It's been 2 years and 4 months since I saw you last...It's times where I can only jog through the memory of loosing you. Coming to terms with knowing your not caked up with someone else or out busy working on your dreams is where the pain truly lies. Your not an ex I can wish the best for. Your not an ex I can check on social media for or ask your "friends" about. Your my baby that I'll never be able to see again...I read your Tumblr and just shed tears. As a man knowing something and someone you'd give your all for has given their all to the wrong thing it tares me apart. Every year on my mother's birthday I'll remember your last words. Every Valentine's Day I'll think of the Birds Of Paradise I bought you. Every birthday I'll remember you being by my side as I wake up from my joyous night. Every time I'm in Cali I'll only have thoughts about how proud and happy you would've been with me enjoying life on the west coast. I've isolated myself. I tried dating after you passed and that fucked me up even more. I question what I could've done and know all my flaws and I'm forced to live with every decision I did or didn't make. But throughout all these words of pain I just want to ask you to just lay with me tonight. ..please Mecca just lay by my side













