I don't have time
I don’t have time for unnecessary drama. Unnecessary bullshit wasting my time. My family’s time, my friend’s time.
Infuriating human beings fucking with the life of my friends and I.
Making us hurt, tearing us down. Making us angry, making us drown in frustration and sadness. Making us think about our appearance, our reputation, our low standards. How low our standards must have been to be with you. To be seen with you. To be talking to someone like you. Making me choose between a lover or a friend. Making me choose between what you think makes me happy, and what you think makes me happy.
Talking shit about people that I love. Pulling the ones i love and i further and further away from me. Taking up so much of my time. Making me forget what’s really important.
Stretching us,
Pulling us,
Ripping and tearing us. Making me go insane. Making me fill with anxiety. Calling me a paranoid bitch for having suspicions? Verbally abusing me? Scaring me into thinking certain things? Keeping me attached to you? It confuses me. Confuses me how you make me wait on hand and foot. And then, once I’ve said it. Once I’ve said those three little words.
The ones you begged for, The ones you waited for, The ones you seemingly yearned for knowing I haven’t told another soul on this earth.
I. Love. You.
You gained my trust, used it. And you threw it away.
You would rather fuck? You would rather lust? You would rather self please?
You hypocritical, You self-centered, You disgusting, Piece of shit. I let you in.
Why don’t you go smoke? Why don’t you fuck someone else?
“But I didn’t realize that feeling so confident, feeling so great about myself and then it just be completely shattered. By one thing. By something so stupid. But then you make me feel crazy, you make me feel like it’s myfault. I was in pain.”
It’s sad that this proves how much stronger I am than you. With my friends there for me. To wipe away my tears away for me. Who will always be here for me. That will answer my calls of stress, anger, depression, and anxiety.
When i’m not okay. When I am okay. When I’m at my saddest. When I’m at my happiest. That will help me. That will guide me. That will love me, not judge me.
This experience with you has not ruined me as a tiny human on earth, but made me stronger.
Made me look deeper. Made me have patience. Made me weary of crushes. I will crush. Not be crushed. And when I am crumbling, My friends will be there. That I do have time for. I loved you. Hence the past tense. You’re the past. You’re just an ex.