In my opinion the way this situation was handled publicly and in the media was not just; and is pushing a false narrative.
It was an awful crime committed, the perpetrator being a disgusting; deprived individual. But it's just not realistic to "change men" as men aren't inherently rapists.
We shouldn't be demonizing the ideology of teaching women to be careful, to be vigilant. That doesn't mean that these awful things won't happen, but we should work in preventing them. It's not enough to just "teach men not to rape."
Australia isn't a country where we except or condone rape, assault or murder. Decent people know not to commit these crimes, it is already common to teach proper morals; the law recognizes this as a crime and this whole idea that women shouldn't have to be afraid to walk at night or alone is a dangerous ideology; everyone should be taught how to stay safe.
Eurydice Dixons death was an awful thing and she was taken too soon, and she did nothing to deserve this. But I will not agree that we live in a rape culture; we shouldn't blame men for the actions of one and we shouldn't discourage being cautious.
It's a very controversial subject but I really do think that it's disgusting how they twisted this narrative; the police officials in charge were sending the right message by saying that EVERYONE be cautious and avoid walking alone or at night. I know that there are exceptions and that this isn't a end all solution but it's better than demonizing men into believing they are all disgusting rapist scum. We need to encourage safety for our people and respect for the victim and her family.
This is not a pretty Instagram post. It's a necessary one. On Tuesday night Eurydice Dixon, a 22 year old comedian, was walking home through a popular park in Melbourne when a man took it upon himself to rape and kill her. The next day a woman close to me told me I should probably not walk by myself anymore, work out at home or at the gym instead to be safe. This woman had the best intentions of course; and bless her for caring about me, but her words of caution are all too familiar for the women of Australia, and locking ourselves away is not the answer. We are sick to death of hearing that we "need to take responsibility for our safety" "hold your keys between your fingers" "text me when you get home safe" "don't wear that, say that, dance like that, just in case someone gets the wrong idea". 1 Australian woman is killed each week...every WEEK! from violent men, usually who they are living with or close to. Something needs to be done, something needs to change. Laws need changing, attitudes need changing, men's behaviour needs changing, good men need to stand up and call out their peers. This "locker room" talk and violence towards women is not ok. A woman's behaviour is not the problem! "Not walking alone" isn't the answer! Times are a-changing. #standup #eurydicedixon #ripeurydice #itsnotok #timesup #domesticviolence #violenceagainstwomen #donttellmewhattodo (at Brisbane, Queensland, Australia)
I hate that women cannot walk the fucking streets and get home alive. I hate that we are harassed, assaulted, raped and killed by strangers. By the ones we love. By our family. By our friends. By authority. By the people who are supposed to care about us. By our lovers.
It hurts me so much that every woman has a story, all of us.
Every woman is effected. Whether it’s a personal experience or someone they know. We all have stories and it’s so fucked up, yet so normal for us.
It fucking shouldn’t be.
I’m shaking while writing this, because I’m just so upset and full of rage.
Growing up, there was a male in my family who was often nasty and aggressive to me. Physically it hurt but the names he called me hurt more. But I guess, this is normal, right?
When I was younger and boys were rough in the playground, I’d often hear adults tell me “oh it means they like you!”. I genuinely believed that.
As a kid, I’d hear sport teachers ridicule boys by saying “you throw like a girl!”. But hey, you don’t think much of it.
I remember one time when I was only 13 years old, an older boy wolf-whistled at me when I was walking into the petrol station with my dad. That was my first real-life, uncomfortable experience. My dad shouted at him, and the boys mother said “he’s only 16!” to which my dad replied, “and she’s only 13!”. Boys will be boys, right?!
Growing into a teenager, you start to notice lingering eyes. Men staring you up and down, grinning eerily. I remember walking to the bus stop at 14 years old, and having men in cars beep their horns, roll down their windows, whistle at me, yell out awful things, sometimes follow me. I never said much about it though, because it was kinda, normal, right? That’s just what guys do? We should take it as a compliment!
When I was 15, I caught the attention of a boy who ended up being in and out of my life for years. He was aggressive and intimidating... but no one ever said anything. In public, around all his friends, he would unclip girls bras, grab them from behind, slap their asses. No one ever said anything, though... because it was just a boy being a boy.
I started working at Coles when I was 16. Here I copped the most disgusting comments. So many men would comment on my looks, my body shape, my hair, my eyes. I know the difference between a genuine compliment and a guy being a fucking creep, and they were fucking creeps. One 40 year old guy asked me out to drinks after my shift. “I’m 16.” I replied. “That doesn’t matter love!”
There was one older man who always came in to see me. He would come right up in front of me and pull my hand close while talking to me. I would always struggle so much to free myself of his grip. “Please don’t touch me” I’d say nicely, careful not to offend him. He would ignore my plea.
I always felt so fearful catching the bus home, as I was terrified of a certain guy who was always on it. I’ll never forget the time he sat in front of me, with his head turned around, staring me up and down. His eyes were fixated on my skirt, then at my legs, then at my chest, then at my face. He sat directly in front of me, with his body turned so he could get a good view, for the entire bus ride. I felt fucking sick to my stomach.
On my 18th birthday, a guy grabbed my ass in a club and then smiled at me, like he didn’t just completely violate my body. I was told “it’s not a big deal, it happens all the time.”
The fact someone could touch my body and think that is okay... fucking terrifies me.
One time, when I was 18, the bus driver started hitting on me. No fucking joke. I was the only one on the bus, it was a little bit late and my phone was dead, so I was already nervous. He asked me how old I was and commented on how much of an age difference there was between us. He told me he thought I was beautiful. I thanked him, but then he started to get fucking weird. He said that if he was my boyfriend he would ‘do so many nice things’ for me. He told me he’d buy me a phone and a car. He told me he would ‘look after me’. He told me he ‘had experience’ because he was older.
He then stopped the bus, got out of the bus and asked me to put my number in his phone, while he stood outside the door. I declined, but he asked again. I got up from my seat and put a fake number in his phone. My hands were shaking. He was still standing outside talking to me. He told me he wanted to take me out on a date. He even started talking about his fucking sex life.
The whole time I smiled, gently reminded him I had a boyfriend and sat quietly so as not to anger him. Once he finally dropped me off at the stop, my boyfriend was waiting there. I started bawling my eyes out while my boyfriend yelled at me for being late. Eventually he apologised and pretended like he was angry about how I was treated. “Did you tell him you had a boyfriend?!”.
When I got back home I told my Dad about what happened, he called up the company. They said that they could tell I felt uncomfortable in the footage. Then they said, however, that they didn’t hear him say majority of the things I said he did. They didn’t hear him asking for my number, as he walked outside the bus when he asked for it. They even said that the bus driver would like to CALL ME TO APOLOGISE. What the fuck?????? Why the fuck would they think that’s appropriate?
He only got a fucking warning.
When I’d go clubbing with my partner, it was always interesting to see how guys would react. One time I sat on a chair, waiting for him while he was up at the bar and some guy put his arm around me. I tried to push his arm away, but he didn’t move until I pointed to my boyfriend. He moved away instantly, then shook his hand as if to say he was sorry for disrespecting another man’s property.
That same boyfriend was the boy I dated for nearly 2 years. He was my first boyfriend.
When his hand forcefully collided with my body the first time, I forgave him, because I loved him. When he spat on my face, I forgave him. He cried in my arms because he felt so sorry. He told me he’d never do it again.
When I felt his knuckle land on the back of my head...I forgave him, because I loved him. Being in a toxic relationship was almost normal, anyway. My friends and I would laugh at how fucked up our relationships all were, but we all knew it wasn’t okay. A lot of my friends were stuck in emotionally/physically abusive relationships at that time too.
At 20, I decided enough was enough. It took me months and months to finally gain the courage.
After our relationship ended, I’d often hear things like, “it was your own fault for staying with him.”
When he cheated on me, I heard things like “That’s not surprising. What did you expect? You knew he did it once.”
“You shouldn’t have stayed with him.”
I was made to feel so stupid.
At nearly 21, just the other week, I was alone for 5 minutes out the front of 7/11 after being out clubbing, waiting to be picked up. Three guys surrounded me while I was sitting down. We talked, they seemed nice. They asked how my night had been and I joked that I’d had way too much to drink, so I was calling it a night.
“Come home with us then.” One of the guys said. I politely declined.
“Nah, come home with me, trust me, seriously.” He begged.
“No thankyou!” I said, uncomfortably. He then grabbed my wrist “no, come with me” he pleaded again. I raised my voice and asked him not to touch me, as I pulled my wrist away from him. His friends didn’t say a thing.
There’s a lot more I could go into, but I’ve written enough. Some women’s stories are short, some are endless - we’ve all been through something. Even if it’s something like a guy wolf-whistling at you... it shouldn’t be treated as normal. That is not okay.
Something else that scares me is that this is just the story of a white woman in Australia. Imagine being a w.o.c, too. Imagine what it’s like for women in detention centres. Women in countries not as fortunate as ours. Women across the fucking world. It’s fucking terrifying.
Things need to change.
Sometimes we don’t even know we are being harmful, as again, things like victim-blaming and rape culture is so normalised. From birth we are almost programmed to think a certain way of women and men.
We NEED to change our thinking. We NEED to speak up. We need to learn. We need to change how we raise our kids. To the good men - please get involved. Help end the culture. Instead of protesting against OUR protests... just listen to us. Fighting for womens rights doesn’t mean we are against you, we want you to hear us.
Gender-based violence is far too common. We need to fucking do something.
