Why are you scared of loving? For either god au -cj
Sarah runs her fingertips up and down Elsa’s body, feeling her, learning her, loving her. It’s easy to touch her after they’ve fooled around, and Elsa is so pliant and soft in these moments.
“Why are you scared of loving?” Sarah asks.
She knows Elsa used to be a believer, but fell out of the faith some two or three years ago. Sometimes she searches through her memories for Elsa’s prayers, just to feel them again in their thorough devotion.
“What do you mean?”
“Your lack of faith.”
Elsa huffs and scoots closer, wedging one of her legs between Sarah’s. “You really wanna talk about this now?”
“When else?”
When Elsa doesn’t answer, Sarah returns to her delicate touches and wonders what happened to such a devout woman.
it doesn’t have a name bc idk what I’d call it (and also I’ll probably never write it) but I was thinking about Elsa dealing w internalised homophobia and comphet (this is definitely not me projecting haha) and yeah this is what came from it !!
Elsa knows she likes girls, but she’s also dealing w some serious internalised homophobia, and therefore comphet. When she meets Will she basically latches onto him as sort of “That’s a tolerable man that I could have a crush on I guess”, and that’s why she’s constantly flirting w him
and the more she thinks about him the more stressed she gets, because one part of her is like You’re in love with him while the other part is like Please just accept that you’re gay
and she knows deep down that there’s nothing wrong with liking girls but it just feels so dirty so she stays really conflicted between these two parts of her
she sees Will basically every day at work which makes things really difficult (although he’s completely unaware), and it gets to the point where she’s so overwhelmed with all these questions and thoughts about herself that she’s too distracted to do her job properly
Dr Charles, being a psychiatrist, is the first to notice that something’s Not Right, so he asks her about it
and because she’s so messed up about it she basically just breaks down and tells him
he tells her about his last resident who also struggled with her sexuality, and Elsa’s like Oh you mean the one who hated you so much she left
despite this, he gives her Sarah’s name and email address in case she wants to get in touch and talk to someone who understands (bc he’s an old straight man) (this is also highly unprofessional to be giving out his ex-resident’s personal information but does anyone on this show care about ethics? no.)
Elsa spends ages deliberating over it and eventually finds Sarah on facebook and messages her (she feels awkward using the email Dr Charles gave her)
Sarah replies a few hours later, which Elsa wasn’t expecting at all, and they start talking
at first it’s mainly just about Elsa and her issues surrounding her sexuality (Sarah definitely uses her psychiatry training), but they soon start talking about regular things, and just having conversations when they feel like it, rather than when Elsa needs to vent/get advice
after a couple of months Elsa flies down to Waco to meet Sarah and it goes really well! they hit it off instantly and everything just feels so natural. there’s A Lot of flirting (and maybe a lil bit of kissing) but Elsa’s only there for a week and neither of them want to rush into anything so they leave it at that
Elsa applies for her residencies in and around Waco (partly because of Sarah and partly just because she wants to get out of Chicago) so once she’s graduated med school she moves down to Texas
she starts off in a little apartment but Sarah convinces her that she has to move in with her so she does and it’s just,, so good
they both feel loved and safe for probably the first time in their lives and it’s something neither of them thought they’d ever fully experience (but they’re so glad they have)
say one thing you’re thankful for that the skam france fandom gave you (rep/friendships/knowledge) and tag 10 people to do them same
I’ve been tagged by @elsarah, thank you ❤️❤️❤️
For sure, it’s the friendships that I have gathered the past year, starting with WTFock and now SKAM France. I also got my Deaf/hard of hearing rep on TV, and it helps to spread awerness to people on how hard it is to be deaf/hard of hearing. To see in some way on how a person can easily deny you access just beacuse you don’t have a perfect hearing like they do. But at the same time, watching FSL is so beautiful because it’s so similiar but so different to ASL here in America. It was awesome.
Elsa nudges the fat pumpkin with the toe of her boot, happy at the slight hollow thud it makes when her boot connects with the bright rind. The thing must weigh some thirty or fourty pounds, but something about it just seems right. It’s wider than her. She turns pleading eyes to Sarah and gestures to the pumpkin.
“Please?”
“If you can carry it, sure,” Sarah teases, though they both know she will help Elsa lift it into the wheelbarrow to carry to the checkout station.
Excited, Elsa claps her hands and grabs the bottom, lifting with all her might while Sarah takes the other side. Damn, it’s heavy. But between the two of them and a sweat broken in the autumn heat, they manage to get it into the rusty red wheelbarrow and leverage it up off the ground to steer.
“This thing is impossible,” she whines, pushing it with a great effort through the patch.
“You chose the pumpkin.”
“You’re bullying me.”
Sarah huffs a laugh and stands at Elsa’s side, taking one arm of the wheelbarrow to help push it forward.
“How many more innocent people have to die?” Sarah/Elsa
Letters!AU //
Dear Dr. Reese,
My name is Elsa Curry, a medical student pursuing my second doctorate in Chicago, and I have taken an interest in your case study of Ava Bekker. Other psychiatrists, including Dr. Crockett Marcel, have raised questions of the ethics of your study, and of his own. I wonder how many more innocent people have to die before he realizes that Bekker is not stable enough for traditional study.
This is besides the point.
Attached is my CV and the paper I wrote for my thesis on the abnormal psyche of Will Halstead, and I believe that studying Ava Bekker would be valuable for my education. Furthermore, I believe I could be of assistance. You see, Dr. Reese, I was the only one able to get any decent information out of Halstead in finding the remains of his victims because killers tend to underestimate my strength, physically and emotionally. They also think themselves smarter than I am, and slip up when they speak to me.
Together, perhaps we could unlock more about Ava Bekker’s personality and truly understand why she snapped the way that she did.
They know what they look like ahead of time, of course. They’ve exchanged photos like crazy, just as commonplace as their texts and calls. But still, Elsa is nervous Sarah won’t recognize her, or even think she’s ugly enough in person to simply leave behind rather than meet (even if she knows Sarah isn’t like that). What started as an outreach to find out how to cope with Dr. Charles is now so much more.
She sees Sarah first, stepping off the Greyhound and holding her backpack straps with a familiar nervousness. Elsa does that too. She calls Sarah’s name, perhaps too loud, and is rewarded with an absolutely stunning smile that lights up the whole world. God, she’s beautiful. She’s so beautiful. She’s the most stunning woman to ever walk the earth, and suddenly her arms are wrapped around Elsa in the world’s safest embrace.
“I hope this is okay,” she says, her lips moving against Elsa’s temple. “I just really needed to hug you.”
Elsa nods and loses herself in the hug. It’s so warm. So safe. So perfect. She never could have imagined before that someone as beautiful and lovely as Sarah would ever want her, but here they are at the bus station, with Elsa going up on her toes to reach for a kiss, one freely given and tasting of those red hot candies she eats by the bucketfull. She must have been snacking on them on the ride. In truth, Elsa doesn’t mind the taste, not with everything else this moment brings.
“This is literally a dream come true.”
Sarah’s laugh is the sun that brings the dawn, the moon that washes over the city streets, the stars that children wish upon. She is everything. Elsa kisses her again, and again and again, until her lips are tingling and she has no choice but to feel so completely and irrevocably in love that she’s drowning in it.
