#emo post is emo

[rockatanxy]

some thoughts:

- if i had gone back to school after my medical leave (aka for right now) i could’ve lived with dylan...

- if i had toughed it out in the first place dylan and i wouldn’t have had all those problems and we might be together still and not struggling

- i am the reason im so unhappy in my life and i dont know how to stop ruining everything for myself

[softieheartxo]

And all the manifestations of the mind were rough. Sharp. Maybe... jagged. Ready to reopen old wounds or new ones. This dark cloud seems to settle down on me with no warning.

And when I scream out “lord why have you forsaken me?” as if you were ever there in the first place, I feel even more empty. But I can hear that thin small voice at the back of the class whispering, “you’re bigger than this, you’ve got that goldmine you can call on, come up for air”. The human spirit. Some call it God’s presence, I think it’s more than that, or more than the wrathful, spiteful, biblical God, it’s not easy to describe. This is why words like God exist right?

Okay now is the time you call me the rambling man, the spiritual narcissist, but guess what? This is my life. Taking ownership of that is a revolution to me. I’ve been trying to live that truth one step at a time. It’s so hard. It’s been engrained in me since I was a child, “please others”. I wish I had it in me then to rebel. I was weak. It sickens me just thinking of it, “please others”. “Please God, please your teachers, please your mother, please your father, your friend, the man on the street who compliments you, your sexual partner” “do more for others” I’m sick of it. This is MY life. I’m the one making decisions now.

[thenervousbun]

Maybe I'm deep in thought because it's almost my birthday, but looking back at the past few years of my life it seems as if I've gotten lonelier and lonelier. In my teens and early 20s I had lots of friends...what happened? I know it's natural for people to grow apart as they age, but sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong or that I'm simply unlikeable.

[stardust-serenity]

It's not even midday and I feel like shit. It's pissing down with rain outside and cold and I honestly just wanna lay in bed all day and sulk about things I can't control...

[where-fading-princesses-live]

just feeling really sad now and like total shit

the world is a fucked up place

emo post is emo and i don't give a damn

[irrationalrage]

Man, I woke up in an awful mood. Lately I just feel like I shouldn't have ever moved here. My life is such a mess. I feel completely useless. I can't afford my rent or bills, can't find a better job. And it feels like half the time, the people that I care about only put up with me because they have to, or because they're stuck with me for one reason or another. I don't ever feel liked or wanted, just tolerated. Like I said, a mess. 

On top of my life being a mess, I'm at the fattest and ugliest that I've ever felt, and ugh. I hate feeling like nobody could ever want me. And like.. I don't even want a relationship, I just hate feeling like the only way people look at me is in disgust. 

So yeah. Brain's a mess. Apartment is a mess. Feelings are a mess. My everything needs a vacuum! 

Ok, sorry to word vomit, if you've actually read this. Off to work! -_-.