Happy Holidays (again) my fellow Escaflowne fans! It’s that special time of year again where we post our ESS entries @esca-ss
This year my ESS gift(s) are for the lovely @drkstars-art This is the sfw entry.
Word Count - 1,295. Characters - Jajuka & Celena. Summary - Slight canon divergence in that Jajuka survives. This is just a little thought I had about how Jajuka & Celena might interact in the early days of her transformation, had Jajuka survived. It’s a little bit sad. It actually ended in a different way but I thought this year has been awful, so I decided to give it a more hopeful ending which reflects how I feel.
Jajuka looks at the sun on the horizon, dusk is fast approaching and he knows how Allen likes to have Celena in before dark.
“Celena, come, it’s time to go home.”
“Home….” Celena repeats as she looks up at him.
Home, it’s a word so common, a word that is familiar to her and yet it doesn’t seem to register. It isn’t a word with which she has had much acquaintance and so it meant next to nothing to her.
The look of curiosity which Celena gave him, pierced Jajuka’s heart, as one who was her guardian he felt he had failed in nearly every aspect but here he had a chance to redeem himself, to make things right.
Her mind was as curious as it had been when she was younger, her fingers danced in the air as she grasped at petals falling from nearby trees and followed birds in flight. She’s still living in a dream Jajuka thought.
She seemed so small back then, but even now he worried about how her story would continue. At how she would hold herself or whether she would always be this kind, this naive, unaware…so much like a doll.
It felt now as if there was a void between them, larger than it was than when Dilandau was in Celena’s place. It felt like a liminal space and Jajuka didn’t know how to fill it with life once again.
“Come,” he said again and held out his hand.
“Home?” Celena said again.
Jajuka nodded, “Home, Allen will be waiting for us.”
Celena took Jajuka’s hand but the expression she wore was one of concentration and pain as she stared up at the sky. Her mouth was moving though it remained closed, her lips miming letters, trying to recall something that must have been on the tip of her tongue. A memory from a long time ago.
As she looked up at the few clouds which remained in the sky, tinted pink by the dying of the day, her lips stopped moving as she forgot what they were just saying. With her free arm she pointed up towards the sky at the birds which circled above the fields, “Crows.” The way she spoke was so dreamy and soft.
Her expression changed suddenly, a violent reflex and flash of red in her eyes, “Allen Schezar….” Dilandau’s voice broke through and the look of confusion on Celena’s face cut Jajuka to the core.
He pulled her in quickly, holding her to his chest and hummed softly. She fell still in his arms and when he heard her yawn he took this as a sign that it was safe to let her go again.
“Jajuka, I am so tired, take me home.”
He wanted to tell her that everything would be okay and that all she needed was a good night’s sleep. While both of these things were technically true, there was so much more he wanted to say to her. He wanted to explain everything that happened and reassure her that in time as long as they continued to take baby steps she would feel more like herself again. But even the process of beginning to explain such things to her was something that made Jajuka feel afraid.
He felt responsible for her and that included not only her safety, but her happiness also.
When Celena was around Allen she remembered more of who she was before. Glimpses of her past, her parents, her days playing in the summer sun would come flooding back to her. But there were moments when those memories came back too fast and she would feel overwhelmed by them. Confused between what was real and what wasn’t.
Jajuka had purchased her a diary which she wrote in most days, it helped to keep track of her memories and where she was in her recovery. Though Allen doubted if she would ever truly recover or that Dilandau would be completely removed from her mind, they did what they could to keep the peace and to keep her safe.
Van kept his distance for that precise reason, afraid that too much contact with her would bring Dilandau back.
“Jajuka?” Celena said looking across at him.
Her voice stirred him from his thoughts and he offered her a reassuring smile.
“Where is Chesta? And Gatti, Miguel…” she paused for a moment knowing there were other names too but they were proving more difficult to recall.”
These were names which made Jajuka feel nervous, a nauseous wave which caused bile to rise. It wasn’t because he was afraid that remembering the names of the Dragonslayers would bring Dilandau back or cause Celena’s recovery to slow. It was more from guilt that he felt that way, a terrible sadness that no amount of time could ever vanquish.
They were the memories that would never be, the years that Celena would never get back or the better life he could have had if he hadn’t been made to serve Zaibach.
Celena tugged on his arm, “Are they coming for tea?”
Jajuka furrowed his brows, forgetting for a moment what she’d said, “Chesta and the others are they coming for tea tonight? I do so miss them.”
That guilt, that sadness was a small price to pay he thought, in order that he may see that bright young girl happy again.
As she waited for Jajuka to answer she knitted her brows together and nervously ran her hand through her hair, “Wait…Chesta, Gatti….they’re not here anymore are they?” She asked, her eyes lowered towards the grass.
Jajuka placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, “No Celena, they’re not…I’m so sorry.”
When she looked up there were tears in her eyes though she could barely remember the people whose names she just spoke or why it elicited such sadness in her. She jumped up onto a small rock that was next to them and kissed Jajuka’s cheek, “But I still have you?”
Warmth spread throughout Jajuka, “Yes little lady, you still have me.”
It was then that he heard what he considered to be the greatest sound in existence. Celena was laughing and as she jumped down from the rock she pulled away from him. She looked at him for a second and on turning started running down the hill, “Come on Jajuka!” She shouted back at him.
He let out a low chuckle and a growl as he chased her, “I’ll race you to dinner!”
“You’ll never beat me!” She shouted back, her dress and hair blowing in the wind as she ran towards the castle.
Jajuka realised for the first time that she was less of a girl now and becoming a woman. It suited her and the darkness which seemed to follow her around was subsiding somewhat.
Perhaps most of the fear surrounding her and her future came from Jajuka himself, he was spending too much time thinking about a painful past and worrying about the future that he was barely living in the moment.
He re-lived these awful moments in his mind instead of looking at the girl in front of him, the girl he’d helped save and the good life, the better life he had secured for himself.
There was happiness in the future, of this he was certain and no amount of nightmares from the past could take that from any of them. Yes would be blips, there would come moments of unbearable pain when glimpses of Dilandau would appear, when nightmares would savage Celena’s dreams and she would be inconsolable for those moments in time.
But he would be there by her side to comfort her in those moments of darkness and help her to see the light ahead.
