#entragedy

[baudelheiress]

❝   if you’re feeling overwhelmed and you think nobody will understand, you can talk to me. about anything.       /      @entragedy​

adolescent    affections    can    be    overwhelming    in    &    of    themselves,    violet    has    come    to    understand.    the    sweet  -  toned    timbre    of    his    voice    over    the    phone    is    enough    to    sputter    heart    into    shock     ---    she    sits    cross  -  legged    atop    her    comforter,    phone    nestled    dreamily    between    cheek     &    palm,    free    hand    tucking    loose    ribbons    of    hair    behind    her    ear.             ❛❛  it’s  so  loud  there,  ❜❜        the    communal    phone    at    welton    is    poorly    stationed,    she’d    taken    note    of    that    on    her    first    visit    (    &    felt    wholly    validated    in    her    criticism    with    every    phone    call    from    todd    ).     behind    his    soft    declarations    is    a    goose  -  pen    of    teenaged    boys    talking    over    one    another,    scuffling    &    shouting    &    not    at    all    diminishing    the    worth    of    todd’s    offer.    violet    smiles,    &    her    smile    settles    into    tone.          ❛❛  i  can’t  help  but  feel  like  you’re  the  overwhelmed  one.  ❜❜

[archived-borispavsky]

    @entragedy​ for zoe / from:  russian literature by maximo park.

        “ i can’t live my life feeling nervous about tomorrow. ”

[archived-borispavsky]

    @entragedy​ for fraser / from ‘how to disappear completely by radiohead’

       “ that’s not me, i go where i please.  in a little while, i’ll be gone. ”

[clearvoir]

*     𝐀𝐒𝐊        ———    @entragedy​     /      an old tree. 

        ❝      . . .   dan?     ❞      stench  of  off  -  brand  cigarettes  touches  her  senses,     the  cindering  prong  glows  weathered  features  of  adjacent  torrance,     where  he  curves  over  himself  in  an  exhausted  bore  of  bones      ━     tufts  of silver  are  beginning  to  sprout  at  the  crown  of  his  head,     in  the  wisps  of  his  beard.      clammy  palms  have  wiped  fruitlessly  to  soiled  denim,       the  trek  uphill  has  been  an  arduous  labor,      where  thorny  shrubs  have  pierced  her  skin,      scattered  dead  wildflowers  have  encompassed  the  trail,      gathered  through  the  over  -  crop  and  foliage.       she  feels  out  of  place,      affixed  in  place  by  his  stare  alone.     

          ❝     uncle  dan,     what’d  you  bring  me  here  for?     it’s  cold.     ❞

[redheid]

— i want to be whatever it is you think i am.

@entragedy

— tell me we’re no oan aboot those hats again?  we’re ah’m beating a dead horse with the hat malarkey but it comes tae my tongue and jumps oaf as a deluded last resort opting to go first when it really oh really should be harbouring and loving its place in the back.  ah used tae be better at this, at girls in general. zoe murphy, fir no comprehensible reason, has me floating aboot limp in a jelly mould refusing tae settle. she’s got too firm a glare, a look aboot her thit makes ma heid run tae the last thing we talked aboot in order to force any seriousness oot of the air and let me breathe fir a second. ah don’t know when ah got bad at telling jokes from fact. it’s embarrassing. ah’m fuckin sick ay hats.

[redheid]

‘ i talked too much, didn’t i? i’m sorry. ’        @entragedy from evan but i threw zoe in for good measure too

teeter oan the edge of fucking meanness. ah pass a smile from the kid ah’m sure is aboot to shake his breeches off and ovir tae zoe. mark renton tae the rescue or something as egotistical as. the teetering started oan leaving zoe tae talk to the poor fucker (or listen tae the natterer trying tae get whitever point he was poorly misconstruing across tae her) fir longer than ah should have. ah could’ve delved in anytime, but ah’m polite: ah wouldnae dare push in where ah wisnae wanted. 

                ‘ naw, ’   ah insert myself intae the scene anyway; the mark renton tae the rescue ah was oan aboot.   ‘ ah loved it. ’   ah pretend this was an desirable entry point fir me, wanted oan both parties, tae sooth masel ovir the pushing in where ah wisnae wanted. this was a killer affair between zoe and evan. ah’ll give in and say ah do ma fair share of nattering at zoe, really just talking at her, but ah dinnae have half the tangents and extras. ah’m tae the point. ah cannae forgive a rambler.   ‘ you podcasting, evan? you’ve the lung capacity fir it. ’ 

[fisthrust]

@entragedy  said     :        i’m    not    trying    to    scare    you   .  .  .       /       from   dan

❝          i’m   nn - not   sc - scared .          ❞              big  bill        :         strong  and  true,     a  hero  from  an  old  movie.          fearless  knight,     no  fear   in  his  heart.          facing  down  the  dragon  and  saving  the  princess,     a  happy  ending     .   .   .      a  lie.          eyes  raise  to   meet  dan’s,     a  crack  in  the  center  of  heroic  facade.           eyes  not  of  king  arthur,     but  of  a  helpless  child.          eyes  that  seem  to  beg.       (        oh  god  uncle  dan,     please  help  me  !         oh  god,     oh  shit  !        )       mouth  falls  open  and  shut,     words  lost  somewhere  in  the  miles  long  expanse  that  seems  to  link  brain  and  throat.         

what  finally  forms  is  not  words  at  all,     but  an  image.          man  coated  head  to   toe  in  flies     ,     all  swarming  and  crawling.          one  thousand,     two  thousand,     so  many  that  the  room  seems  to   shift  with  their  every  moment,     every  square  inch  alive.          more  and  more  and  more          –        until  all  light  is  blotted  out          .   .   .          leaving  behind  nothing  but  their  terrible  buzzing.          leaving  nothing  but  the  boy  in  their  wake,     all  over - wide  eyes  and  tensed  muscles,     a  thousand  fears  packed  into  his  very  stance .

  ❝          h  -  hh  -  h          .       .       .      h - how     ll - long        ?          ❞

[redheid]

‘ mark, have you got no soul? is your heart a gaping hole? ’                @entragedy (zoe)

ah feel like ah’ve dropped dead. ma heart does very well become a gaping hole, or the place it leaves behind once the vital organ itself goes falling right down tae ma feet tae sit in ma shoes.   ‘ mark? ’   ah sais with a force of incredulity ah dinnae know ah could possess.   ‘ since when did... ’   naw, ah fade oot there. caught by surprise. the first and last time ah get ma actual name is when ah leave the house in the morning and when ah come back again at the end of the day. my own fault actually, introducing maself wi ma own least preferred name was a conception of ma own genius brain. rent, rents, renton - the much less preferred rentboy ah have almost successfully shaken off except on phone calls back to leith that leave me shuddering and thinking ah should’ve just gone ahead and told ma new counterparts tae go wi mark.   

                ‘ since when d’you call me mark? ’   ah forget aboot the heart, the no soul, just like ah forget people can in fact know ah am no a last name. the fact thit zoe is in fact sitting there knowing more than ah do. whit were we talking aboot before, ah’m thinking, but it’s long gone. the incredulity in ma voice travels intae ma features and ah smile, a laugh blunders outay ma mooth wi a shake of ma heid.   ‘ fucking weirdo, where the fuck did thit come from? ’