Jan 2, 2021
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HAPPY NEW YEAR 🤍
2020 Creator Wrap
Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
tagged by @lambourngb <3
this has been an interesting year for me, creatively. lots of highs and lows. unlike last year, I didn’t participate in NaNoWriMo, but also unlike last year, I participated in a Big Bang for the first time. overall, I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a writer this year.
but when it comes to reflecting on what I’ve written this year...I don’t know. It’s hard to feel fully connected to a lot of it. Part of that is pandemic brain, part of it is me getting used to the different beast that is co-writing, part of it is imposter syndrome...it’s a many-headed beast. I have complicated feelings on all of it. Maybe it’s part of the growth process; maybe the New Year just has me feeling maudlin. But all that being said, here are my top 5 works I wrote this year.
1. To Raise A Child (series): This is cheating a little, picking a series, but I can’t just pick one fic in this series. Writing with @maeglinthebold has been such an adventure and a wonderful ray of light in this gloomy year. This series asks the adults of Roswell to step up--except Arturo, who we all know is already perfect--and follows our young heroes as they grow. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever completed, and while I obviously can’t take full credit, I’m so, so proud of everything about this story. As is evident by my ao3 page, I’ve always been a more succinct writer, and I’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy as I never seem able to turn out the long, gorgeous epics other creators I admire can. No matter how satisfied I am with my own skills, I can’t help but feel like my work is valued less because of its length. So while I am, largely, the same writer I was before, I feel a sense of security and satisfaction having completed something like this, even knowing I never could have done it alone. Also the ending of the series is perfect, just saying. Endings are hard, but this one was simple and elegant. <3
2. we were hand to glove to cuff: holy shit can you believe this fic was written this year lmao. but it was, according to ao3! I love this fic, truly. I loved digging into Alex’s headspace here, and while I look back on it with a slightly frustrated nostalgia now that canon Alex has gone in such a vastly different direction than the Alex I thought I knew after season 1...this Alex is still valid, and I love him, haha. This fic was also notable for how clear it was in my mind even before I started writing it--a rarity for me, as I usually take a more freeform approach to writing, but this one arrived fully formed and was a joy to write on every level.
3. looking for yourself out there: (rated E). ah, the peak of self indulgence, my Michael/OC fic, soon to be series. Well, I call it self indulgent, and believe me, it is, but in the end it is going to be about the journey of Michael and Alex coming back together, about both of their relationships post-season 2. but for now...this fic is just about Michael meeting a nice guy who likes him and maybe a little bit starting to realize that it’s okay to just be liked by a nice guy and like a nice guy back for a little while, without it being this star-crossed world-ending epic soul-rending thing, yknow? It was definitely fun to write, though I struggled with it. In the end, I think I really nailed Michael’s POV here as well.
4. where the love light gleams: I hesitated a bit before putting this on the list--about putting three things published back to back to back on the list, really--but in the end, i have to go with my gut. This fic was one of my most significant forays into modeling what malex’s relationship might have looked like over the lost decade, and even if it’s Christmas themed, I’m very satisfied with how I nailed the atmosphere of it all, something I struggled with a lot. Plus, the ending is super fluffy, just the kind of thing I need to imagine for malex at the end of the day <3
5. an overture bold and beyond: I mean, it’s gotta be this one, right? My Big Bang, a fix-it fic for the 2x10 bunker scene but really for the final arc of season 2 altogether, as it pertains to the emotions of Michael and Alex. When the event was first announced, I had ambitious plans for the Big Bang, much more involved, plot-heavy, lengthy stories I wanted to tackle. But as the pandemic hit, and as season 2 progressed, I changed direction several times. And I’m glad I did. I’m so, so satisfied with this story. Writing it was a catharsis I needed to move past some of the feelings I was nursing about season 2. Well, not entirely--I’m still prone to saltiness about these things--but it doesn’t hurt quite as much. I don’t feel the need to go into detail yet again about my deep dislike of the 2x10 bunker scene or how the fallout was (or rather wasn’t) handled; I’ll just say that I was left honestly struggling to even continue shipping malex or, really, with my investment in the show as a whole, I was so hurt by the direction certain character arcs were taking and the continued missteps/carelessness (in my opinion) with emotional arcs in canon. This fic was a massive reconstruction project.
Which, I mean, obviously, fic and actual real life network television are vastly different beasts. So I’m not saying by any means that I think my fic should be substituted for the actual real life 2x13. But I do think I competently and compellingly take advantage of and resolve some massive gaping holes the show left behind, and that’s a really fulfilling feeling to have about one’s own writing.
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I feel like I could talk forever about this, about season 2 in general (so so many words), and about how I’ve felt writing and trying to write rnm in this year and in this environment (canon and fandom environment), but I’ll leave it there, and with an enormous thank you to everyone who has supported me, every friend I’ve flopped onto for help, every beta reader, every person who’s listened to me whine or gotten just as excited as me over some idea, every commentor, every kudoser, and every silent reader who I’ve touched. Thank you all so much <3
Savage Remix🐝🐎