#emyg

[wouldyousingalong]

icecreamcrisis said: EMYG IS AT UNT

I KNOW. :D WE'VE ALREADY MESSAGED EACH OTHER ABOUT IT. SHE ACTUALLY LIVES REALLY CLOSE TO MY DORM.

[neenybeenie-blog]

emyg

dear  emyg

I know you dont like people who drink and you dont like being around people who drink

unfortunately i am writing this letter to you, while drunk

I hope you will still be my friend

ok here starts the letter

pirate style.

if you said

"i will only be friends with people who don't drink" then I would stop drinking

because you dont like people who drink, does that mean you dont like me?

tonight I went to a party and I told myself that I could get a small amount drunk

but I accidentally got a large amount

I was drinking and I said "I dont feel anything! I have to drink more!" and all of a sudden, later, I felt EVERYTHING

my friend tried to hook me up with this guy and it was going to happen, but I said no

see? you keep saying that if I want it I could totally make it happen, and it totally could have happened, but I said no

I said no

because when he kissed me I didn't feel anything, no happy, just tongue.

people say that when you kiss people, you feel something, like happy, or good feelings on the inside

all I felt was tongue

so I said no, and then I went home, and here I am. talking to you, emyg, 19 year old to my 21 year old. because youve got a wisdom I dont got.

see I think that maybe, MAYBE if I were sober, I might have felt something, but I cant ever be sure. and i;m so glad that you are my friend. because you will understand. you will understand, right? that my stomach hurts and i'm sorry because i know you dont like drunk people, so you dont like me. but somehow you still do.

?

I could have said yes. I did not say yes. he was so nice about it, a gentleman is what some would call him, and I said no, and I feel guilty. doesnt society say that's part of rape culture? that I feel bad for saying no? well I did, and I guess I should be proud of that. but instead, I just feel drunk. 

you are a good friend. I have other good friends too, but you are definitely a good friend. and you are younger than me. and I think I still look to you for approval. that's why i'm worried you wont like me, because im drunk.

i'm on meds, you know that. and I think my meds interfere with alcohol. because i'm pretty positive im not supposed to drink while on them.

they make me hate myself. i thought hating yourself was a normal part of drinking, until rachel told me it's not. know i know it's probably because of the medicine. a lot of times i wake up in the night and think, "I probably dont deserve to be alive"

you dont like bad words, right? does that mean you dont like me? because i say them.

  SOMETHING IMPORTANT is that I AM SORRY because whenever I get drunk, I apologize WAYYYY more than is necessary! And I know that is annoying!!!!!!

  See,  I wasn't drunk, so I drank more, but then ALLLLLL of it caught up to me

I'm so sorry

maybe someday you will decide that being my friend is probably worth all this

maybe 

maybe

I could have had this guy but I said no

because I didn't want to 

because when he kissed me I didnt feel anything

and I still smell like him.

        if I were sober I bet what I've just written would have come out as the most beautiful tragedy

or self absorbed bullshit

probably bullshit

i'm afraid i'll be forever alone, because i'm probably, like, mostly heterosexual in theory, but asexual in practice

that would suck 

and since that would suck, it's probably true.

              hope you're still friends with me after this,

  --ems

[troybee]

emyg replied to your post: Applied and Denied for my first job in Portland.

Good luck! You can do it! Other cheesy phrases!

If anything will convince me to try harder it will be things like this.

Maybe the best way to get a job isn't to apply for one at a time...

Also don't be a young person looking for a job in Portland.