#eshers

[longingtolovehim]

one hundred & fourteen

in the midst of the self melting away, in the between the clock ticking. living with an emptiness, an anxiety a a a fear. self-hatred & blame. a strand, or two of depressive states. the unknown. hatred from Them. sick with scared of the time i cannot or may not ever see

somehow still Nitnem [at the right pehr]. still Santhia. still Nitnem [as often as You make me remember]. still Darshan. still this Roop, but even more defined. still Us but Closer & still feeling alone through loathing, just less.

[longingtolovehim]

one hundred & ten

when there is so much pain

i will remember your name

-

when there is so much joy

i will remember your name

[longingtolovehim]

one hundred & five

do the jaap &

breathe the jaap &

trust the jaap,

believe in the jaap,

believe in the ardaas

&

do the jaap. & when the jaap is over, do another one & then another until

your whole heartbeat becomes the jaap

because the jaap will heal you. it will take you closer to your guru. it will make sukh & dukh one. it will make you content with hukam. it will bring you discipline. it will bring you seva & sangat [ of the saints too ]. it will keep you in their saran. your rehit with strengthen. your giaan will increase. you’ll become more tyar par tyar every time you repeat the words. you become kinder but sharper than you’ve ever been.

do the jaap. without it, life becomes empty, the soul loses purpose & the attachments of the world will strengthen. & you will fall apart before you’ve allowed Him in to support you. trust it.

[longingtolovehim]

one hundred & one

I got plans but ain't got the Energies to back it. my frequency is at a low & i'm losing the drive to move forward because i'm not paying enough attention to my Guru in the way I know I need to

[longingtolovehim]

ninety nine

maharaaj You saved me

[longingtolovehim]

ninety

the Love that wakes your soul at 2am, is the Love that's worth chasing.

[longingtolovehim]

eighty nine

take control of your own jeevan. don’t let kaljug influence you. seek guidance of guroo maharaaj only and trust in their plan; this khed is too painful to attempt winning alone.

[longingtolovehim]

eighty one

I’m so unworthy to sing Your praises but it’s our life mission to know what it means to ‘give your head’ - truly, to implement this wholeheartedly. to strive to make You smile through every breath, the willingness to constantly learn and let no struggle stop us from doing so. to practice gursikhi in the way You left it for us – pick up where You left off, become a part of the khalsa from the core to the exterior. let Your blood burst the veins of this body so there’s absolutely nothing left. there will be no I – these worldy desires should fade but never the desire to harmonise with akaal purkh. You’ve taught us so much through every janam, to be better, to be a warrior and fight for Love. never stop fighting. never back down. be righteous through your actions. do your bhagthi. learn and learn and learn and do so by putting the soul first, by putting the justice + protection of others above all. the balance of high and low, between ego and confidence. You’re it - the perfect being. may our conversations never end – the dialogue is constant – You listen at 11pm, You never stop listening. You’re the Light of this soul. I love You in the way that crushes all other love stories. Father. to think You made us Your child. You chose us from the moment You placed this spirit in the sees. may Your golden arrows pierce every heart string, every strand in the mind. empty us. fill us with Love.