#emfp

[queer-ii]

How effective do you think marriage councilling would be if you threw Hera & Zeus and Oberon & Titania into the same room?

I think it could be pretty successful. I'll let you guys know when I figure it out.

[queer-ii]

Mothman has a fantastic singing voice and I thought you all should know. 

[queer-ii]

I wonder what 469's favorite music genre is.

I have to assume that rock tastes like salt, classical tastes like dairy products, and dubstep probably tastes like cranberries.

[queer-ii]

Why are people afraid of the world ending?

Zombies? Sounds like fun, especially for people who want to be zombies. 10/10.

Vampires? Who doesn’t like vampires at least a little bit, come on they’re cool and drink blood and they are a blast to talk to.

Androids/AI taking over? Good for them, they deserve it! They’re far superior to humans anyway. 

WW3/Bombing ourselves out of existence? Well gee, we kind of deserve it for letting things reach this point again. We should’ve learned better.

Solar flares? It’s a natural occurrence that can’t be stopped, just like if a meteor comes and kills us all like the dinosaurs. It’ll likely happen so fast you won’t even realize it anyway. 

Particularly bad Natural Disasters/Climate Change? Wowie we deserve this one too. You know, with the whole pillaging the planet and all. 

We consume too many resources, the planet can’t handle it anymore, and everyone who can’t leave the planet dies off? Well that’s shitty, but kind of humanity’s fault. 

Animals become sentient and take over? I would actually love for this to happen, it sounds like fun and I would much rather be controlled by my pets than by Jimmy down the street because he thinks that helping other people is a bad thing. 

A mass extinction event kills off humanity? Good. It’s a natural occurrence, and if it’s our time then let’s gO.

A disease takes us all out? Good for that little fella, you’ve evolved to become so powerful!

Mutants evolve from humans and completely dominate the rest of us? Good for you! That’s how evolution works. 

Someone brings back dinosaurs and we’re stupid enough to not properly handle them? Seems like fun, I want to be eaten by a prehistoric whale. 

Some religion got it right and judgement day arrives? It didn’t come fast enough. Pick up the pace guys I’ve been falling behind enacting everyone’s karma. 

Aliens? Aliens. Who doesn’t love aliens. Come fuck humanity up, guys.

The people in the sewers decide to come back up? Good for them, they need more sunlight.

[queer-ii]

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Me, sweating and trying to not say that I am going to be married to Mothman and living in the woods where I have not only become a local cryptid, but I also have enough rats and varying rodents to rival Willard; U-Um. I'd like to hopefully be manager. Maybe?

[queer-ii]

You know who has really bad breath? Godzilla.

Stop laughing guys, he has trouble finding oral hygiene products that can actually make a difference.

[queer-ii]

I heard one of you fuckers stole a selkie skin.

You better give it back or I'll find you and kick you ass.

[queer-ii]

Guys I need your help

I got separated from mothman in a grocery store last week.

He has an obsession with wanting to fly into the "lamp in the sky" and I really need to stop him from doing that, lol.