I told one of the organizers this yesterday, so let's put it on public record: WEEHU 2017 was my last WEEHU. If you know me, the reasons won't surprise you.
When awareness of Headcrash's consent violations and sexual abuse of play partners, and @panavatar's defense of that behavior by gaslighting and attacking those who reported it, became common knowledge I responded to it as I often do to highly emotionally-charged conflicts -- by trying to be the most reasonable person in the room. I listened to everyone on all sides of the issue and did my best to support the people involved without condoning the vile acts at their root or asking anyone who was harmed by Headcrash to forgive him. In the case of Headcrash and @panavatar, this was with the understanding that the abuse and the reprisals against the survivors of his abuse would stop and that they wanted to earn their way back into the community. Which leads directly to ...
Reason 1: The abuse hasn't stopped.
I learned recently of an incident this calendar year in which Headcrash negotiated a scene with someone and then proceeded to ignore negotiated limits and boundaries. @panavatar interceded to try and prevent the abused person from going public, gaslight them into doubting their position, and essentially forced them to choose between being loyal to their long-term partner and being loyal to Headcrash and his group. Yes, exactly what some in the community have come to call The Headcrash Pattern.
I happen to agree with @panavatar about the value of what's sometimes called "restorative justice" -- that is, finding a path for people who have offended or harmed others to make amends and earn their way back into the community. Though sexual assault is not something I'd apply that to, the concept is reasonable for lesser offenses. But an absolute, non-negotiable prerequisite for that has to be contrition and an immedate end to the problem behavior. You don't get to keep harming people and expect to be forgiven.
Reason 2: WEEHU is no longer a community event
While I was at WEEHU this year, @panavatar and others made remarks at the commencement referring to WEEHU as its own community, or family, and how wonderful it is to be part of that family. There was no acknowledgement (other than a brief mention of NEEHU by Mephki) that any other events or community groups exist, despite the number of non-local attendees and new (first hypnocon) people. I'm human, and therefore as subject to confirmation bias as anyone else, but to me it sounded eerily like cult language -- designed to create a strong exclusive attachment to the group and its leaders. That made me uneasy at the very start.
During the con, the feeling among people with prior WEEHU experience was that while they were enjoying themselves, this WEEHU had an unsettling air about it. Some described it as "circling the drain" or "siege mentality". I felt some of that myself, as I noted how easy it was to walk through the main hallway during what should have been peak traffic periods, and how the play spaces went virtually unused during party hours. And since I was quietly excluded from the tasks I had volunteered for -- before-con data processing help and DM duty -- I had plenty of free time to look around, count noses, chat with people about their con experience, and warn the newbies against playing with Headcrash.
After the con, one of the organizers approached me in the parking lot to discuss a personal matter and confirmed for me that yes, the WEEHU team's attitude toward the rest of the community is one of "Fuck them, they hate us anyway" rather than seeking to make amends and rejoin it. That conversation finalized my decision for me and made a lot easier to compose this post.
My loyalty has always been to the erotic hypnosis community, and WEEHU has deliberately chosen to secede from that community. But if WEEHU isn't for the community anymore, what's its purpose?
Reason 3: WEEHU exists primarily to benefit Headcrash
@panavatar's remarks to @jukeboxemcsa earlier this month, which I finally read on the plane home, make it very clear that WEEHU's primary purpose is to give Headcrash an opportunity to present. This is more important than getting high-quality, well-known presenters such as @ladyruetha. Headcrash needs WEEHU for that because he's been banned from so many other hypnosis and BDSM groups for consent violations and worse that other opportunities are scarce.
While the WEEHU team do an excellent job of providing for their attendees' needs -- snacks, group events, and emotional support "troubleshooters" in case something goes wrong -- @panavatar’s remarks suggest that the attendees are important mostly so that Headcrash can present to them. Some have also suggested that Headcrash uses WEEHU as a honey pot to attract new play partners; I can't speak to that with any direct knowledge, but if it's true that also supports the idea that WEEHU exists to enable Headcrash.
We now have a full year until the next WEEHU. As a community, we need to do everything we can to make sure people are aware that WEEHU is not affiliated with the greater erotic hypnosis community, exists to enable and legitimize a known predator, and is NOT the only way for people in the western US to learn about erotic hypnosis.
