❝ I love you, will you marry me? ❞ lewis @ cam :)
「 meme | @reluctantseer 」
ITS AN AVERAGE DAY, at least as far as you’re aware. or more, it’s an average night. the sun has long set and the two of you are strolling the streets, not a care in the world, like everything’s normal. like you’re normal. the two of you know better, steer clear of churches and keep away from any place that has any chance of garlic. you don’t dare risk ruining this.
YOUR NIGHT HAD STARTED IN THE CEMETERY, your old grave now hidden amongst overgrown grass, surrounded by bodies that would never get the chance to see life once more. it had been something about closure, your big plan to leave the trauma behind. but that isn’t how trauma works, and it certainly isn’t so simple for you to rid yourself of pain. lou had put down flowers, pink carnations to represent remembrance and white carnations for pure love and innocence. perhaps less meaningful considering he’d bought them from your store earlier, but that’s just how things are. funny that at the time you hadn’t noticed him grab some red roses.
THE NIGHT IS COLD, but every second you spend together is full of warmth. love strong enough to brace the harshest weather, love strong enough to conquer death. you still remember it all, climbing out of that grave and wanting nothing but him. there was chaos when you found him, his disbelief at both your death and your life, but once he’d reluctantly made sense of it all things had so easily become more real. feelings once hidden were openly shared, contact once avoided now sought after. the two of you had always been an unstoppable force, but after you died your relationship only grew stronger.
YOU CANT PRETEND IT WAS ALL SMOOTH SAILING, there were countless stupid fights and long forgotten insults yelled in fear. those nights where you’d sit alone in your room, desperate to speak but knowing that he didn’t think the same, knowing that he was asleep without care. countless days where you’d hide in a room as dark as your mind while he was forced to deal with his demons in the sunlight. apologies rarely came in lengthy explanations, simply nights spent together in a bed with whispers about being together forever, about never being alone. you always believed it, and yet you never expected a real commitment.
YOU’RE AT THE PARK WHEN HE GETS ON ONE KNEE, the school where you’d met being the touching backdrop to the moment. somehow the place feels eerie now, far smaller than you’d ever believed yet somehow a giant pit of mysterious darkness. along the fence fairy lights twinkle like stars and the wind blows just enough for his hair to sweep the way you like it. roses from your store stare you in the face, an eyebrow raised as you resist the urge to tell him he stole those. it isn’t until he’s really down on one knee, really pulling the ring out, that the situation set in.
BUT OF COURSE THAT WAS WHAT WAS HAPPENING, the two of you had taken a stroll down memory lane in a way you never do. from your death to your high school to where it all began, the whole trip had led to this moment. tears begin to brim as he speaks, head shaking slightly in confusion. surely this isn’t happening? you’ve always dreamed of it, but you learned a long time ago that its only ever the nightmares that come true.
IT FEELS AS THOUGH YOUR HEART STOPS IN THE MOMENT, your brain ignoring the fact that it stopped a long time ago. he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and of course you want the same, but the thought that hits you puts a sudden halt to the excitement. "but you’re going to get old, and you’re going to die.“ and that is how it goes, and that’s something you want to share with him, but that’s something you’ll never know. "I want to spend forever with you, this is a yes.” spoken quickly as you take his hands, lowering to your knees yourself. "but it’s only a yes if you’re sure you want this. if you’re sure you’re okay with getting old while I stay like this, as long as you’re okay with there eventually being a whole world between us.“
AND THEN YOU HAVE ANOTHER THOUGHT. a worse thought. "unless..” something you’re sure you know the answer to, something that has come up more than once. "unless you want our forever, your forever, to really be… forever.“
