entry 59 of marble hornets makes me want to cry like. jay has so much undeconstructed saneism and seeing tim's reaction to it (as a fellow mentally ill person) feels so fuckin real.
being called a psychopath, being accused of inherently wanting to hurt others as they try to justify their fear of you....
and all you want to hear is that it's not really your fault that you're like this. tim wants to believe the operator's presence is all alex's fault (which is probably only partially true) as everyone around him tries to blame him for things he has absolutely no control over. (everyone in marble hornets lacks control, and so all they can do is turn against one another for even the smallest amount of power, against something, to do anything)
tim's finally "normal." he's achieved what the doctors promised. and then come along jay and alex, ready to pull him back into frame (pun partially intended). and he loses the little amount of control he thought he had. and jay dares to try and blame his inability to maintain a normal life on something innate, something inescapable. tells him, you will always be like this. you are forever your worst impulses. and in saying so reflects the psychiatric system's (and society at large) view that mentally ill people are defined by their mental illness, if they cannot be normal and fixed they hold no value, that they are forever outcasts and forever flawed.
fuck. he should've punched jay harder
