Ekim thinks and shakes her head with a small smile.
Even with her crazy whims, secrets and friendship with Kanat, Hazal has wormed her way into Ekim's heart and managed to become a close and dear friend.
A ding of the elevator signals its arrival to the rooftop and pulls Ekim from her thoughts. The doors open and Ekim takes a tentative step outside. The doors close behind her, leaving Ekim on the roof that presents a truly breathtaking view. She takes in the city stretching as far as her eyes can see, the tops of business towers, the clear blue sky. And then her eyes land on him.
"Offf, Hazal...", Ekim whispers.
Of course Hazal would trick her into meeting Kanat on the rooftop of a skyscraper with very limited escape routes. Just when Ekim turns back to one of them - the elevator - she hears him say:
"I asked to cut off the power so you won't be able to use it for the next hour".
Ekim takes a deep breath and turns to face him. He's close now, way closer than she feels comfortable with. That's why she takes a step back and starts to search frantically for the access to the stairs.
"And the door to the stairs is locked", Kanat adds.
"So, that's your plan: to lure me to a place with no way out and force me to talk to you?" Ekim exclaims with annoyance.
"Yeah", Kanat responds easily, as if it's totally normal and there's nothing twisted about this.
And that's the whole problem - that the twisted has become his normal.
All of a sudden Ekim feels all annoyance and anger leave her. She's just... defeated.
"I don't want to talk to you, Kanat. Because there's nothing to talk about. You made it clear that you won't tell me who was with you that day, even though I think I know who that person is. You won't go to the police and confess. And you know I cannot go to the police because I don't have any proof. Even if I tell them that you confessed to me, we both know that you'll just deny everything".
"You know why I cannot go to the police. I told you about my father, what he's capable of. You have no idea what he'll do to my mom and my brother if he finds out the truth about the accident ".
"Well, you should've thought about this before you decided to play a sick game with your teacher!" Ekim yells in frustration.
"He wasn't innocent! We were trying to teach him a lesson. I told you that!" Kanat yells back, taking a step closer and crowding into Ekim's personal space.
"And who the hell were you to teach him a lesson? Are you the police? Or angels of vengeance? Oh, no, how could I forget? You're spoilt rich kids who think they own everything and everyone. No rules apply to you, you just do whatever the hell you want. You play with people's lives!"
By the end of her tirade Ekim's out of breath. She's in Kanat's personal space now, their chests almost touching, his heavy breathing ghosting over her face. They're staring each other down. But other than Kanat's usual stubbornness and challenge, that Ekim's so used to, there's also desperation and longing. So much longing that seeing it is akin to touching a raw nerve. That's why Ekim almost jumps away from Kanat. She cannot deal with his feelings and emotions right now, not when her own are threatening to drown her.
She puts as much physical distance between them as possible and turns away from him, from his pleading eyes, his handsome face that tricked her into believing that he was just as beautiful inside.
"You know what made me fall in love with you?" his voice behind her brings Ekim back to reality.
"Stop, please... I don't want to hear it", Ekim whispers.
Kanat goes on as if she hasn't spoken:
"It wasn't your beauty even though you're as beautiful as a girl can get. It wasn't even how brave you were, always going toe to toe with me, never backing down. It wasn't that big brain of yours that is so freakishly good with numbers but can also write prose and poetry. It was your heart and your ability to love. The way you love... So utterly and purely... With so much passion. I wanted that. To be on the receiving end of your loving gaze, your protectiveness. To have this privilege of being loved by you".
Ekim squeezes her eyes shut as if this alone could help her block Kanat's words. She feels tears slipping from under her closed lids when she utters:
"And you could've been loved by me. You were".
"But not anymore?" Kanat asks in a small voice that is so unnatural coming from him.
Because there's nothing small about him. He's tall and muscular and loud.
"Do you really hate me that much?"
At this question, Ekim finally decides to face him again. His eyes are still pleading but also moist now, his face as handsome as ever.
"I don't hate you. But I'm also not in love with you anymore".
The words are hard to say. But not because they're not true. Ekim isn't lying. She doesn't feel in love. She still loves him though. But this love is like an echo now.
And because Kanat's always been good at reading her, knowing exactly when she lies, he sees the truth of her words now. That's why whatever light, still left in his eyes, goes out, leaving them dead and empty. A shadow falls on his face as he presses his lips together tightly and gives her a short nod.
"Then I guess you're right - we really don't have anything to talk about. I'll make a call to get the elevator running again. Just give me a moment".
As Kanat takes his phone out of his pocket and turns away from her to make a call, Ekim realizes that she's lost a privilege of her own - seeing his sincere happy smile, the one that's born out of the knowledge that you're loved, and the hopeful look in his warm chocolate eyes.
