I did make an attempt to see a primary care doctor, I really did. This lady...she spent the entire time talking to me about my weight. She had the entire list of health problems I have, and just said they’re all caused because I’m overweight. She wants me to exercise an hour a day. I told her I’m too tired and sore each day to even bother eating or drinking, but nope, its all cause I’m fat.
I wasn’t overweight when I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I wasn’t overweight when puberty hit, and most likely that was the start of my PCOS nightmare. My pain is not limited to areas that hold the most weight. And don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of this is my own making, my own bad food decisions. I know this, and I know that I could have done so many things differently. But I also know that it isn’t all my decisions.
Today I got diagnosed with a generic cold, basically. Just generic headache and sore throat causing a mild fever. I went to a clinic because I didn’t want to see that doctor. I won’t be going back to her.
The reason I was searching for a primary care doctor is a fear I might have developed Lupus. I have this odd pink pattern on my face that matches the “butterfly rash” just not in severity. It really just looks like a slight sunburn that hasn’t left in over two years. Usually extra foundation or concealer keeps it pretty covered for most of the day. I also hurt...everywhere. My joints protest every morning when I get up and move around. Work is getting harder and harder every day as I find it just hurts to keep running around like I do. Being on bar for long periods of time just kills me. The back of my neck has always been a sensitive spot for me, it always just has this burning pain at the base of my neck. The chiropractor helps a bit, it its usually just there, lingering.
My muscles ache. They hurt like I’ve been doing heavy exercise and all I’m doing is walking or sitting. I am in a constant state of feeling unwell and just tired. I am always tired. How’s Sandy today? Tired. Just go with tired. I can sleep fucking 12 hours or 2 and feel the exact level of rested: none at all. As soon as I start moving the fatigue kicks me down and I feel like I’m literally dragging my body around.
Not to mention the god damn joint popping. My jaw is the absolute worst about this, and has been bad since high school. It just pops, like its coming out of place, hurts, but it works normally. I have carpal tunnel in both wrists, but they just hurt. They hurt to do the things I love so I have stopped. My knees and ankles always feel like they’re about to give out at any given second. Though, to be fair, I’m about 98% sure I sprained my left ankle and I’m just kinda ignoring it right now. My hips, oddly enough, don’t usually hurt that much. That pain is reserved for this god damn cyst that’s been around since last fucking October.
I have a friend who thinks it might be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia. With my history of depression, she feels those make more sense. I told that primary care doctor this. I told her I woke up one day thinking I’m too young for arthritis, something is wrong. She said its most likely arthritis, at 27, instead of something else, all because of my weight. There is a 1 in 714 chance of someone my age having arthritis. That’s 0.1401% chance right there. Lupus and Fibromyalgia are both OFTEN diagnosed in someone my age. Chronic fatigue not as much, but more common than arthritis.
Right now I am tired. I’m sitting here, typing this rant because the aches and pains are more irritating than usual after being diagnosed with this damn cold. I was paranoid that since I’m a mosquito magnet that my dumbass self would have West Nile (oddly enough, one of the more common mosquito borne illnesses where I live). The red spots on my throat made me concerned it was a mild form of Strep, which my bf cannot have again unless he wants surgery. I’ve had Strep four times, and all those times I had white spots on my throat, but apparently it can start out as red. And since I work around food and drinks, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t in need of being on antibiotics.
I’m tired. I need help. I can’t keep living like this, with all of this pain on top of the already irritating pain of PCOS. At least the Depo shot has taken away 95% of the Endo pain. It still hurts when it tries to have a period, or when it succeeds and has two fucking periods in a month, but I’d like to believe that’s normal.
Anyone out there have any advice? I feel guilty doctor shopping, or like I’m paranoid and looking for more problems where there might not be any. It just feels like its a different problem, ore of a problem, than the usual symptoms I have every day. I’m lost and I’m scared and god do I feel alone.
