#emsshit

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

Emotionally overwhelmed by this HBO TLOU2 trailer. Fuuuuuck 🥹

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

And it serves me right, yeah I guess

For gladly volunteerin' for one good kick in my chest

It serves me right, yeah I guess, yeah

For pretendin' not to notice, I was settlin' for less

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

Anyone else coming out of that full moon in Pisces feeling every emotion they've ever had in their whole lives all at once? No? Just me? Mmm'kay. 🤦🏼

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

My divorce was finalized this morning. I'm suddenly faced with processing allll of my emotions from this past 10+ months. Talk about heavy.

Like, I'm ok. This is what I wanted and we were able to end this chapter amicably and agreeably. But, damn, I didn't realize how much I was holding inside. Oof.

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

🌙 ⏰ 👨‍👧‍👧

🌙-what time of day do you prefer to write? And why?

Generally, I'll write during the day. Mostly that's just because of my schedule and having to be up early. (I work afternoon shift, so it's harder to get much down when I'm on the clock these days)

⏰-do you spend more time reading fic? Writing fic? Or is it spent equally?

Once upon a time, I'd have said damned near equal, but lately I've been stalling on writing. I can be found reading fic quite a bit more as of late. (But I do have something currently in the works 👀)

👩‍👧‍👦-do you tell people irl that you write fic?

I do! I'm actually really proud of it. (I draw the line at them reading it though. 🤣)

Thanks, anon! Hope you're doing well! 🙂

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

Hi!! I hope you’re having a great Monday so far!! :) For the ask game—🤔 💻 💭

Hiii my friend!! I'm hanging in there, hope you are too!

🤔-the hardest part of writing fic?

I'm lol'ing at this... literally all of it? Why can't we just tip our heads over and spill it onto the "page"? All kidding aside, for me personally, I would say world building. Sometimes I struggle with details beyond what I've already got planned in my head. I tend to lean into dialogue a bit more than the space around the interactions. Idk if that makes any sense to anyone but me ? 🙃

💻-do you do research? And what's the deepest dive?

I generally do research, yes. Especially if there's something I'm writing about that I may not be very knowledgeable on. Or even just to fact check myself. The last deep dive I did was in regards to how far flares travel once they're ejected. (For my stuck in the trunk one-shot for this year's Dellie-bration) Thanks YouTube! LOL

💭-what is a head cannon I have for my work(s)?

I will always hc that Dina calls Ellie "handsome", and they both eat it up with a knife and fork. 😆

Thanks for this, dude!! 😁

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

Hehe how bout 😈, 🌈,📚

😈-is there anything I enjoy doing that I think my readers hate?

Hmm....I mean, besides taking a really long time between updates/posting new works...I don't think so? 🤷🏼 (Not that anyone has mentioned to me at least lol)

🌈-what inspired me to write (insert fic)?

Honestly, everything I've ever written has just been a blip in my brain that I had to flesh out. Sometimes things will be inspired by experiences I've had/wanted to have, or people that I know, or just random shower thoughts. I've wanted to write since I was very young, but never knew what that might end up being, or what my muse would be. TLOU/TLOU2/Dellie fanfiction seems pretty great to me. 🙌🏼

📚-do you read your own fic?

Besides re-reading a WIP 5 gazillion times before I post it, yes! I randomly re-read my stuff when the mood strikes. Sometimes, for no other reason than to remember where I've come from. To see my personal progress. It's very humbling sometimes.

Thanks so much my friend!! 😎

[callmekittenandyourmajesty]

*This is my personal blog, so I'm about to drop some personal shit. Don't like it, scroll on by.* You've been warned.

TL;DR: I'm coming out of a shitty breakup that had me in a really bad place. But I'm back, fuckers.

PSA: Do not shit where you eat. Just do yourself that favor. Be careful dating another fanfic writer. There's a distinct chance you're stepping into someone else's fairytale.

The dumpster fire that is my life has finally burned itself most of the way down, I'm sorta just raking at the coals at this point. Thank God, cuz it's been a doozy.

I recently got out of a toxic long distance relationship. And my first relationship with a dismissive avoidant. Most painful shit I've ever experienced, once that honeymoon stage ended. 0/10, do not recommend.

I failed to recognize the trauma bonds. The love bombing. The false promises. I did most of the traveling to and from for them. We met each other's parents. I accepted custom jewelry and a marriage proposal from someone who still has yet to take a single step towards getting divorced. Mine will be finalized next week. I was in the process of rearranging my entire life to move to be with them (because that worked better for them). I was prepared to navigate my relationship with my son, which would've then put him 200+ miles away.

Y'all, we write fiction. Our shared hobby is making shit up. For fun.

I ended up being a background character in my own relationship while my partner was living two whole ass lives. And when I finally realized it, too late, it destroyed me.

They were continuing to be very much involved in their marriage, continuing to tell their spouse that they loved them. Plans for us were always being rearranged to spend time with that spouse and their kids. I once was left alone in a nice hotel room I paid for for 3 hours for them to spend time with their “family”. Or, another time, when they apologized to their spouse for cheating via text while I sat across from them. Talk about being played.

I missed the red flags. Especially the dismissive avoidant flags. You know the ones. Where you continuously ask for them to communicate and be vulnerable with you, and they refuse. Those ones.

Where they stare at you with dead eyes, emotionless, while you sob your heart out to them. Give you the ‘ol, “I don't know what I want.” line. The, “I love you, but..”. saying. They may have intended on committing to you, but it's too real for them when they can't control you or the situation anymore. When you begin to see through their ruse. When they start to lose their independence. They want “space” with little to no explanation. When you start asking questions, or asking for them to be present, to clarify expectations, it's definitely over. You no longer fit the role of the character they want you to play.

They'll make you feel legitimately insane. Probably make you act crazy too. Say some gnarly shit to them that you might not have known you could say. If you're one of the lucky ones, you might get a half assed, self deprecating apology from them. Then they'll gaslight and guilt you into apologizing to *them*. You, honest to God, will feel like you've lost your mind.

But the best part is when you've finally had enough, they'll make you look like a fool to your families, friends, and mutuals. They'll tell half truths and guide their narrative. (They're a writer, remember?)

There's also a chance they might not even acknowledge any of it. Just go on about their life like you're not over here dead inside because of them, like it never even happened. Abandon the WiP, so to speak. It's a coin toss.

They'll finish you off with just enough engagement, and then completely ghost you. Full no contact, blocking, deleting. They'll even go so far as to block you from their written online works. You won't ever get an ounce of closure, no apologies, no acknowledgement of fault or miscommunication. Nothing. They certainly aren't going to check to make sure you're alright. They do not care. They used you and got what they wanted. They showed you what they thought of your worth and value. At the end of the day, you were just a chapter in their story. Medium burn. Angst. All hurt, no comfort.

You'll be left to pick up the pieces and do your damnedest to navigate the mental and emotional abuse that you suffered, all the lies and omissions. You'll dodge the panic attacks and self loathing. And you'll attempt to heal. It's going to be a bitch, and you'll have some false starts, your mind trying to travel back to the good times. But you'll get there. You have to. They fumbled, not you. But you will have to extend a bit of gratitude to them– they've helped you learn a hella important lesson. Now you can set your boundaries and expectations and adjust your red flag radar.

You'll tell yourself, “I've got this”, as many times as it takes. And one day, it'll stick and you'll be able to finish the epilogue yourself.

*not one bit of this is to gain sympathy or smear another person. This is my own personal story and I'm entitled to share it however I choose. This is all a significant part of my healing journey. Writing is my self care outlet and it's mad cathartic for me.