wc: 1.1k, tags: angst (sorta), mcd (but it’s happy?), how tf do i describe this, enby!jack though :)
It had become a tradition of sorts. A way to keep the memory alive. They tried to do it every year, but that didn’t always work out. Still, when it did happen, it was always beautiful. Loud, boisterous, tragic, drunken, but beautiful.
It had been Donna’s idea. What better way to remember the Winchesters than this? Jody had gone along with it, and soon their banquet was the largest gathering of hunters America had ever seen.
Jody liked to picture their reaction to it.
Jack, of course, would love it. Their eyes would light up as they looked around, drinking in everything. They’d love the abundant food and drink, love the laughter. They’d love the late night bonfire where things got a little quieter, more somber. They would let it wash over them, experiencing it fully, just like they did with everything in life.
Cas would probably be confused. Wonder why anyone wanted to remember him. He would insist that all the festivities, all the memories, be centered on Sam and Dean, maybe Jack. He’d never liked being the center of attention. But Jody thought he would appreciate it too. Would smile. Because he’d made a difference in this world, and there was no way in hell she was letting him forget that.
Sam would probably laugh, but tear up a little. He’d roll his eyes at the excess of beer and whiskey, frown at the kids who were there, wishing they could escape the life. But overall, he’d probably look into the mass of flannel and just laugh. Because here was their legacy, so many years later. What they’d done, what they’d sacrificed getting rid of Chuck, it had been worth it. And their friends knew it.
Dean was a bit of a wildcard. Jody knew him well, really well, but she’d never been quite able to get a read on him. He kept everything so close to his chest, so close to his heart, that figuring him out took guts. He’d trusted her with a lot, though. Some things that he didn’t even tell Sam. And she liked to think he would appreciate this. Would appreciate the world going on without them. But more would appreciate that people still remembered them, still saw what they’d done.
And that’s what she tried to picture every year as she and Donna dealt with the overwhelming logistics of getting 50+ hunters in the same place. She saw their faces, pictured the world without them, and dealt with all the damn bureaucracy.
This year the banquet was on the 10th anniversary of the Winchesters death. It was poetic in the cruelest way that they all died together. Cas, taken by the Empty just hours before the final showdown because… well she didn’t like to think about that. He and Dean could have been so happy together. And Sam and Dean had refused to let Jack die alone. They knew that them dying was the only way, and as much as they wanted to save their kid, they couldn’t. So they went with them.
Ten years later, and the world was so much better for it. For the sacrifice they’d made.
They were gathered at an old ranch in Minnesota--Donna’s grandfather had owned it--and it was well below freezing outside. None of them moved as they huddled around the fire though, smoke billowing above them.
They’d told hours worth of stories.
Claire had talked about the stuffed animal Cas had gotten her. She’d even passed it around the circle. It was a little faded now and the ears were starting to fall off, but it still made her smile. When it’d come back around to her, Kaia had taken it and softly smoothed it’s fur before tucking it back into the bag and slipping her cold hand into Claire’s. She knew her wife would never admit it, but sharing that with everyone else had taken courage. She never really talked about Cas outside these gatherings.
Garth had talked about hunting the shōjō with the Winchesters. He had stood up and acted out their drunken stumbling, causing laughter to ring out in the silent night. When he’d sat down, he’d gone quiet. But no one else spoke, just waited breathlessly for him to continue. He had looked at Beth, taken a deep breath and a swig of beer, and shook his head before softly muttering that he missed them.
The mood had gotten heavier after that, stories being spoken in whispers to avoid disturbing the stars. Everyone had something, even if they’d never met the boys or Cas and Jack. They’d all heard the legendary tales, some exaggerated and some not even close to the insanity of the reality in which they’d lived.
And then after a while, everyone went quiet. No one knew who was the last to speak, but the silence settled over them like a blanket.
They just sat, staring into the dying embers, shivering as a slight wind picked up, and remembered the family that had defied all odds and saved the world over and over and over.
They remembered Lucifer’s child that had grown to be so much more than that. Had grown into immense power and handled it all with the humility of a saint.
They remembered the angel who’d fallen in every way imaginable. Who’d fallen from grace, fallen to Earth, fallen in love. Who’d chosen free will over the will of God.
They remembered the hunter who just wanted out. Who wanted to become a lawyer. They remembered his undying thirst for knowledge, his righteous anger, his unending compassion for those around him.
They remembered the hunter who’d done everything for family. Who was smarter than he thought he was. Who had devoted his whole life to caring for his younger brother.
And as the fire faded completely, a strange sort of peace settled over the group. They trickled off one by one, murmuring hushed goodnights, and headed back to the warmth of the house in the distance.
When they’d all gone, Jody stayed behind to make sure the fire went out. Donna offered to keep her company of course, but she just shrugged and smiled softly.
The glow of the embers was soft, but in the darkness of the open air, they stood out starkly. She watched them for a while, watched their ebb and flow, and before she knew it, tears were tracking down her frosty cheeks. She wiped them away and looked away from the smoke stinging her eyes to the stars.
She didn’t know where the Winchesters were. Well, Cas was in the Empty… but none of their relationships with death had ever been able to be described as normal. She hoped they’d found some semblance of peace.
The world had been darker without them. Harder to live in. But she’d kept going, she had to. They’d made this worthless rock floating in space mean something when they died for it. So no matter how much she missed them, how much it hurt, she struggled through. If only to keep their memories alive.
Because the Winchesters? They were heroes, all four of them.
Okay so I might have been exploring some fluffy HC about transnatural in general and, well here. For your considerations:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was just another run of the mill case, in some kind of off College town in the middle of nowhere but it was a case none the less. Jack and Sam broke off from the group to go check out the local college library for some archive research as Cas and Dean went to go get them a few motel rooms for the next few days. Sam is looking through old microfiche for records not accessible on line when Jack comes quickly over to him, almost tripping on his mostly untied (no longer plain white) converse. “Woah there Jack.”
“Sam... what is gender studies?” The question is so innocent and so out of place that it takes Sam a full thirty seconds to reboot his brain and try to answer it. Where had Jack heard the term? They were in a college library, “there was a group over there studying and one of the guys was complaining about gender studies and how he didn’t understand how it all broke down.”
With a slow nod and a deep breath Sam tried to pull a good explanation up from his Stanford days. “Well, Gender studies covers a spectrum of studies into gender representation and identity. There are different sections usually: Woman’s studies, Men’s studies, and Queer studies.” It was a pretty basic explanation and Sam could clearly see the next sixteen questions in Jack’s eyes so he tried to circumvent that a little bit. “I am sure there is a book around here that explains it a little better. Lets see if we can’t find one?”
When Jack nodded Sam guided him over to a computer to look up where in this library Gender Studies books would be housed. “Alright there are a few text books here that could give you an overview.” Making a mental note of their location Sam finds the section and plucks a text book that looks like last years version off the shelf and hands it to Jack. “Maybe you can read up a little bit as I look through the old records?” A beaming smile leaves the kids face as Sam heads back to where he was before, Jack floating behind him lost in the book takes a seat and pulls out a little notebook and pen from his pocket to jot down something.
With that conversation slightly averted, Sam goes back to looking into some of the odd deaths in the town and how far back they go. An hour in and he gets a message from Dean with an address in town where they are all staying and a second or two later from Cas: We are going to get food Sam. Dean asks if you need ‘Rabbit Food’? Sam huffs out a quiet laugh and responds to Cas with a no before switching to old school files. A quick glance up shows that Jack is sitting there in his seat reading away with a scrunched expression on his face and jotting down little notes in that notepad of his.
Another few hours goes by and its about time for the library to close for the evening so Sam cleans up his bits of mess and thanks the librarian for putting up with him and his inquiries. Jack it seems has gotten through a vast majority of the book and he has leaned back in his heat with his arms crossed. “I am guessing you learned a lot?” Sam asks quietly as he approaches the kid in question.
“Yeah. You could say that.... I have a lot to think about I think...” These words were gifted with a softer shy smile as the book got closed and set down on the table. “Plenty of questions...” Pulling out his cellphone he begins texting away to someone, probably Cas or Claire, so Sam drops the book off at the returns desk and shows Jack out and down to the sidewalk where Dean stood next to the Impala talking on the phone. With a wave and a hello, Jack slid into the back seat of the Impala and left Sam and Dean to talk a little about the case.
Once Dean hung up the phone he asked Sam how the research had gone. “So far all signs point to a simple salt and burn, but there seems to be multiples. I think there are more than one spirit around causing the mess.” Sam slid into the passenger seat and waited for Dean to start the car and pull away before speaking again. “Get anything from the locals?” Dean goes on for a little about what the few townsfolk he got to speak to had told them, but there wasn’t too much.
Dean pulled them up to what looked like a small house and Sam raised an eyebrow. “Look, Claire told me about this app where people rent out their houses or apartments if there is no one in them for pretty cheap week rates. Its better than a crummy motel, and they don’t look too hard at the credit side of things. Plus its a real bed and working kitchen. Cas has been helping prep stuff for dinner since I left. Come on.” Dean got out and let them into the house. It was a quaint little thing, and sure enough Castiel stood in the kitchen peeling potatoes with a navy blue apron on.
“Where is everyone sleeping?” Sam asked the obvious question, of course and Dean showed Sam to a guest room upstairs where his duffel and computer already sat on the end. A quick tour was given to show Sam the bathroom upstairs where he could get a shower and Dean left Sam to be alone. The there were two other doors in the hall, one of which was the Master Bedroom where Dean’s stuff sat and Cas’ small bag was on the floor. The angel still didn’t sleep, but would more than likely spend time with Jack late at night. The only other room was another small guest room with Jack’s bag on the edge.
A quick shower before dinner was in order, so Sam took care of that as he heard his brother and Cas argue with each other downstairs. Jack found his way upstairs and into the room that would be his and pulled out an empty composition book that he had picked up in the last town’s Walmart. There were a million thoughts running through his head and he needed to get some of them on paper before he forgot. Before he headed back downstairs he removed his shoes and slipped out of his jacket and switched into something much more comfortable. A pair of flannel blue plaid pj pants and a loose grey t shirt was the outfit of comfort today.
Downstairs Castiel and Dean were outside sitting on the patio furniture as dinner cooked in the oven so Jack stepped out onto the back patio to sit with them. Cas slid a glass of lemonade over to Jack as he sat down with his notebooks and pen. “Did research go well Jack?”
“Oh, I did not do much research on the case at the library. I ran into an other field of study kind of on accident and wanted to look into it. Sam said it was okay, and he found me a book that gave me lots more questions than answers.” Jack shrugged a little and flipped through a few of the first pages of his smaller notebook where he wrote questions and rather cramped answers. “I should take a larger notebook to the library next time. This was not sufficient in taking all the notes I wanted.”
“What was it you were looking into Jack?” Castiel of course asked as Dean’s timer went off to put on the potatoes. Dean grumbled as he stood and stretched his back on his way into the kitchen and Jack blurted out that he was looking into gender and the rough rundown Sam had given him earlier. “Why was that something that caught your attention Jack?”
“Well... I know that you are indifferent to sexual orientation as an angel, but its rather important to humans... and I am half of both. It was just curiosity at first, but the more I was reading the more questions I had about them. There are so many.” Jack shook his head and slid the small notebook over to Cas who flipped through it with a tilted head and a critical eye, noting that some pages were filled front and back with questions. “I knew I was different because of being both, but I think its more than that.”
Castiel’s eyes searched Jacks face for a moment, seeing the worry and nervousness there. “What do you mean Jack?” As an Angel of the Lord, Cas was very familiar with keeping his cool in the face of the unknown. Normally, but this was Jack and right now more than anything he wanted to hug the boy.
“I think I am non-binary.” The words were so soft and mumbled so low the Angel almost missed it, but his superior hearing saved him. Jack squirmed uncomfortably in his seat as Cas struggled through his knowledge to note exactly what Jack was saying. The term he was familiar with but he wasn’t quite sure what that meant for Jack exactly.
The question must have been on his face because he heard Dean ask the question out loud. “That’s okay Jack, what does that mean for us?” Dean had come back out onto the porch and heard what was said, and he put a reassuring hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Would you still like us to call you Jack? Or switch it up?”
Dean squeezed the kid’s shoulder and it was enough to get jack to crack one of those sunny smiles. “I think I want to keep Jack. It was the name my mother gave me, and I think it still fits. But... I think that I would like he/they pronouns... please? If that’s not too much trouble.” A flood of relief slammed into Jack as he looked up at Dean and the older man looked back at him with an expression that he couldn’t quite place.
“Of course kid, shouldn’t be too much of a problem. You just let us know if we need to change that at any time okay?” Dean let go of Jack’s shoulder and gave him an affectionate slap on the shoulder as Sam came outside fresh in lounge pants and a green shirt. “Who is ready for some roast? Potatoes should be done shortly.” Dean stepped back and headed into the kitchen only to call out, “If there is half angel who wants to help smash these potatoes, they better get their buts in here before the fun is over.” An impish sort of grin crossed Jack’s face as he rushed into the kitchen and began to make a quiet racket in the kitchen with Dean, leaving a confused Sam looking around at the patio furniture.
“Jack was telling us about his reading of the gender studies book and how he believes he is non-binary. Dean is taking that very well, and I know how little he likes change.” Castiel’s words cut through the confusion on Sam’s face for a moment as he swallows and sits down in the spot Jack had previously vacated. Sam’s lips were still formed into an O as Cas flipped through the notebook again and this time took a little more time to read through Jack’s scrawl. Awkwardly Sam coughed and disappeared into the kitchen to grab plates and things for dinner leaving the angel to muse into the notes. There were many questions in Castiel’s mind now... perhaps after dinner.
