#erin doyle

[freylycoris]

Julian trying to grow some beard...he has a long way ahead of him hue

[freylycoris]

“Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should.” erin and julian

He crossed his arms and didn’t know what to really think of her words. It wasn’t the first time Erin talked in a weird manner, wrapping these wisdoms in big presents for him to unwrap and figure out what they were. Julian wasn’t stupid but he was also just average at many things. His poetic skills or his knowledge of such stuff was limited and he wished to have a translator for them.A little annoyed, he looked back at the night sky who seemed to appear crystal clear about the two that were sitting there in the grass on a warm summer night.The young man had given up on talking about his anger and his jealousy a while ago. Even he got annoyed by this after time, but he was thankful that Erin was willing to listen to him. If Julian ever told Kyle, it would’ve broken his heart in two. Julian knew Kyle adored Mark, even had a sweet ass nickname for him. While Julian...well he has always been Julian. Back then and now. Perhaps it was a compliment that Kyle didn’t easily forget about him..still...“I’m no leader...”, Julian replied, avoiding her gaze as he spoke. “And I never will be. Leader positions...they are for other people. Headstrong and yet considerate of other ideas..and all that stuff. I admit..I got a lot of advice from you and it seems like I just can’t deal with it or don’t know how to apply it in real life. I’m sorry if you think your breath is wasted on me. Truth be told, you are the only one who would listen to me that long about that problem. You know...my parents are pretty busy and only got time on the weekend for me..sometimes... I am used to live alone and explain things to myself. Give myself reasons to either ignore or do things. It’s hard to learn. I don’t know. I’m weird...I apologize..”However, he knew that people viewed Erin as weird too...even he did. Not in a bad way but just weird. It must’ve been tiresom for her to hear that over and over again and yet, she had the same patient face as always. She didn’t need many things and helped out her friends, even gave them life advice while Julian sometimes choked on his cereals in the morning. He felt like he didn’t really grow up with all this anger inside. It kept him from moving forward. Why couldn’t he forget? The boy would give anything to just climb mountains, maybe learn how to swim at the beach and take really amateur pictures of animals in the mountains than have this crushing angst inside of him.Strangely enough, Julian thought his teenage times would be more like..being an outsider and being rejected by the girls he likes...but that wasn’t the case. He never admitted his crushes on many cheerleaders in his school, he liked to admire them from his spot far far away. Julian wasn’t the best looking and his mole made that goal even harder for him but he didn’t mind anymore.Perhaps he had found his peace in the mountains and woods he liked to take a walk in for a while now. Who needed more things? Peace and a good friend who was up to explore the secrets of mother nature’s green fields was all this guy needed at this stage of his life. Maybe that was the way to progress and leave his old self behind.“Still..thanks for the advice you’ve given me so far,even if I just don’t get it yet”

[freylycoris]

“you can only push someone so far, before they break.” Julian and Erin zING

He knew that he was the one asking Erin why Mark was..a person many looked up to and yet he seemed so gloomy in his opinion. Julian never got what was so cool about him. He was attracting a lot of people around him and Julian sometimes wished to have this kind of power. Yet, the man with the blue eyes seemed just as cold as the color would suggest.Julian was a guy who started to become jaded as time went by and his best friend rather hung out with other people and Mark than him. Sometimes, he thought it was his own fault for not having enough bite to take back what was his...but then again, Erin told him often enough that it wasn’t his fault nor were these people his to lose or to have,Perhaps it was time to let go of this topic once and for all even if it was hard. Erin made it a little easier to forget about these things though most of her sentences made little to no sense in Julians opinion and so, he spend most of his time thinking about what she said. Maybe the thing she said about Mark was true for Julian himself. It wasn’t just Mark who pushed him when he wasn’t really pushing at all. All the other people around him and his family that barely had time..they were all adding to the pressure and that he wasn’t good enough at anything. But hanging out with Erin showed him that he wasn’t stupid at all. Somehow he had to pay her back but she didn’t seem like she needed anything he could buy with money. During their walks they always came across a lot of stuff, mostly stones that she liked but there were a thousand stones out there they would find so she didn’t need that either.She had done enough so he could turn his life around but he couldn’t even find one gift for her..well...maybe it was a gift enough for her that he was going on talks with her and explored the forest. “Listen...I think I will leave that topic in the past now...I admire your patience with me and it..and that I kinda talk so badly about one of your friends because I am so salty towards him. Buuut I think I wanna move on. If this topic pushes me even more, it will break me..right? So...how about we have a nice nature trip again! My parents aren’t at home anyways so I don’t need to be at home anyways. I should bring my telescope!..oh..no..that will be too heavy to carry...but I wish I could bring it. Ah..anyways what do you think?”

[skipzophreniic]

erin and her toki alawa

erin, alawa & art are mine

[skipzophreniic]

bust practice on csp ghghnghngn

[freylycoris]

"The conclusion is still up ahead and nobody knows what it is yet." julian and erin

Julian had a hard time understanding his friend. Most of the time, he had to think for a while to understand what Erin meant with her words. It was fairly safe to say that things were already solved...why was she saying there was still more to it?“I’m not really sure, Erin. I thought things are already said and done.”But..she was never really wrong...was she? It was almost as if Erin knew more than she really said. From time to time Julian was wondering if Erin had some super crazy special powers she didn’t tell him about. Then again, she was an enigma anyways. Some found her weird but he...didn’t mind her being around so she could calm him down.There were times when Julian wished that his old best friend Kyle would invest his time in him again, but then he remembered: The poor fool had a crappy home right now because of his mom throwing him out. The black-haired never expected her to do that despite her harsh and strict attitude. His mother looked like a person you could reason with. Apperantly not.The summer times back then were just too good to be true now. What Julian did now was helping the search and rescue teams to find people. That meant to grow up and hike all day to find clues or weird stuff.Thankfully,Erin was totally up to that and helped him sometimes. Her knowledge of nature and spiritual stuff helped him quite a bit and impressed the people he was working with.“The job is hard and lonely..you gotta have a thick skin!”,he remembered one person saying that. While the old Julian would hate to be alone and in scary situations, the ‘new’ Julian didn’t have any problems anymore.Perhaps all these parties helped him realze that he didn’t need any of this. All the things people say they need or want...the only thing Julian wanted was breathe the mountain air and go on a hike. Maybe look at the stars at night and don’t feel like a complete failure.

[freylycoris]

❝ I’ve been seeing all, I’ve been seeing your soul. ❞ julian and erin

“Psh...”The black-haired boy turned away from his friend,not sure if he should laugh or cry over what she said. Erin was...really special.Be it how she expressed herself or how she tried to help you.Didn’t she have her own problems?“I don’t know how you would be able to do that...”What would she see anyways?Only a gray fucking idiot...he was invisible to the others and frankly,Julian hated it. There was nothing he wished more for than just having a few more friends to hang out and have fun. Then maybe his parents would notice a change in him...maybe.Tho..if he was honest...hiking with Erin wasn’t too bad. He liked to rely on his knowledge and the map while she...was kind of a free spirit. But she knew a lot about nature in general and when they were outside,Julian didn’t mind her spiritual weird talk at all. It was quite interesting once his mind was clear and he was open to let these ideas hit his mind and make him think. Sometimes,yes,she gave him the feeling that he wasn’t just average but pretty smart since Julian liked to add a few of his own ideas once he warmed up a little to her. And warming up meant that he had to warm up every time they did something together. There were a few people who noticed that the pale guy had been spending time with Erin and they made fun of it. Of course they would since Erin wasn’t a super popular cheerleader. But it didn’t bother him that she wasn’t. He often acted like an asshole just to play down his self esteem issues,yeah. Only in front of people who seemed to believe that tho and with Erin he had found one of the people who didn’t believe that shit and still wanted to be his friend.Wow, what an asshole he had been. Perhaps that was the reason why nobody wanted to be his friend? Because firstly,Julian was just a normal boy who liked hiking and the nature. He had seen a lot but teenagers only cared about alcohol and parties. When he went to the party he wasn’t supposed to be at, it was hard to hold the liquor,let alone endure the strange smell that was coming from some rooms. Yeah,Julian was a pussy meassured by teenage standards. But boy was he proud that he attended his first real party with cheerleaders and jocks. Secondly, even his grades weren’t good enough to attract the nerds. Average at best,he struggled to be better than that,however the grades also never dropped. The young boy was standing on one spot and nothing was able to move him.Thirdly,once he had a crush on a popular girl and thought it would be best to write her a love letter. There are still kids who remember that and are disgusted or amused by the thing.“No no...okay...forget what I said...tell me what you see then..with all that...uh..weird stuff and words you say all the time...I will listen!”One thing Julian was good at...was listening. Especially outside when nobody but the person speaking was there. His concentration was the worst when he was in class,people throwing shit at him or others,giggling and talking shit. He heard it all even if it wasn’t about him. Within a blink of an eye,the class was over and his paper full with shapes and clouds he doodled on instead of the wise words the teacher spoke. But when everything was quiet, Julian seemed to remember every word,every additional thing the person said. That didn’t mean he knew what they meant..he just remembered it word for word. The idea of just recording the classes on tape for him to listen at home or in his treehouse crossed his mind a few times but his own mind discouraged the young man right away.‘You won’t be able to catch up anyways’Yeah..maybe inner Julian was right...

[freylycoris]

❝ stop lying with those words. ❞ Julian and Erin mayhaps? c:

“I’m not lying!”Dammit, why did she knew he was lying. He wasn’t a good liar but only because he rarely lied to his parents or anyone else. Even if he was,people could tell by his behavior and just let him lie a little more. Julian didn’t have many people that trusted him and Erin was one of the only people who did trust him. And he ws actually really happy that she did...even if Erin was a little..weird? Odd? But nice.“I tooold you I wasn’t there. I just heard what was going on there...from other people. Don’t worry too much,geez...”What a lie. Of course Julian was at this party despite Erins advice not to go. If his parents only knew...well then...he would be under lockdown anyways. It felt like breaking out for once and being just as cool as Mark!...maybe not as cool..yeah. But it was the first step for the others to accept him and think that Julian wasn’t an emo guy! Hey! One of the others even offered him a beer. Dude,alcohol...at his age? But he couldn’t say no or else the young boy would’ve been a damn chicken.And after that many things were just blurry. Did he drink a little more than that? or did the other kids offer him different things?Did he end up doing something...bad? Embarrassing?All Julian knew was the next day he was laying in his bed and his clothes smelled weird. It was already 11am but his parents were out of the house. The smell of coffee was still lingering in the air. Thank god it was or he would’ve puked from the mix of beer and cigarette smell.The black haired opened his eyes that morning,firstly a confused look on his face as he stared at the ceiling until he began to smile.So that was his first real party experience...despite..him not really remembering anything. The day could finally start! No...his whole life could finally start and the others would like him! Maybe he should change his clothes a little?Work out? Drink more often so he wouldn’t forget what was happening the last night. But while Julian was sitting on his desk,trying to write down a list of what to do in the future, he remembered Erin’s words and got a little nervous. How would she react to his little adventure on the weekend? She wasn’t the kind of person who liked all that...nor if other people were suffering because of others or themselves.“Ehh...gotta think of some good excuse...”Good excuse? Maybe not...she knew when he was lying. He needed a REALLY good story to cover his tracks here. So he sent the whole weekend thinking of a good story,but then again got sidetracked by other things that were more important to him. That new episode of the show he started to watch,a special sale of his favorite snacks at the store across the street.Then in the evening,his parents got home and drank their usual glass of wine on saturday,started giggling over stories from the week and his mother was cooking dinner. They didn’t even seem to notice that he was gone? On the table nobody said a word about it.Upsetting...they didn’t even notice...Unfortunately,Erin was a little more interested than his parents were and his flimsy excuses were only upsetting her more...Whatever..he just wanted a little fun...couldn’t she understand that?