An Aspiring Something

Life is weird sometimes, so let's slow down, read some books, write some poems, and perform some plays. 

[dittums]

Rachel,

Rachel, you pick up lactose products like your bum-hole is the ironman. But we all know it’s not. Please wear pantie liners. #piccoloapp.

[dittums]

Writing Tips

- from experience, as I experience them. 

I’m allowed days off.  500 words a day.  The first twenty words are the hardest but there’s no shortcut.  Writing the first draft is supposed to make you cringe when you thnk of the second draft. (oh, fuck, I’m gonna have to go back and change so much). 

[dittums]

Writing is an exercise of endurance.

I used to run long-distance as a kid. I hated it. But dad loved it and so every Saturday we’d put on silly shorts and running bibs and hide them under our many heavy layers. I don’t know who decided cross-country running was a winter sport.  We’d sit around bored with our running friends. Watching as people collapsed over the finish line and refused to talk through their red puffing face for the next thirty minutes.  When it was our turn, we’d strip and curse the winter chill feeling incredibly uninspired. Then we’d run, and keeping running, mind-numbingly bored for fifteen-thirty--sixty minutes, and afterwards we’d join our collapsed friends on the ground remembering how to breath.  ‘See you again next weekend!’

Writing is similar, I think.  It’s horrendously painful at times. I feel under-prepared, uncomfortable and under-talented. I spend far too long thinking. It can be so lonely. 

Except some days you realise through your dazed mind-numbing experience that you’ve accomplished something great. Maybe you won’t realise it every time, but it’s enough that you keep showing up...

Just in case.

[dittums]

Endometriosis

Your pronunciation sounds so gentle, like a butterfly that’s gotten lost on a sea breeze. I can’t help but think it was designed that way. To sound less ferocious than you really are. To insist that I ignore the pain as you gently invade your way up into my body.

I imagine you like black fairy floss. Bearably edgy until you solidify and crystallise around my spine. 

I feel you like a thousand unconsensual hugs. I don’t know how many times I can politely ask you to stop.

You are the tsunami. I am the butterfly. 

I am hurting. Please stop. 

[dittums]

I confess it, I skip pages.

Scenery bores me.  Tell me the position of the sun, only if I’m running out of time.  Tell me the ground is rocky, only if I’m going to injure myself on it later. Tell me there are green hills around, only if I’ve made it out of the snow alive. 

[dittums]

Romance and writer’s block.

I’m trying to write a great love that I’ve never experienced. A healthy love.

I’ve never been so jealous.

[dittums]

The scenes in my head.

Writing is so hard. I see the scene in my head so clearly. When I try writing it, it comes out all wrong. I end up playing out the next scene in my head, and the next one, and sometimes it seems it’d be better to stay in my head where it’s safe forever. 

[dittums]

Conditional love. I vote yes.

Unconditional love doesn’t work for me, I have conditions. Treat me as an equal.  One where I can stand up for myself, without fear. One where I can be myself, without a demand to be different.

[dittums]

Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger. 7.6/10. I found this writing style so beautiful. I wish Holden's character could've matched this, but save for a few life philosophies and his love for Phoebe, he was just plain unlikable. Being troubled isn't a good enough excuse to act out in my opinion. It is a nice take on how some people experience grief though, I do get that and can appreciate the truth in that.   

[dittums]

All I Want Is To Create Art...

All I want is to create art. Smart art, that makes its mark on the popularity charts and touches people’s hearts. The kind that sparks a commonality of thought that ought to jumpstart a social campaign or set people’s differences apart. My art will entertain, get on your brain and energize your veins. It’ll drain the pain from our societal chains. Remove the migraines from the public domain and shed light on insane political reins. My art will take the strain off minority terrain and create change.

And I’ll even get paid.

That’ll be the day.

[dittums]

The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger. 9.3/10 Be still my warm, fluttering heart. This wonderful story will always fulfill my romantic requirements, and the creativity and imagination involved will never fail to inspire.

[dittums]

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson. 4.6/10. The plot was structurally wonky. Honestly, who’s story is this? The end chapters really had me lifting a quizzical eyebrow. For a representation of good and evil, Jekyll was by no means “good”, just obsessed. In modern times, Mr Hyde would also be considered rather tame for an “evil” character, but that might just be how openly we talk about wrong-doings in present times. The novel gets points for becoming a common-knowledge concept since 1886 though. A huge bravo on that account.

[dittums]

Thelma Plum

[dittums]

[dittums]

We just kind of accepted that we were friends and left it at that.

[dittums]

[dittums]