A wandering mind is not a happy mind but here's what to do about it...
According to research Eric Barker has uncovered “people spend 46.9% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing, and this mind-wandering typically makes them unhappy.”
The fact is we can’t stop our minds wandering. Even during meditation ( if you do it), you’ll have distracting thoughts. More on this later.
The challenge for most of us is many times the wandering thoughts we have outside or during meditation tend to be negative thoughts, and are destructive and make us unhappy.
But it doesn't, and shouldn't, have to be this way.
Another point Eric Barker makes is… you are not your thoughts. “Just because you think something doesn’t mean you are what you think.”
YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS:
Let’s use the example of anger to illustrate this point. No doubt you’re experienced the thought – I’m angry! Maybe a co-worker, friend or one of your children has provoked this emotion in you. Of course, in the moment you may not catch this realization and later regret what you said or did.
This impulse reaction then makes you unhappy once you realize you were really tired and not angry.
Unfortunately, damage done.
Separating your thoughts from YOU is important otherwise you end-up feeling and becoming an “angry person” or “frustrated person.”
From a practicality perspective, you separate your thoughts – and thereby your feelings - from YOU by giving them labels. Examples are “I’m feeling worried” or “I’m feeling frustrated.”
Eric Barker notes that “neuroscientists have shown giving an emotion a name can curb bad feelings.”
To expand the topic of FEELINGS even more then Jamie Smart teaches us to realize that your feelings are generated from your THOUGHT in the moment. We often fall into what he calls “contaminated thinking” by thinking what we feel is because of external events but as he says “it just doesn’t work that way.”and for us to recognize we generate all our feelings by our own THOUGHTS.
But that’s a topic for another day to justice to Smart’s work.
DON'T REACT TO THOUGHTS... DECIDE:
Barker talks about “training the heart.”
Some people think saying what is in their heart is being open and truthful and who they are, even if it gets them in ‘hot water.’ The point here isn’t to stifle one’s personality but more to train the heart to not impulsively react to a thought… but to ask the question “is what I’m about to say or act helpful to me or others?”
Of course, the answer can still be yes and you go ahead.
As Barker notes “telling yourself what you did was dumb might be harsh but it might lead you to get your act together."
Alternatively, telling your friend their "baby is ugly" metaphorically speaking that is... maybe not that helpful to you or them.
If you’ve surmised already this “in the moment thinking” smacks a lot like Mindfulness, then give yourself a “brownie point.”
For sure Mindfulness tends to be linked to meditation but making a decision in the moment after reflection is also Mindfulness thinking. Any situation where “being able to have a little bit of space so you can make a clear decision on whether you want to nurture something or to let it go” is in essence practicing Mindfulness as Barker muses.
HOW DOES MINDFULNESS BOOST HAPPINESS?
The final point on this topic from Barker is to “Be compassionate to yourself and others.”
By practicing Mindfulness in your thoughts, you decide how you can be of help in a situation. “Instead of getting angry or frustrated you can have the thought of helping yourself or others,and this act of Mindfulness lets in the thought of compassion and the road to happiness.”
Just a side comment on compassion – a much maligned word these days mostly because some folks link it incorrectly to a show of weakness, but it’s not… it’s a sign of strength. But my argument is more about self-compassion as a substitute for self-esteem. A person who can show self-compassion has high self-esteem anyway and frankly its less complicated a topic to understand than self-esteem.
As I mentioned earlier Mindfulness is often linked to meditation and the act of carving out quiet time in a controlled setting. As Barker notes “It’s like going to the gym for your Mindfulness muscles.”
In this meditation setting Mindfulness:
> Let’s you focus on your breath.
> When random thoughts pop-up – and they will – you can learn to let them go.
> You use “labeling” for negative thoughts and return to focus on your breath.
> Repeated dealing with distracting thoughts translates to less mind-wandering and more happiness.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
If you take one thing away today let it be in Eric Barker’s words: “… what’s most important is getting distance from your thoughts, deciding which ones are useful, which ones will make you and others happy, and acting on them.”
As you can see it’s not critical to mediate to practice Mindfulness. However, if you wish to, and want a free Mindfulness session then I created one last year, and if you’ve not downloaded it yet then you can get it for free here >>>
The thoughts for this article and quoted ideas and materials were first shared at Eric Barker’s article on Mindfulness at his blog which you can find here >>>
Erika Slater CHT Director Free At Last Hypnosis Massachusetts