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Sara sits down to talk with @prince-of-elsinore, aka Prince_of_Elsinore, an incredibly talented author who has spent many thousands of words exploring the heart of the relationship between the characters of Dean and Sam Winchester from Supernatural. Sara and elsi cover the show itself (that finale!) and discuss three of elsi’s works centered around Sam and Dean over the course of their lives together.
elsi speaks in depth about the differences between gencest and Wincest, and the thin and not-so-thin lines that form the fascinating gradient between. elsi explains their love for this “ultimate ship” and why the heart of a good Wincest fic treats “problematic” aspects of the ship directly, in a way that feels honest, unafraid, and faithful to Sam and Dean themselves as characters.
Other topics include: writing style, “Id fic”, letting subtext tell the story and do the heavy lifting, and how elsi’s experience in fanfiction has informed and differed from their professional, original writing experiences, and why fanfiction isn’t just “the minor leagues” of the publishing writing world, but an artistic pursuit entirely of its own.
Bulletin Items!
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Episode References
Work - “Baton Rouge” by elsi
Work - “Understand the Undernetting” by elsi
Work - “December, Sutter County” by elsi
elsi’s ‘deserted island’ book - Poetry by Wisława Szymborska
elsi is reading - "CivilWarLand in Bad Decline" by George Saunders
elsi is reading - "Nonrequired Reading" by Wisława Szymborska
Ao3 Collection - “Wanted Man” Challenge
elsi rec - author: nigeltde
elsi rec - author: deadlybride
elsi rec -author: damnablebell
elsi rec -author: flesh, aka fleshflutter
elsi rec -author: Edwardina
elsi rec - "Carry Me Over the Sky" by killabeez (SPN Wincest)
elsi rec - "Splinters" by Morgan (SPN horror western)
elsi rec - "Squint into the Sunset | Glare into the Gloaming" by @dyed-red
The next few days pass in much the same fashion as the first day she awoke. Her body is still recovering and she finds she tires easily, which means as much as she does not wish to, they remain in Melarue’s home. The second day, she makes remarks that they need to move on, but she has a coughing fit and is quickly taken to bed. Adair, the healer, is brought to her and simply explains that she has overexerted her exhausted lungs. With his guidance and blessing, Ash and Melarue insist she stay until she is fully recovered at least. Despite her concerns, she gives into them. It wouldn’t be protecting Ash in the long run if they were to run off and for her to die on Ash because she insisted on leaving before she was properly recovered.
In the meanwhile, she takes her repose in the library, finding she likes many of the books Melarue has stocked. And what she hasn’t read, she is interested in trying, compiling a list and gets to tackling it in short order.
Ash sets to school work as well with a new accessory - glasses. Melarue apparently had them made when they saw her struggling with reading a note. Every now and then, Kass hears her daughter gasp as she spies something new to gaze upon. Kass knew her daughter couldn’t see as well as some, but she never...spectacles are a new invention and not exactly accessible to someone of her station. As grateful and happy she is for her daughter, Kass worries this is just another debt she will never be able to repay Melarue. They haven’t asked for any payment or when Kass and Ash will leave, but surely they must feel the effects of their presence. The food costs alone have increased by two people and bringing Kass back from the depths of her illness, plus Ash’s glasses….
“It’s too much,” she tells Melarue on the seventh morning. Ash had just flitted from the room for a morning swim before her new tutor arrived. A tutor Melarue had hired. Kass rubs her horn, shaking her head.
“I can’t pay you, but I can work. I’m good with security, I could help out at one of your houses or...I can learn whatever it is you need because I can’t just sit here and let you...can you tell me what you want from me so I can do it? Please?” She pleads, her heart aching in her chest (though that may be her lungs).
They remain still at the table, the wide dark glasses hiding much of their expression.
“You want to know what I want?” They ask.
“Yes.”
“Very well. I want you to be healthy and happy, to relax and enjoy life for once. Ash was quite talkative while you were asleep. She told me of how you always worked to make sure her life was good. I heard of how hard you have allowed your life to be so hers isn’t. What I want, Kassaran, is for your life to not be so hard anymore. There are so few good people in this world, I would hate to see yet another kind soul squashed by the world.”
Too stunned to speak, Kass merely watches as Melarue rises from their seat. Their hand adjusts their glasses then touches their hair before turning and walking from the table. They pause at the double doors before speaking.
“Ash is a lovely girl, I hate to think of her living her life on the run.” They don’t wait for her reply before quickly exiting the room.
For a long moment, Kass just sits there. They want...her to be healthy and happy. Of all the things she expected, that was the last of them. And what was all that about the world squashing another kind soul? She wasn’t getting squashed. Alright, she nearly died last week but that was because of a disease. And yes, maybe she caught the disease because she was forced on the run by bigoted fools. The fact remained that she didn’t die...because of Melarue.
Damn, what kind of situation is this? She has faced more monsters than most hunters or mercenaries could ever hope to survive. She’s bested vampires, worms, werewolves, wild hippogriffs, a pack of crocottas, a very odd sphynx even! She engaged in verbal spars with a gigantic possessed tree that was somehow destroying a nearby apple orchard and would only stop once someone engaged in a battle of wit. On more than one All Soul’s Day, she has spoken with enraged spirits, dispelled ghosts, and even helped banish a demon with a determined priestess. She encountered a naga who was being hunted by a prince, saved her and helped her open a pottery store. So many things and creatures she has experienced, yet nothing in all of her experience of dangerous creatures could ever prepare her for this. She doesn’t even know what to call this. Hospitality is too tame a word and friendship is too familiar.
“Compassion is a strange thing to experience if someone has never felt its gentle touch,” the maid, Elsi, comments as she comes in to clean the table. Kass frowns.
“I know compassion. I’m a compassionate person.”
Elsi chuckles and looks up, her odd eyes catching the light, “Being compassionate and having compassion shown to you are two separate things, my lady.” When Kass continues to frown at the girl, she rolls her eyes and sets her cleaning supplies to the side.
“My mother was a harpy who was killed by a hunter who didn’t care to know that she wasn’t terrorizing anyone, just trying to provide for her three daugthers. My sisters were older and took after the hunter, promising to return but they never did. I was starving when Melarue found me. They groomed my feathers and took me in, offered me a place to stay until I was ready to go. I had been alone for three years by that point, scavenging for scraps of food. I didn’t know a kind soul for that entire time until they found me and I fought them hard. I attacked them, screamed at them, and they took it until I was calm enough to tend to me. It was so hard to accept the compassion and I kept feeling like I had to repay them - I brought them so many shiny rocks as is customary in harpy culture. But they wanted what they want for you - health, happiness, and freedom. I learned a valuable lesson from them in this,” Elsi pauses and reaches up to the collar of her dress, pulling out a necklace that copies Melarue’s. She unhooks it and Kass gasps in awe. Dull brown hair is replaced with soft brown feathers that cascade down her shoulders and join the great wings that spring from her back, flight feathers tipped in white. Unlike a full-blooded harpy, she retains separate arms from her wings, her hands however have talons rather than nails. She turns back to Kass, her eyes now showing avian sharpness and curiosity.
“People are quite like animals. If one has only experienced harsh touches and actions, they expect all touches and actions to be harsh. Compassion breaks that mold and it first feels like it must be insidious. It takes time to learn to accept the good when all you know is bad.” Elsi clicks the necklace back into place and she reverts back to her nondescript maid appearance. She gathers up the remains of breakfast and hurries back into the kitchen.
Kass blinks and tries to make sense of what just happened. She remembers a job she could have taken about five years ago, two villages coming together to expel a roost of dangerous harpies. The pay was very good but the village was just too far, Kass would have been gone for at least five months just for this one job. She knows the hunter responsible for completing it however, now lauded as a hero rather than just a mercenary hunter.
She wonders at what would have happened if she had accepted the job instead of him. Would this girl have suffered as much as she has?
It doesn’t do much to consider such things now, but it prickles at her mind. She could have helped instead of hurt, could have...but all the “coulds” in the world have never turned into a “did.”
Kass supposes there is truth to what Elsi said about compassion. It’s a wild thought to have, that she hasn’t experienced kindness in so long that she doesn’t know how to handle it. For so long she has been the mercenary, the hunter, compelled to do the right thing by her own moral compass, not because the world has been particularly good to her. Far from it.
No longer stunned into paralysis, Kass rises from the table and sets out to find Melarue. She is heading up the stairs when they appear at the top, dressed in a lovely gown of aubergine. There are black feathers atop their head and a small veil comes over their glasses, further obscuring their face.
“Melarue, I would like to apologize,” she says quickly seeing that they are donning their traveling gloves.
“For what?” They ask, stepping down to meet her as she climbs up.
“For my earlier outburst, I was being terribly ungracious and I see now that you are merely compassionate and I am so used to taking care of other people that I don’t have the slightest idea of how to let someone else take care of me,” she babbles quickly, only to stop when they reach up with their ungloved hand to press a single finger to her lips. She stills at their touch, their finger soft on her bitten lip.
“No apology is necessary, I understand. I was in a similar state when you found me in that cave.” Their hand shifts so that their fingertips caress her cheek in a quick motion. Electricity zings through her making her inhale sharply. The touch is over in a second. They retract their hand but do not move away from her.
“I will be back much later today,” they murmur, yet still they don’t move. They both stand there, not moving or speaking. She wonders if this is what happens right before they turn someone into a statue. She flexes her fingers to test the theory, finding she can move them, but her legs do not wish to move and neither do her eyes.
“I feel like I saw more of you in that cave than I do standing here,” she whispers, not knowing what inspired that comment. So inappropriate!
Their lips part to reply, but a door bangs open downstairs and the sound of shoes on tile echoes up the foyer.
“Melarue, the carriage has arrived,” Elsi calls, jarring them both out of whatever odd stasis had overtaken them. Melarue turns from Kass and slides the glove onto their hand then moves past her to finish their descent down the stairs. Kass turns to watch Elsi slide a coat onto them. Their movements are quick, purposeful, but they pause after opening the front door. They turn ever so slightly towards her before leaving.
The door clicks shut and silence resounds through the foyer.
Elsi glances up at Kass and smiles, “Stay awhile, will you?”
“Yes.”
**
Melarue doesn’t return until hours past dinner. The sun has long since set and Kass would have gone to sleep if she hadn’t been caught up in the thought of seeing them again. Clearly, rationality has left her. She is curled up in the library when a shadowed figure slowly walks by the open door. Kass closes the book she was reading and leaps up to follow the figure.
Only when she gets into the hallway does she recognize the figure as Melarue. They are lurching down the hallway, holding their hand up against the light. Their movements are stiff yet uncoordinated, as if nursing an injury. A quick glance to the floor confirms their it - drops of blood trail behind them.
“Melarue,” she calls. They pause and wave a still gloved hand at her.
“Leave me.”
“I can help,” she says, quickly reaching them. Their head is bent, hair hanging loosely to obscure their face. “Please, let me help,” she whispers. They don’t look at her but nod once. Relieved, Kass bends down and picks them up with ease.
“I can walk,” they protest.
“Not well, and not fast enough to make sure no one else sees,” she replies in a low voice. A disgruntled sigh escapes them and they do not protest again until she has them upstairs in their sitting room.
“Here, no further,” they murmur. She closes the door after setting them on a long tufted fainting couch. The gas lamps are still lit in the room, filling the space with a warm glow. When Kass turns to them, their face is contorted into a grimace of pain.
“Tell me what hurts.”
“My eyes, the lights...the glasses protect everyone else but after awhile…”
“It hurts you,” she finishes for them. She glances around the room, not finding anything she needs to help with that but she knows there are cloths and water in her bathroom. “I will be right back,” she tells them then slips from their room and hurries to her bathroom. She gathers up two cloths and soaks them in warm water before returning to Melarue’s side. She grabs her small first aid kit along the way as well.
“Shut your eyes,” she asks softly. She waits a second then reaches up and slowly eases the heavy glasses off of their face. They are...so beautiful, she thinks, with their sharp features and soft skin. But the pain lines their face and so she gently places the warm, wet cloth over their eyes.
“Relax,” she murmurs, then sets to work on finding the source of the blood. She finds it quickly enough on their left thigh, a stab wound that has not been bandaged properly. When she leans in, the edges of the wound reveal that there was a toxin used.
“The blade was poisoned.”
“Envenomed, no need to worry, I’m immune,” they say, but she tsks her tongue anyways and sets to cleaning the wound. She takes the catgut out of the stitching kit and heats a needle over one of the flames before stitching them as quickly as she dares. They grunt at the discomfort but otherwise do not speak. She bandages them anew and tells them she is going to put on a spot of healing tea.
They grimace, “Tea, must I suffer.”
“Melarue, you were stabbed.”
“I will withstand the wound.”
“You’re being a bit dramatic, the tea will help,” Kass argues but their mouth is set and she knows there will be no convincing them. Oddly enough, it makes her chuckle. “Very well, no tea. But you need rest, a good bit of it. You shouldn’t go out tomorrow.”
“The knife was aimed for one of my girls, I will need to check on her tomorrow. Her baby could come any day now.”
Kass raises an eyebrow at them, “Someone tried to stab pregnant woman?”
They wave, “Idiotic nobleman’s wife found out about his forays into the house. News traveled that the woman he favors there is pregnant. Since he was vain enough to assume the child is his, he set out to kill his supposed bastard child. Nevermind that the babe isn’t his, we serve all customers a twenty-four hour sterility tonic before seeing one of the workers. Still, I need to be there for her.”
“Smart of you to serve that tonic. But you need the rest. What if...what if I go in your stead? I’ve birthed a few babies in my time, and had a baby as well. Dealt with my fair share of bad folks, too,” she suggests, remaining kneeling by them.
“I cannot appear weak,” they say and she shakes her head.
“How is sending a large woman with a big sword with lots of experience in both of these areas appearing weak? Unless you see me as weak.”
They raise a finger at her, “You’re trying to manipulate me.”
She grins, “Transparently. Still, my points remain.”
Even when they cannot see her, they manage to raise their hand and bring it to her cheek, “I suppose I still struggle with accepting help.”
“The best of us do,” Kass whispers, resisting the urge to turn her head into their touch. That same electricity from earlier sparks along her skin, making her heart beat faster.
The corners of their lips turn upward and their fingers graze lower until they come to her lips. She stops breathing for the barest of moments as the fingers run along her lower lip.
“Very well,” they whisper so soft she nearly doesn’t catch it. They bring their fingers from her lips to theirs and their voice is louder when they speak, “Go.” It isn’t harsh, but equal parts request and command. One that she is quite happy to follow, her mind in tumultuous confusion and odd arousal.
She leaves the room and dashes to her own, shutting the door, hoping that perhaps the physical barriers between them will calm the thundering of her heart. For all her experience, she never is prepared for them, she realizes.
Kass touches her lip where they had, remembering the soft pressure of their fingers. Is it possible they are doing this to her on purpose? There are creatures out there with immense seductive powers and Melarue’s powers have never been mapped in totality. It’s...possible, she supposes, but she doubts for some reason they would use it on her. They made sure she was protected from their eyes and have avoided her for the most part. They are polite in her company, and it is only recently, after their touches, that she has begun to feel this confusing way.
For all the vipers’ nests she’s been in, both metaphorical and literal, she never anticipated being holed up so happily in one.
**
The next day, Kass wakes early and dons her mercenary gear. She braids her hair back and adopts her stern, ‘I’m a badass mercenary hunter, don’t mess with me’ look. She looks in the mirror and for the first time in too long of a time she doesn’t feel dread. For so long, this gear meant a hunt or a run, it meant separation from Ash and doing things she didn’t agree with. It meant sacrificing part of herself for survival. Now, however, she feels purposeful. She is going to help this girl at the house and Melarue, and she won’t feel like she’s a useless lump around this mansion.
Kass leaves the room with more pep in her step than usual. It’s early enough that the sky is still a rich blue with night, only now beginning to light. It’s her favorite time of day, when the dark is just about to be extinguished by the light, but in the meanwhile, the sky is so blue and pure and beautiful.
The house is just waking as well. Kass comes across Elsi on her way to the kitchen for breakfast to find the girl not yet disguised. Her wings are stretched out as she yawns, her talons flexed as she shakes off sleep.
“Good morning, Elsi,” Kass says, scooching by her, careful not to touch her wings.
“Good morning, Kassaran. Melarue is in the sunroom and would like to speak with you before you depart. I’ll bring out tea and scones for you.” The girl clicks her necklace into place, her wings shimmering from view.
“Thank you, and you don’t need to do that. You should be comfortable,” Kass says.
“That is very kind of you, but I’m more comfortable this way. Anyone could come over and I...would not like to be caught unawares.” Kass nods her understanding. As much as Melarue has created a safe haven for atypical creatures, the world is still not safe for them. Elsi has seen and experienced too much to not be paranoid about being caught as masquerading as a human. She would also risk ousting Melarue and any other monstrous people who live in this house.
Elsi walks to the kitchen while Kass changes direction and heads for the sunroom. The room is adjacent to the glassed-in pool, angled to catch the morning sun. Even now, what little light that is beginning to shed this early is funneled straight into the room. Melarue sits close to a window, their back turned to the light. They are unlike any time Kass has seen them - free of makeup and pomp, dressed only in a plush robe and a large wrap around their head containing their hair.
They are wearing their glasses again, seeming recovered enough to don them once more. They sip from a large mug, steam curling upward to fog their glasses.
Their neck is bare.
It takes Kass a moment to realize they are allowing themselves to appear as they truly are to her. Their gaze is withheld for protection, but here they are in the light, unadorned. Her heart clenches at the sentiment as she takes a seat in the seat across from them.
“Good morning,” she greets. They lower the mug, but keep it between their hands. Her brow furrows as she notes how their shoulders remain close to them and exactly how thick the material of their robe is.
“Are you cold? I could fetch you a blanket or -
They wave her off, “I am always cold in the morning. It is a part of...who I am.”
“Don’t tell Ash, she’ll make it her personal mission to keep you warm and may accidentally set you on fire,” Kass jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Their mouth quirks up.
“I am aware of her gift, she will be quite the talented mage. Her tutor is here to assist her with the gift as well as her academics.”
“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you,” Kass says, only slightly surprised at this point.
Their expression turns into a full smirk, “Not everything.”
Elsi chooses that moment to enter the room, setting a tray full of scones, soft-boiled eggs, and tea fixings on the table between Kass and Melarue. Both of them thank Elsi before she slips out again. After a moment, Kass leans forward and fixes her cup of tea - peppermint by the smell, her favorite - and takes a scone along with a good smattering of the clotted cream. Melarue takes a scone and the entire platter of eggs, moving the plate to a table to their immediate right.
Kass sips her tea and eats her scone. It’s all very delicious of course, the chef is nothing short of amazing. She tries not to pay too much attention to how Melarue eats, but it’s difficult. It’s different from when they have joined Kass and Ash for meals in the past. They eat the eggs first in quick order - all five halves. Before, they ate leisurely, often not finishing much of anything, but here they seem to inhale their food.
They pause and she feels their gaze shift to her, “My apologies, I-
“No need to apologize,” she says quickly, “diets are part of it. I fed a vampire once, this isn’t nearly as...if anything, the onus on me, I shouldn’t stare. My apologies.”
She turns back to her tea, letting its warmth heat her up from the inside out. She does not look up again until they speak once more.
“The carriage will come for you soon. My driver will take you to the house, he will be instructed to wait for one of my people to bring materials for me. You will be met by Morwen, ask him to send Aster back with the carriage with all of the books. Morwen will take you to Suvenin, you are to check on her and remain present throughout the day to make sure nothing goes awry. I have written notes for Morwen, Aster, and Suvenin so they know this as per my request.” They hand over the letters and Kass nods, tucking them into the interior breast pocket of her coat.
“Morwen wears a similar necklace as I do,” Melarue says in a measured voice. Kass nods again, knowing that anything that could give Melarue and the others away also gives up her and her daughter. She needs the preparation that Morwen is like them, however, to make sure she doesn’t give any hints. She’s a former hunter, there are always eyes, always someone who is a little too observant who can be taken advantage of.
“You are unfortunately very recognizable,” they continue, leaning down to bring up a small wooden box. They set it on the table, nudging it towards her. She picks it up and opens it, finding a necklace mimicking their own.
“I started the commission for two necklaces when you and your daughter initially arrived. This is the only one that is ready.”
But these are for monsters, she wants to say but she bites her tongue. Is she not a monster now too? Is she not on the run from those who would slay her and her daughter for merely existing? Pursing her lips, Kass lifts the necklace and snaps it into place around her neck. The tingle of magic vibrates all over her, her skin turning from its soft grey to a cool dark brown. She reaches up and feels her horns, but she somehow also knows that those are no longer visible. A glance at her arm reveals that her pearly white hair is now a stark black.
“Your eyes are the same,” Melarue says, “the eyes are one thing the necklace cannot disguise.” They say it with a hint of bitterness that betrays them.
Kass gives them a reassuring smile, “I’ll make sure it goes well. They’re safe with me.”
“I know,” they say softly. Their ear twitches and Kass swears she sees their hair covering move, but they reach up and adjust the tie and it’s as if nothing happened.
“Please remember to rest today,” she reminds them, “some light book work should be fine, but sleep really is the best thing for you right now.”
“Always the mother,” they tease and she shrugs.
“I care.” Their expression softens and they reach up to pat at their hair covering, seemingly at a loss for words. The loss oddly fills Kass with a pride she has no business feeling. She’s had no business feeling half the feelings she’s been having to begin with, she doesn’t need to add this to the pile. Kass rises from her seat and walks over to them, still adjusting to see brown skin when she’s accustomed to grey.
She sticks out her hand to them, trying not to stare at her befuddling color, “I customarily shake hands with my employer after taking a job. Seals the deal, so to speak.” They eye the hand before sliding theirs to shake hers. Long, slim fingers slide against her palm and hold her hand as she grasps theirs. Their skin is so soft, so smooth and the touch feeds a hunger that has been growing inside of her.
They release her, a small smile spreading across their face, “It’s sealed. If you need assistance, do not hesitate to send for me.”
“Of course. Now rest up, or I’ll make you drink that tea.” She wags her finger at them as she strides from the room and towards the front to meet the driver.
