March 15,2016
How are you feeling?
A question I don’t get so often anymore. Because I never respond to it well. Lately I have been very closed off from telling people my business. I express how I feel on here because I barely know anyone on here, and not too many people come on here anymore. A lot of people seem to think that after a break up it takes about 3 months to heal. It’s been eight, and I’m still not all the way there. Not in the way that I still want to be with him. In the way that I didn’t realize how my relationship was until we broke up. It opened up my eyes to so many things. What I thought was the best relationship I have ever had with the best guy I had ever known, became a lie. The relationship was toxic at the end, and the guy turned into some one I didn’t know. But I mean, that happens right? You think you guys will always be friends and always be good, but in the end you end up hating each other. It’s sad how that happens in relationships.
I dated this guy in middle school for about 4 months, I broke up with him pretty badly, and we are still close friends to this day, he actually came up from where he lives for a birthday dinner with me.
He says he doesn’t count our relationship, but still uses our date for everything. I’m so blessed to be able to call him my friend. Why can’t all relationships end like that?
In relationships people don’t get that at one point you were friends and at one point you enjoyed that persons company. And I still feel that way about all of the boys I have dated.
But I don’t feel worthy of any of them, like they have every reason to hate me, even when I tried to be the best I could be. I feel like I am not good enough for love. I have so much love, but feel that I can’t be loved.
Hopefully this changes soon, because I love, love.