#eris&rick

[elpida]

can we discuss what happened between us? (Listen I want this at the start more or less with all the confusion of Rick hahaha - for eris)

"We can discuss it." Eris commented, she looked smaller when she was out of her uniform, somehow it seemed to add an inch or two of height to her. Maybe it was that she stood taller, or maybe she only looked more dainty when she was on her back, arching her spin and pushing her hips down. "Walk and talk Grimes, places to be." she wasn't purposefully being cold, she was always brutally cut throat like that. "What do you wish to discuss? We fucked and I left the moment you fell asleep. I don't really understand what more there is to it than that."

"I don't know what you want me to say Rick, sex is sex, gets rid of the tension. We barely get along on a good day." that wasn't true, when they really had to work together they made a brilliant time, sometimes too good but either way she was walking with that sass in her step, the type that made most of the crew, terrified over her attitude. "It was a stress relief, I'm a-okay with that and you should be too." Heaven forbid she let anyone in, heaven forbid she let anyone think she gave a damn about them or a shred of care at all.

"Is it that you want an ego boost? It was one of the better I've had if that makes you feel better about it." She was playing it down, if she were perfectly truthful he was the best fuck she'd ever had, one of the only men to get her to genuinely orgasm and fuck it felt good to have someone else touch her but part of this attitude? Part of her anger? It was because she'd let him, she'd let his hands be all over her and she loved it, she loved it and hated it because how could she do that? Eris knew that no hands were safe, but she'd let him learn every inch of her flesh. She was frustrated at herself for letting her guard down, it made her feel weak and she had to feel in control. "I heard Abigail in dining really fancies the hell out of you if you're looking to get yourself some relief again Grimes."

[elpida]

❛  please don't make me say it. saying it is gonna make it real and i'm not sure i'm ready for that yet.  ❜ (for Eris)

"How can you-- not ready for that?" the hurt was evident in Eris' voice, and she physically recoiled back. "It's her right? Any other time you'd.... Rick you'd have wanted me to say it so many times and now the one time I'll say it.. the one time, and you're not ready?" that hurt expressions shifted into insulted. She knew what she thought, it was obvious how it looked. "It's because Michonne is here. It's because she came with you, that is why you don't want me to say it and you know what?" he jaw tensed. "Fine."

All of that hurt, the frustration, it boiled up it turned into the venomous part of her that she wasn't part of and it just erupted. She pointed her finger and gestured off to wherever Michonne was. "Go be with your wife, your fucking wife." she scoffed. "See what I care when you're swanning about with her and she's making eyes at you every two seconds. I'm sure you'll enjoy her saying the words, pouring them out to you every two seconds." she started to pace, still in full uniform and then pointed again at the door. "Go on! Go to her, go let her confess her undying love and throw herself at you because it's driving me mad, it makes me sick how she oggles you and and-.. and berates you, belittles you. Don't you see that?!" she didn't mean to raise her voice, but she said from the very day he came back.. she did not do well with jealousy.

[elpida]

❛  you don't have to say anything, i understand. and i want you to know that i feel the same way.  ❜ (for Eris)

"Rick.." she started, standing with her door held open and watching him, her brows raised in very clear judgement. "Have you been drinking? Scrap that, not a question, you've been drinking. You are drunk." That was entirely how Eris knew that she couldn't take any confession or thing he said right now, entirely serious. "God Rick, how much have you had to drink?" she sighed, pushing a hand through her hair. She was already out of uniform and wearing what she always slept in. A pair of tight black shorts and an oversized t-shirt. She wasn't fussy, any t-shirt would do but she favoured this one with it's cheesy 'california sunshine' sprawled across it with a sunny horizon and sea, it was heavily faded now but you could tell it was the type of t-shirt a tourist would buy.

"I do have to say everything, the first being get your drunk ass in here." she didn't have a lot of sympathy when it came to someone being drunk, and the last thing she would listen to was a confession, he loved her.. but it was love that came with alcohol consumption. "Take your clothes off, you need a cold shower, a tall glass of water and to sleep it off." she was blunt and too the point and trying to ignore that any other circumstances and she'd have.. god she'd have yearned for that confession, she'd have been so desperate to hear it an believe it but she'd spent too many years growing up with the lies of alcohol, to believe it under the influence.

"That wasn't a request, it was an order. Take your clothes off Grimes." she sighed and made her way to the bathroom to get the shower running and made sure it was on a colder temperature than usual. It'd help sober him up. He loved her, but he hadn't fully meant it, he'd said it, but was it just impulsive thought? She sighed and gesture her arm to the open shower curtain. "Come on, we'll get you dried off after and comfy, okay?" she paused. "Did you say anything to anyone on your way here, about me?" I need you to be really specific with me on that Rick. I'll go handle it if you did."

[elpida]

“ were you really about to leave without saying goodbye? ” (for eris)

"That was the plan?" she whispered. She'd thought about a letter but.. it'd take time and her chance at going was now, right now. "Rick I have a chance to get out, would you really stay for me and not take the chance? Would you hunt me out to say goodbye?" Eris spoke quickly, her eyes darting into the distance. Even if she didn't get her shot, it was still technically them deploying her and if she made it back, if it was a failed attempt it'd still be time apart without a goodbye.

"I have to take the chance, I have to go and try." her breath was a bit deeper, flustered. She stared at him, her head tilting slightly because she was trying to understand what emotion he was feeling right now. "Are you mad at me for not saying goodbye?" She'd be angry.. if he left, if she never got to... no she wouldn't say that either way, she couldn't. She'd never ask him to stay for her but at the same time... not being able to say how much he'd saved her in their time here?

"If it goes wrong, then I'll be back next week... I know its a week you can't watch my back but it's fine, I'll be fine, and if I get out I'll.." she swallowed thickly. "I'll do my damn best to get you out." She'd been keeping a mark of places they flew out to, crossing off every mission, tracking them so if she ever got out without him, then she'd be able to predict their movements and maybe she'd find him, maybe she'd manage. "I can do this, we can do this, it's what we've worked for Rick." there was a shout in the distance, the call for last troops boarding to fly. "I have to try." and then she changed, she put the mask back on. No more Rick and Eris, it was Grimes and Amorello and that's who spoke with the curt "Take care, Grimes."

[elpida]

[ come back ] receiver took their hand away, so sender reaches for it a second time, taking it back and refusing to let go (for eris)

She was going to walk away. That was the sensible thing to do because there wasn't any room for feelings at the end of the world or the shit show they'd found themselves caught up in. She'd had a little to drink, they both had, it eased the day and truly there wasn't a thing in this place that Eris couldn't get her hands on. She was a sneaky devil, small enough and nimble enough to get into the small places, to sneak and be unheard.

Her breath had deepened, it wasn't smart... god it really wasn't smart, but weren't they just two... lost people? Weren't they the seemingly only two people that got it? This wasn't the happy ending, this wasn't freedom, this wasn't what life was meant to be and yet here they were. Wanting what the rest of the world had when the rest of the world wanted to be in their shoes.

Most people would've let her hide away, flinch away and said nothing, done nothing. They'd have left it be what it was but he didn't let her.. he took her hand and didn't let her pull it back, even when she want to. She swallowed thickly, looking up at him and then to their hands, pulled closer by them. Touch wasn't... well it wasn't her norm, it wasn't... she didn't know touch to not be.. brutality. What he was doing? The way he held her hand in the most considerate way? He wasn't crushing her fingers, there was no twisting and that is what she'd braced for. She was waiting, staring in that wait to see her arm be bent backwards or manoeuvred to leave her fearing that her bones would snap.

There was none of it and that's what had her release a slow exhale, the heavy breath she had held. "Rick." her voice was almost a warning. "You know that we shouldn't.." but oh, she wanted to. Was that so bad? To want just for a little bit? Every had steam to blow off.. that's what it could be, right? Slowly and god it was slow, she let her muscles relax rather than be so stiff in his arms. "...If we did, it's nothing more. Do we agree on that?" She had her daughter to prioritise. Keeping her daughter safe had to come first, always.

[elpida]

💍 (for eris. BUT LISTEN: her finding it during their time in Alexandria 😏)

Eris and Emily were the one thing here that'd clicked instantly. There was no greater moment than Eris, standing back at those gates, she'd waited behind Rick and Michonne, hung back just so she had chance to really look at her girl, to adore her visually, to see her.. and Eris had looked like hell, it'd been a long journey. She wouldn't admit how tired she was, how her feet ached, how she craved a shower that day, but she dropped down to her knees when that little girl ran at her and was so ready to catch her and hold on to her like she'd never be prepared to let her go again. It was plain to see how much Emily adored her Mother, Ma as she said. Emily had wanted to show her everything, hold her hand and guide her around all of Alexandria.

The way she introduced herself to Judith was very different, she did not crouch to her knees, she instead offered her hand and treated Judith more like an adult. "Eris Amorello, you must be Judith Grimes? It is nice to meet you, Judith." in some way, she just knew she wanted to be treated with more maturity. Then there was Steve... seeing him gave her dread and he.. well he did not run and hug her, he simply patted her arm and that was that. That was that... for that moment, she knew it wouldn't be it.

Settling in however, was not as easy as she imagined it'd be. Eris found herself to be restless, constantly waiting for a call to action and she didn't know how to tell Rick that.. adjusting from not being at the CRM wasn't exactly... coming easily. She wanted to be constantly guarding that wall. There should be more people guarding it, clearing walkers, making sure- it was constant and wouldn't leave her. What Eris had done though, was make a hell of an impression at being capable.. the first day here and she didn't lounge around merrily and rest, she went out there, weapons at the ready, prepared to keep this community safe and prove herself. She wanted no excuse to be left alone with Steve. Steve that'd already started with hushed remarks and taunts, pulls of her wrist or arm when nobody was looking. He wanted to remind her that when it came to him, he had control in front of their daughter. He noticeably didn't speak to her kindly either.

She was restless again tonight, enough that she got up, checked Emily was fast asleep and when she reached for a jacket, she took Ricks by accident. It was a simple mistake she reached into the pocket and found the box, it felt vintage and couldn't help but open the velvet container and... her heart swelled seeing the ring. It was so simple, yet perfectly her. A ruby, his fiery girl, surrounded b delicate gold, this... well it had to be for her right? Did that mean? Suddenly her heart was pounding. He was serious. He wanted to marry her. He... what if it was for Michonne? What if it wasn't for her at all? Eris pulled the jacket off and put it back, like she'd never known and rather than grab hers she just left with her heart thumping her ribcage.

There was a spot on the wall she favoured, not by the main gate, it was quiet to the back, you could see a whole horizon of stars, that's why she liked it up on that little watch tower, looking out, it felt freeing. She kept pacing, arms around herself because she hadn't actually realised how cold it was, or even that she was shivering after pacing for an hour. Back and fourth, the same thoughts. If it was for her... if Rick wanted her to be his wife, Steve wasn't going to have that. It'd be too out of his control, and what about the place? What if these people decided she was too much? She knew she could be full on, direct... despite how brazen she was, she liked a few of them. Carol made her laugh. Daryl, she appreciated his few words approach. She didn't like Gabriel, or at least she'd said that the idea of what he preached was 'fucking ridiculous' in their day and age. What if those people, didn't want Rick taking her as a wife? Then again, hadn't they welcomed Emily so openly? They'd taken care of her like their own so... so would she be different? Her teeth chattered together with the cold. Eris Amorello Grimes. She kept thinking it, maybe that.. maybe just Eris Grimes, wife. She'd simply be his wife.

[elpida]

You said not to fall for you. Did you change your mind? (For Eris)

"Nope." she answered back promptly. She seemed off today, more angry than usual. "Don't fall for me, god if you did that'd be awkward." she didn't mean that, she was tired... she was really tired and this was the second night now she'd not been able to sleep and then it hit.. Eris had.. Eris had been drinking? She'd never so much as picked up a bottle before, never dared to unscrew the lid and yet right now she was absolutely and utterly drunk. She'd spilled a little down her tight black shirt, christ she still had the bottle in her hand and that showed... just quite how much she'd drank. "'Coz who'd ever fall for me huh? Who'd fall for- for vicious fucking Amorello. I've heard what they say! I've heard all of it- guard dog, they say I'm like a guard dog that I bite." she made a move to swig some more. Something had upset her because she'd never normally reach for alcohol.

It'd started with a nightmare and then from that the stress started piling on, a new mission, new briefings, movement here and there and then this new name that apparently just tipped her over. "That I bite... me." she pushed her hand through her hair, it was down.. god she looked like a vision of flames with her hair down, nobody normally got that luxury aside from Rick. Soft and bouncing waves, a deep and fire touched red. People used to pay money to get Eris' natural hair colour, that deep and rich auburn. "And that's not fair! That's not fair because I bite but- but I don't mean to bite. Why would I?" see normally she'd not be bothered but to say someone bit, in a world where a bite meant death was.. something else, a different form of cruelty. They were essentially saying she was a jynx, a death wish on anyone she was near. For what? For the fact she was defensive?

"Maybe I should bite! Hell have they seen, have they seen what I've been through- the scars that I carry?!" she was pacing, back and fourth yet she had this wobble.. but she wasn't putting that goddamn bottle down, slurring every couple of words. He mentioned falling for her but she was the one falling. "I didn't ask for any of it!" she panted, getting that anger out when she was like this, was like seeing a whole other side. "I didn't ask for.. for any of it." she panted, falling back against the wardrobe messily and sinking her back down it. "So- So how could anyone, anyone fall for me huh? Changed mind or not how could you ever, how could anyone look at me and not see the scars, or a guard dog that bites or- or me. How could anyone see me, and choose to... want me. Why?" she asked suddenly, reaching for the screw of that bottle again. "Why doesn't... Why doesn't anyone pick me? Why doesn't anyone want me?"

[elpida]

❛ i would let you rip me apart if it meant loving you. ❜ (for eris)

"What you can say that, and you can't just say it plain and simple? I. Love. You. I love you!" her hands did half the talking for her as they always did, a gesturing to him from her heart. they were out, out and travelling home or what would be her new home and Eris still hadn't said it, they'd still not addressed it but Michonne was as close to them as ever. "I love you." she breathed it out heavily, the moon shining in the city off in the distance, a fallen city, either half bombed or overgrown.

"You'd let me tear you apart for loving me, if that was the cost, but we can't just say it? Am I that... Is it that I'm cruel or unapproachable? Do you think I'd not let you tear me apart too? Piece by piece? You can tear my heart out if you want, you can have it, have it and tear it up, throw it to the wind if you want but.. but if any part f you, might be able to love it back?" she swallowed thickly. Why? Why was she doing this? Was she just spiralling again because some part of her missed their room, their bed in that city they were putting behind them? Part of her wished that she could curl into a bed that smelled like him, sheets they'd tangle in, alone, flirtatious looks in meetings and everything between it. It'd turned into having each others backs and making sure they had rations, enough to get by, that they would both get home.

"Tear me apart instead Rick, tear me apart.. please. because if you can't say it then I'm not sure my heart can love again.. just tear me apart." slowly she sank down, her knees on the concrete of the roof they stood on and she watched the skylight, hand moving to rub her eyes. "It'd be okay, if it was you tearing me apart you know?"