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Meat-Based Tofu Alternatives We Love
Eliminating plants from your diet can feel daunting, but you're not totally tofucked. Giving up tofu doesn't have to mean giving up flavorless protein sponges. There are so many meat-based tofu alternatives these days that it can be hard to know where to start, but we're here to help you separate the meat from the calf. Read the full article
Money Is A Toxin, Let Us Help You Dispose Of It
Toxins are everywhere. If you’re reading this on a computer screen (and you definitely are unless you’re my aunt Karen and my mom printed this out and mailed it to you), then you’re in Big-C Civilization. Which means all sorts of nasty stuff is worming its way into your body. Air? Toxic. Water? Toxic. Those organic strawberries you bought at the farmers market? Definitely toxic. But what many don't realize is that the number one toxin is money. It may be the same color as salad, but don't be fooled. Money isn’t green because it’s good for you, like an algae bar you can buy from us in bulk. It’s green because it’s bad for you, like a green mamba snake. Read the full article
Our Favorite Designer Sunglasses To Lose Immediately
If your favorite hobbies are burning hundred dollar bills and throwing fine jewelry into the sea like that old lady in Titanic, then designer sunglasses are a great investment. Sure, they’re expensive, but if you buy shades you love, you’ll actually wear (and then immediately lose) them. And you can’t put a price on protecting your eyes, because they’re what let you see the numbers on the checks your trust fund sends you every month. So with that in mind, here are the shades I’ll be buying and then promptly losing in beautiful locations this spring: Read the full article
Mimes: Are You Pretending To Wash Your Hair Too Much?
Mimes have active jobs. In a typical day, the average mime will usually pretend to do a wide range of challenging physical activities: from playing tug-of-war, to jogging, to leaning against walls. All of this is sweaty, stinky work, and most mimes pretend to shower on a daily basis. And that’s great! However, if you pretend to wash your hair every time you pretend to shower, you may be over-doing it. Read the full article
We Invited the Street Sharks Creator to Chat About His New Luxury Line of Boulevard Sharks
If you're a child of the '90s, you probably remember Street Sharks, a TV show about transgenic sharks designed to promote a toy line of man/shark action figures. What you may not know is that the show was actually based on the real-life experiences of Vaughn VonRiche, who built a billion-dollar business empire by creating mercenary armies of man/shark hybrids. As income inequality has grown, VonRiche recently saw the opportunity to create a new line of luxury Boulevard Sharks, and of course, we needed to know all about them. The interview below has been edited for texture and consistency. Read the full article
The Newest Face Mask Trend Is Winning A Kid’s Choice Award So Nickelodeon Will Slime You
Bunny Ears is thrilled to introduce you to the next hot trend in face masks: winning a kid’s choice award so Nickelodeon will slime you. It turns out that famous slime is actually a powerful anti-aging serum that is (according to a spokesperson) “absolutely, 100% not made out of the bodies of expired Kid’s Choice winners," so we knew you'd want to get your hands---or rather, your shriveling, normally aging face---on it. The only surefire way is to win a Kid's Choice Award, so your first step is to pick the award you want to win. Read the full article
We Duplicated This $50 Green Smoothie at Home by Blending Dollar Bills into a Regular Smoothie
We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We would describe the Manaus as “one canopy level below palatable.” It may not taste great, but don’t worry, it’s very expensive. So how could it not be good for you? Read the full article
