#emelancholia

[couchsitter]

377

Run, tell me, run tell him, go, tell her, spin the bottle, close your eyes wait for the press of lips to catch her by surprise. Tell me, no, no, no heart, please don’t Run, fingers through my hair, scent of musk and taste of pear. Tell him, lies, Run, open up your eyes, tell her, please soft and gentle as if we’re elemental All I see is All he sees is All she knows. tell her, tell him I won't, Run Run Run. Tell her.

[couchsitter]

376

Wild fox, wild flower, wild hair, wild heart. A spirit born in summer never meant to cool.

[couchsitter]

372

She died in 2003 with her innocence and high-school degree. There was nothing left. She could do no more and she wouldn't let the weight of the future control her. So, she said 'goodbye.'

[couchsitter]

371

Perhaps, there was a time when the morning wasn’t so grim. Where I awakened wide eyed, and things fell softly into place. like the drawing of breath into my lungs, a simple act easily forgotten until it’s quite difficult to make. I’ve made that mistake. taking for granted the process because my throat aches when I barely speak and my joints crack when I hardly move and the earth spins like they all go on Just for the grief in the morning and my lack of wanting more than heavy lids that barely lift stiff and stuck to a life never lived I've been here always unsure when time will stop moving and I will

[couchsitter]

368

you were my everything and for a time that was enough even now it still is when I know I mean nothing to you. I guess I'm stupid. Hanging on like a child would an insignificant loss like no ice cream for bad behavior, no last ride at the carnival for straying off but it's easier to admit to myself how incredibly selfish I am waiting for someone who will never give a damn because you are the Ferris wheel spinning round till I'm sick and the sweetest thing I cursed my parents out for just too much, too quick. You are everything.

[couchsitter]

366

Among scattered houses, she stands in the bitter cold. Striking – the wind that passes, a beauty within the snow. Where smoke unfurls in wilderness from chimney fire and warm breath. A world that changes in an instant once tapestry now, blank canvas. What darkness waits to swallow whole she devours rightly so for light is hidden inside her coat at the ready of – Falling quick upon their roofs Flush with Summer’s spinning hoop of heat and rose and weeping willow tree All gone, instantaneously. There they are within her reach carried by the doves that stove each tiny flake unique on their own but terribly, hard to keep. Like a devil kissing an Angel’s cheek. It cannot stay, not here nor memory. So, at the ready of herself she says, the magic words that quell our heads, All lost within a single second “Love?” Gone. in an instant.

[couchsitter]

365

The rain falls in prominent sheets each split and cut into irregular droplets. Inside, we gather unsure of the consequence. All is drowning but at least we can swim. All is drowning but even swimmers float. All is within this storm but we perish the same. Outside, the tapping on rooftops and windows is the small death of those who fall into this world without arms to catch them. They're busy safely watching inside.

[couchsitter]

364

My hands are empty. My treasures all spent. I do not have the worth for all that I've lent. I've squandered my diamonds and bartered my gold all for the warmth of half hearted souls. They tell in kindness. How they'll never go but I in such blindness should have known this cold in my blood mistaken for what? Other then... I am never enough. I know I am never enough but what can I give? My house is vacant. My hope chest filled with air and the last I've heard from you was... 'I never cared if she was there.'