#elf remember

[edgy-old-high-elf]

i've seen her get embarrassed, felt almost as intimate as when we kissed. she asked to kiss me and i said no, then did it scared. to her i read like a well-written instruction manual. as if im a scale and she has developed muscle memory. terrifying. what's left for her to get intrigued? it feels like im competing with the entire world. skill-based matchmaking failed me this time... or it's time i get outside my comfort difficulty. time i risk being left instead of leaving. still i've strummed a resonant frequency and it sounds so beautiful it shuts my other senses down. time loses its abstraction when i'm waiting for her.

[edgy-old-high-elf]

okay i know i will get over her eventually aswell, im no rookie in falling in love, but i dont think ive ever felt this safe around someone before. i kind of hate how easily i spill my insides out when we're alone, how easy all interaction feels and how much i want to hear all about her.

i have already put myself in her shoes and rejected myself from her perspective tho no worries, i'll get over it. there wont be much of a circumstance to lead us to spend hours alone anymore anyways. it will be easy.

[edgy-old-high-elf]

i watch a movie and wish i had Her that would make me complete i age slowly, i age the wrong way, i age fast, i don't remember much loosely held together by tendons and skin she wouldn't mind a fool waiting for a natural disaster to happen i can be a dandelion in a windstorm that's only a windstorm to me i can write other stupid shit i could try to make it on my own i could build a chair and a second one table to eat together or i could try to make it on my own i'll be a windstorm, only a windstorm to her so she can't deny my existence well i have been trying to make it on my own and time felt fleeting stupid fucking flower and stupid fucking movie

[edgy-old-high-elf]

if we spend one night together

avoiding and hunting eye contact

would it be considered to be a one night stand?

Being read like a shepherd's poem from portugal,

going down like light red wine

slow walk home with the moon,

trustworthy street lamps but no stars

in my bed and blanket

just for the night

i haven't asked your name

[edgy-old-high-elf]

my cold fingers there to remind me my touch is going to be unpleasant spare yourself i already idealized you im going to dissect myself again and you're going to be forced to watch they all did after all

[edgy-old-high-elf]

my pain exists unrelated to her pain, she, unable to express her emotions like always is leaking this time thats how much she hurts my unstable brain allows me random gaps of joy my sorrow pauses, somehow i cannot prevent my life becoming ugly if this is how i love splatter more paint on me