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first date thinking up names for your kids is pussy shit, first date I carve you open and implant a tracking chip and a bomb, are you rocking with me or not

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I’ve been less active on here because honestly I haven’t needed it as much. I’m still mentally ill and disabled and deal with intermittent episodes (which you can probably track from activity spikes lol) and generally insane but I don’t feel like a maelstrom of despair as often

like I can’t leave the house on my own or talk to people offline let alone have a job or “normal” life but I am alive. I’ve stopped self harm completely, I’m far less suicidal, I don’t get as many panic attacks, I can complete small tasks and work towards passion projects even if it’s slow and sloppy work. I don’t like myself but I don’t loathe myself the same way I used to

when I was younger I used to avoid a room for weeks after seeing a bug there. just yesterday I killed one on my own

I am never going to be healthy or neurotypical but when freed from that punishing standard of “better” I CAN improve