The space all around is glittering darkness. A little speck of light drifts through the open nothing.
Thoughts pass through the consciousness of this little light source.
‘This is strange’ The little light thinks as it floats, seemingly without agency or control, not that this is a problem of course. Even if she could move intentionally where would she go? ‘It’s odd’ The thoughts ponder on ‘That despite there being nothing here and no one it’s not a scary place at all. In fact it is immensely beautiful and peaceful just floating along.
The light quickly learns that though she cannot seem to move through space in any direction she can still change her own shape and play games with her light rays. Free floating like this is incredible to experience like having nothing to give you pause or worry, like being totally free. The little light lets the many tendrils of brightness float far, like many octopus arms feeling outward in an unknown environment. Then a few more tendrils of lights and they all started to sway gently as the light began to dance slowly.
It felt like a lifetime that emerges now in the memory of being a fish and seeing the way blood moves and swirls when released into water, or similar to another memory of being a human child watching wisps of smoke in fascination as they curled and shifted magically through the air.
The light caught herself up in a bind of thought ‘That’s not right is it?’ The thoughts argued as she spun gently turning over her light and thought seemingly in the same movement ‘If I have been a fish, a human, and now a light, then what does that make me?’
She dove, spreading and blazing brightly, as she examined her own thoughts ‘Lets see I remember being human many times’ As she zipped through lifetimes she noticed she flashed an ever so slightly different shade of marvellous colour.
She remembered the deep calm spiky red colour that was present in her life as a huge man who had physically wrestled a wild bore and won.
She remembered a light pinkish round purple colour as she was a thin scrawny man on a hunger strike to protest the wrong doings of the kingdom, only a handful of others had the courage to stand with her.
She remembered being a short plump woman making breakfast for her kids as her husband kissed her sweetly on the back of the neck, the colour was a deep humming pink that radiated from her centre and blazed with an intense brightness.
The little light remembered being other things, like a ferret with its quick heart racing as it dashed through the underbrush, a squirrel as it scampered up a tree, a bear as it lay down to hibernate for the winter. She even had vague memories of being a plant swaying in a summer breeze.
‘What is this all about’ She wondered. Just then the glittering darkness produced its first sign of something. A tiny speck of light came into existence. It was very far away but nonetheless it was something. Excitement buzzed through her and the edges of her light fuzzed and hummed as it illumined bright, demonstrating her eagerness to meet something other than herself. She wondered for a moment how she would move toward it until she realised she already was, somehow focusing her attention on it was moving her toward it. In all her excitement she discovered she could make sound. Overjoyed she sang a loud high pitched ringing coming from somewhere within her and echoing out into the shining blackness. She happily let loose all the different sounds she could make. She found she could make all sorts of whistling and waving tones. Since she was nowhere near any objects she had thought the sound would disappear but amazingly every sound was not only heard but in fact seemed to take on a life of its own, echoing back and fourth through the space like a beautiful symphony. As she was singing and sailing through space suddenly the little light source she was heading towards disappeared. Before she had time to wonder about this the light came back on. Thinking this was something the other light was doing she wondered if it was possible for her to do the same.
Just then a dark feeling came over her, like standing in the shadow of a large intimidating castle guard as he sneered down at her. He didn’t care about her hunger strike or any of the pain on innocent lives being inflicted by his king. She immediately stopped making sounds and her light dimmed dangerously low. Her colour changed to a sickly yellow red and waves of fear rippled threateningly through the air.
She remembered being sick and tired due to lack of food as the guard reached down and simply lifted her hunger stricken body off the floor “You lying scum” He grinned toothlessly as he held her up to his rancid smelling mouth “You sold out that poor family”
She frowned as she tried to keep reality and her memories seperate, she was pretty sure this wasn’t the real memory. The guard had simply picked her up and tossed her into a ditch, so why was she remembering talking now?
The guards grin widened and immediately a flood of memories poured through her of being a banker. She had been crying a lot because she had signed off on some repossessing papers for the Shmidd family home. She new that the husband had recently died leaving Mrs Shmidd alone with 4 kids and apparently no friends or family to help. Three of the kids were under ten years old at the time of the repossession. Roughly a year later Mrs Shmidd had taken her own life leaving the children to an orphanage. She’d tried to make up for her horrendous act by visiting the kids from time to time and bringing gifts but she never struck up the courage to tell them what she did and she never forgave herself. She died alone in her flat at age 50, the cause was heart failure.
The castle guard broke into guttural laughter as the little light felt her heart breaking all over again. The very real and visceral pain stung her to her core and her light dimmed even more.
She could see that it wasn’t that the other light source from a moment ago had turned on and off, she now realised that if her light went out it would not just be death but something much much worse. The reason the light had blinked on and off a moment ago was because it had been temporarily blocked by a huge dark mass that had drifted in between her and the other light source.
“What are you?” She whispered feeling an intense lack of energy or life force and a lot of fear.
The dark shape moved closer to her so she could see and a feeling of horror crawled over her being. She was looking at swirling black chaos as it formed into the shape of the boar she killed, then to the castle guard who beat her, to the fisherman who pulled her out of the water and bludgeoned her to death, and of course the twisted and tourtured faces of those four kids who never stood a chance in life.
“I’m so sorry” She barely managed over the splitting pain that was wrenching at her centre “What do you want?” She pleaded “I’ll do anything”
Suddenly a thought came to her ‘Go back’. Maybe if she lived her next life saintly enough it would balance out the wrong she had done “I’ll go back” She offered desperately. As she said it one of her light tendrils broke away and was immediately consumed by the swirling dark mass.
The little light felt the creature reach out, it slowly penetrated her light reaching for her centre, at the same time this crushing feeling of despair set in.
Just then like a thunderbolt there was a flash so brilliantly bright that the entire space was illuminated. In that flash she finally saw clearly what she was conversing with. She recoiled in horror to see what could only be described as some experiment gone wrong in an attempt to fuse a giant fish and human body together. It’s grotesque features leaked with dark fluid like it was crying and vomiting constantly. The dark fluid leaked from its eyes, ears, nose and from every visible pour. It was staring at her with huge empty eyes as it hungrily reached for her again. The little light had no idea of how to get away so it was all she could do to shiver and shift through incredibly uncomfortable feelings of thick slime and of little things crawling through her light.
Another point of light hovered close to her, she realised it was the one that had emitted the bright flash a moment ago. This light was big and radiated an intense but deep earthy glow with forest green waves dancing and playing with cool aquamarine blues and whites, like crashing foamy seawater.
She felt one of his light beams softly murmur to her. She couldn’t understand what was being said but she felt so much peace and gentleness she instinctively let herself open baring her centre without any disguise or protection of any kind. The second she did this the awful human/fish cloud rushed toward her with a force that would crush a mountain. However the other point of light was quick and he exploded a pulse of black light that looked similar to the glittering darkness itself. The pulse was all encompassing. It wasn’t bright and it wasn’t dark. For the duration of its movement it simply seemed to erase everything for a moment. In this moment of confusion the other point of light floated closer and joined with the little light source. She felt the joining as if she were on autopilot in her own light. An incredible warm glow suddenly coursed through her as the two points of light were now one. The colour they now emitted was similar to the pine green aquatic colours from him but there was more now. She also noticed they were beaming golden sparks pulsing with a steady magenta pink.
“It’s okay” Came a voice from within her “Relax now, no harm will come to you but pay attention” There was a sense of urgency in the last request as the creature with was thundering angrily came flooding toward them. The little light realised she had no control anymore at all and just observed as they tumbled and swayed constantly just out of reach of the monster. The angrier it got the louder and more rattlingly chaotic everything got. Grateful she had help the little light gave all her attention to focus on what was happening.
As they dodged and weaved around the dark creature they passed horrendous images of violence, pain and twisted messes of screaming life. Some looked like real living bodies and others seemed more like holographic images in its flashing clouds of turmoil. She watched as their own centre of light moved through wildly different shapes, colours and sizes all drawing from the golden sparks and pink pulse as if they were the energy source. She watched as they split into two, three sometimes even five seperate light sources that whirred around the monster only to join into one again out of reach. The creatures rage seemed to reach a boiling point and the noise became practically visible as jutting bolts of blood red lightening began sparking furiously inside the dark cloud.
“Now!”came the voice “Quick!”
Without fully knowing what now meant but once again relying on some instinct within her she let her energy and power pour into a tension and like jumping to super-speed they caught onto one of the bolts of the creature and shot forward at a rate she had no reference to describe to herself. The moment only lasted a split second but when it stopped they were once again floating in peaceful glittering emptiness.
“In here” Called the voice as if from a distance.
She thought it was a funny idea but somehow it made sense anyway that she could go inward. So she did. Nothing but pure light was all there was.
The light extended and seemed to condense around her although she couldn’t make sense of where it was or what it was doing. She continued to stare in mild confusion until she heard laughter. It was such a wonderful light rumble. Like happy thunder way off in the distance “You have to open your eyes to see”
With a shock she realised she did have eyes now and they were in fact closed. She opened her eyes and just lay there gazing up at her surroundings. She was gazing at the tops of tall trees of all different kinds. The trees stretched and wound their way up toward the sky which was covered by the vibrant green leaves sprouted from the sturdy branches that had little woodland creatures running to and fro. She sat up slowly taking in the bed of bright green and yellow moss and fallen leaves that made up the forest floor. She inhaled a deep rich breath of fresh air.
After a few moments gazing listlessly at the chirping woods surrounding her she turned her attention to her body. It was a woman’s body with long tan arms and legs and a lot of buzzing energy. Every time she she took a breath it was as if she was breathing through not just her lungs and mouth but also through the pores in her skin. A tall proud looking stag with magnificent antlers who had been wandering past stopped. It swung it’s head toward her it’s bone structure of antlers like a crown of tree branches faced her directly. underneath this its wide dark eyes regarded her curiously.
“Hi” She whispered in a soft voice reaching a limp hand out as if she could stroke it from here.
It sniffed the air before moving slowly toward her. The animal stopped just out of arms reach and stretched it head forward. She reached out to touch its wet nose. A small giggle escaped her lips as the stag moved closer now nudging her shoulder. She scratched its neck marvelling at how incredibly soft and fluffy it was on the surface despite the power she could feel in its thick relaxed muscles. It suddenly pulled back but kept its eyes locked on hers.
The stag swung its head to look into the woods then back to her with a loud sniff. She followed its line of sight to see someone swinging from tree branches a little way off into the distance. The stag then turned and pranced away.
She felt a little disappointed the stag left but she decided to go to this swinging monkey or person whatever it was. She made her way cautiously through the woods feeling giddy and light but still aware that she had nothing to protect her bare feet if she stepped on a sharp rock or thorn. The trees around her were ringing with all sorts of bright sounds like the chirping and squeaking of little animals and birds to the gentle rustle of leaves all sounding like calming singsong voices and melodies.
“HEY!” She called out as she neared the figure high in the trees. It was remarkable that she found it difficult to keep up with him despite being on level ground as he moved through the maze of branches effortlessly swinging from one to another barely making a sound “HEY!” She shouted again “YOU UP THERE!”
She saw him stop moving and peer down at her “Up where?” Came the reply. She thought she caught a glimpse of bright green eyes in the far away face, they looked very familiar but she couldn’t quite place it. A friend in another life perhaps.
“I’M TALKING TO YOU!” She cupped her hands around her mouth to shout up.
“Yeah but who says I’m up there?”
She nearly jumped out of her skin as his voice answered right beside her. She whirled and looked down to see him kneeling down and closely observing a tree trunk that had a patch of some kind of rot or fungus growing in it. He placed a hand over the area and a wave of pure calm feel over the clearing. The tree then shuddered as he relaxed and patted it gently. The rot, as if going through a time warp, suddenly darkened then crumbled to nothing. Immediately in its space new wood began to grow until finally a little layer of bark had completely reappeared, completing the process, and leaving a little glowing patch of barely detectable green.
She looked back up into the tree branches expecting to see the man climbing down but there was nobody up there. She looked back to him “How did you…do that?” She finished slowly
“Well” He rubbed his hands together vigorously as he got to his feet and moved toward the edge of the clearing where there was a little rock pool “If you can tap into the right feeling and communicate it well then there’s very few things that won’t respond to you”
“No…not that…” She frowned as he bent over washing his hands in the little rock pool “I mean weren’t you just up in the tree”
He stood and finally faced her fully “Are you sure that’s what you want to talk about?” He smiled gently at her his brilliant green aquamarine eyes searching hers.
She gasped “You” There was no mistaking the strange but lovely mix of colour and vibrancy “You’re the other light” With this realisation came a jarring knot in her gut “So that was real in that…other place with that…awful thing”
His eyes softened sympathetically “You are safe now but nothing lasts forever. Why don’t you ask your questions?”
She shook her head dispelling images of dark sickly tendrils coming toward her “Where are we?…And where were we a moment ago?” She then looked at her hands and frowned “Who’s body is this?”
“Let’s start with the easy one” He chuckled lightly as he beckoned her over to the rock pool and pointed at the surface of the water “Take a look”
She tentatively walked to it and looked down. She was stunned by the piercing eyes staring widely back at her. Her face was soft and had a resting look of nearly smiling. She had high proud cheekbones and a strong almost masculine jaw. The stunning feeling came from the familiarity she felt as she looked into the face she had worn before. Memories of hunting and moving stealthily through woodlands on a hunt, memories of dancing through the night with the rest of her tribe around a giant blazing fire, the streaks of body paint slowly being sweated into new shapes as it was carried by the heat and momentum of the ecstatic dancing.
“As for where we are” He continued “We are inside what you would know as a dimension. This particular world is one of my favourites, of all the beautiful worlds I’ve designed none take my breath away quite like here”
“You made this place” She turned to him questioningly
“We are all sparks from infinite creativity, once you learn that it is simply a matter of removing that which blocks you from yourself. Then you can create” He turned and slowly began to wander off through the woods motioning for her to follow.
“I have a question for you if you would allow?”
She found the question odd for some reason but put that thought aside and tried to remember what it was. She thought for several minutes of silence until finally she remembered what people used to call her in this body “I’m Samina” She replied confidently.
He gave her a funny look and shook his head “I’m not asking the name of the body you are in, I’m asking for your name?”
Her face creased in confusion “I don’t understand?”
He stopped walking beside a tree and held out his arm. A little squirrel that had been watching hopped joyfully onto his forearm and ran up to sit on his shoulder “Take this little one for example. His name is…” He made a few distinct chirping noises and the squirrel squeaked excitedly and scratched at his hair “…now when he leaves this body as you did yours he will only be that name as part of a memory. That says nothing about the real name that belongs to him. The name of the energy that brings life and movement into the body”
She thought again as the squirrel moved back down his arm and leapt into her arms with an excited burst. She caught him and couldn’t help but smile at the little creature who scurried up her arm and on top of her head before launching off once again to catch onto a tree trunk. Turning away she shook her head “I don’t know that. How can I find out?”
“You find something that fits so well it feels as though it was placed in existence for only you” He declared loudly as they continued to walk.
“So what’s yours then?” She asked
He laughed heartily as they came to the edge of the forest to see an overwhelmingly stunning sunset that scorched the sky a deep golden red shimmering off the white fluffy clouds as it set behind the deep green rolling hills full of rustling plants and grazing families of animals. Some of the animals looked familiar like cows and sheep while others looked more like strange dinosaurs with long necks and sweeping tails.
“My name is Tsuringam Marsak Florangam!”
She smiled and let out a giggle as the sound seemed to prime the atmosphere with a pleasant buzz.
“You’ll know yours when you find it” He assured as everything settled once more “Right now I have something important to tell you” He tuned to her and she could feel a serious edge come into his tone “That darkness that you were getting tangled up with…” He paused “…it’s what’s out there to counteracts all this” He motioned to her “It will convince you that your thoughts are more real than you and when that happens you will have surrendered your centre. If you do this then you are finished as who and what you are”
She hung her head as a wave of self pity and sadness washed over her “It used real memorise of a past life. I just wanted to go back and show that I didn’t mean any harm, I just wanted to help”
He suddenly spoke a word she couldn’t make out. The second he said it however she felt deeply moved to her core, she wanted to burst with joy and bellow her excitement for life, but at the same moment she also felt such a sweet sting of eternal loss and sadness. Her eyes welled with tears and she shivered on the spot unable to do anything appropriate in the face of such polarising but all encompassing feelings.
“Listen to me” He continued in a very gentle but firm voice “There is no such thing as going back, nothing and no one can re-create exactly what has already been. Until you reach the safe glow you must be vigilant and watchful. There will be others of these thoughts and entities that will offer, ask and/or threaten to take you over. Respond to nothing unless it has the creators signature”
“How will I know” She trembled
“How did you know to open to me?”
“S…So you’ve taken me over?”
His face fell to an almost apologetic expression “Yes, I have. When you opened yourself I assumed control and for that I am so sorry, this would be considered a very grave offence but had I not then you would no longer be”
“It’s okay” She gave him a small smile “If it was either you or that thing then I know which I would have chosen anyway”
He didn’t return the smile, his eyes shone with a sadness “Don’t forgive me until you understand”
She stared into his deep wide eyes seeing a sadness for her that she couldn’t yet comprehend and beyond that nothing but pure love.
“I’m going to let go now” He spoke in barely a hushed whisper but she was certain she would have heard it perfectly even thousands of miles away “Just remember to find and hold your centre, with that nothing can hurt you. Nothing else matters other than your centre right in the instant that you feel it”
“Wait!” She snapped a little to hastily as she felt her heartbeat rising in the grip of panic “Why do you have to go can’t you stay?”
He shook his head “I’m so sorry, I really am”
“W…well can’t I come with you?” She took a step forward “I…I’ll follow you…anywhere…I…”
“NO!” The single word sliced through her with a resounding firmness “It’s time now that I continue on my path and you on yours”
“But I don’t know my path” She broke down with fresh tears in her eyes.
He took a step closer to her, his large bright eyes telling of the saddest love story she had every seen “Goodbye now” He gently took her hands. The second they touched she felt the world explode back into that pure brilliant light once again. The endless expanse of light then seemed to be fading slowly. It took several moments for her to realise that it was not fading but in fact getting smaller and smaller as the seperate point of light drifted away from her. The light that had just saved her. Going…going…
She burned a blazing colour display of luminous blue and lava red as she let out a piercing sound for the pain of suddenly being so alone once again.
Then through the shining black as if carried by a gentle breeze came a melody that soothed her like cold water over a burn.
“Go little light and find your spark, find your purpose through the dark.
Dance little light and let memories go, let your life light and colours flow.
Don’t be afraid for we are always your mentor.
Forever with you precisely at the centre”
