(Spideypool secret Santa Valentines day fic) Seduce me with your Assholery (or repel me with your Kindness)
I am SO sorry that this is late, I wanted it to be perfect. After some extensive research on what smarm is, I hope I got this right. I hope you enjoy! (Also I might be writing a sequel to this so just keep on the look out for that)
“Deadpool is an asshole! Granted, a funny asshole, an asshole with a great fighting form, but still an asshole!” Peter cried as he entered his apartment through the window and flopped onto the sofa. The sore body of the young hero melted into the plush sofa as Peter relaxed, mentally thanking Mr. Stark for that loan to get a better apartment (Tony wanted to just give Peter the money, but Peter insisted that he would pay it back). Peter began shifting in his seat to sit up properly. The New York Spring air cooled down the sore hero who had just came back from combat. The sore muscles began working once more to shed off the Spider themed uniform. The now naked boy picked up his dirty combat clothes and dropped them into the hamper while he walking into the bathroom. Once the sore feet hit the cool tile in the shower, Peter was ready to just fall asleep right there. But he had to clean himself off first. After turning the water on and setting it to the kind of hot that was almost too hot, Peter just stood under the spray and relaxed. He was tight on his water usage last month, so Peter guessed he could splurge a little bit, a treat to himself may be it.
Soon the brown hair was being lathered with Shampoo and Peter continued his monologue. "Well. I guess he's not /that/ bad, he is funny, like I said before.. And he's saved my ass quite a few times too." After a second of thought, Peter mumbled "a shit tonne of times actually." Peter was silent while rinsing off his hair, he didn't want to get soap in his mouth, again. While he started to put conditioner in his hair, Peter began talking again. “I mean, even though he is and asshole, he does have some good qualities! Like…” The hesitation in Peter’s monologue to think of an actual good quality in Wade wasn’t really helping his point, but to whom? “Like that one time!” He blurted out proudly. “Yes, he snuck in and made pancakes and tacos! A lot in fact I didn’t have to worry about dinner or lunch for weeks! And I think I still have some of those pancakes in the freezer…”
Peter smiled at the thought, then his smile faded when he remembered the rest of the story. “Then again, Wade did break my window while he snuck in. And it was when I was asleep..” Peter sighed and picked up his bar of soap to wash his body. “Still, he did it out of pure generosity.” With a nod to emphasize the last thought, Peter continued to tiredly wash his sore body. “At least he has some good qualities… But he’s still an asshole. Not to mention all of his bad qualities, like being a general nuisance in all, and god that talking to himself thing is the most annoying thing ever!” Peter exclaimed, rinsing himself off finally and turning off the water. It wasn’t until Peter was drying himself off with his towel that he realized it. “I’m talking to myself!” Peter cried, towel laying limp in his hands as he had yet to wrap the towel around his body to cover himself.
“Took you long enough to realize.” A second voice was heard, a familiar voice, the familiar voice of an asshole. The bodiless voice soon gained a body as Wade talked into the doorway, arms crossed and smug smile underneath his mask, “Hey there, Spider babe!”
Peter gave out a shriek, more girly than he expected. “God DAMN it Wade!” He yelled and threw his towel at the assassin in his bathroom
"What? I thought that giving my friendly neighborhood Spiderman a visit would be a good idea!" Wade mused, the little grin never fading from his mask face while he spoke.
"Not while I'm completely naked!" Peter cried his face red from anger but then a bigger and brighter blush creeped up to his face and shoulders when he realized he really was completely naked. The young man was bare and had thrown the only towel in Deadpool's face. "Give me that." Peter growled as he pulled off a towel from the mercenary’s face and turned around to put his back to said merc and wrap the towel around his waist.
As a man with (minimal) manners, Wade up his eyes up for as long as the average Deadpool could possibly do, but of course, he snuck a peek and god damn was he not let down. Wade knew that Spidey’s ass was damn perfect in the suit, but completely naked, it might as well have been Christmas.
"I know right?" to close mumbling I'm going to himself. Peter side and turned back around after securely time his towel around his waist still holding on to it for sure measure.
"So how much of that did you hear?" Said the brunette an unamused expression Riddled across his face.
"Deadpool is an asshole" Wade grinned underneath the mask again.
Peter sighed leant against the counter crossing his arms. “So everything?”
“Basically.”
Peter made a groan translating to ‘I give up.’ " Just let me put on some clothes."
Wade complied and moved out of the doorway to let Peter pass, then moved to sit on the couch while waiting for Peter, legs kicked up onto the coffee table. The masked man was still in his uniform, no duh. “How long is Peter going to take?” Wade mumbled to himself. “You’re twiddling your thumbs, Wade.” “I thought they only did that in fanfics and books!” “Well if the writer would make Peter hurry his ass up, I wouldn’t have to be twiddling my fingers.” Wade sounded slightly annoyed, looking up, but only to be met with the ceiling.
Peter emerged from his bedroom, a little confused expression on his face that Wade found quite adorable. “Wade, is there a reason as to why you’re talking to my ceiling?”
Wade looked back at Peter with a grin. “No, just threatening the author to make you hurry up, but I guess he got the message because now you’re here!”
To anyone else, Wade would sound like a total lunatic, which he was, but Peter was used to this kind of shit, even if he didn’t quite understand everything that Wade did. “Oh--Okay then.” Peter shook his head and leant against the couch. “So… you’re at my apartment why?” The brunet crossed his arms across his chest.
“Just dropping off--” Wade cut off his sentence. “J-uh.. uhm.. Just dropping by~” He grinned and looked up at Peter. But Peter wasn’t buying it. He narrowed his eyes and gave the other man a stern look, the kind Aunt May would give when peter got in trouble. Sooner, and easier than expected, Wade caved. “I’vebeenfunnelingmymoneyfrommyjobsintoyouraccountstohelpyoupayforyourtuitionandtheapartment.” Wade spoke in a rushed hurry, eyes closed of that like a child.
The crossed arms fell from Peter’’s chest and hung at his sides. “W… what?” even though he heard Wade, loud and not so much clear, that was all he could manage to say.
“Also, I’ve been dropping a few extra Twenties into the shoebox in the back of your closet.” the masked man confessed one last time, moving his head to look back up to Peter. “This can go two ways.” “Either he swoons immediately at our chivalry , or slaps us and calls us creeps.” But Wade didn’t reply to the boxes, he didn’t want to potentially get himself into more trouble.
But all Peter did was stare with his mouth agape. Wade looked so guilty, like the child who just threw the baseball though the front window. “I’m sorry..” Wade mumbled.
The younger male eventually sighed and smiled softly. “Would you like to go get some dinner? Pizza, it’s on me.”
“Make it tacos and we’ll call it a date!” Wade grinned and popped up off the couch with zeal.