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i’m so mad at myself because i ate a little too much and i know i’m going to have gained weight when i step on the scale tomorrow, and i’m also so mad at myself for letting it affect me, i think it’s just because ive plateaued like i’ve just been stuck fluctuating within half a pound for the past two weeks so everytime i eat too much i just know that i’m never going to break though it
Another summer. Now that it's getting warmer again and everyone wants to go the beach I still have panic attacks just thinking about it. And I'm mad because I was just as terrified last year when I was at least 15lbs lighter and probably looked way better than I thought I did. Now I'm actually over weight again and I feel like I wasted all that time looking good not seeing it all. Now everything's just amplified because I'm even bigger. And to top it all off my mom just found my weight calendar book and goes "what's this?!" None of your business that's what. I just feel so trapped and sad.
1/8/15
So I lost 1lb this week. Was really hoping since I kick started everything a week ago I would’ve lost more, but that is a healthy pace and it’s a loss so I can’t be upset. Now that I’m thinking about it I remember seeing the scale be at least 2lbs higher than it is right now so at least I have really lost weight I just never recorded it.
1/4/15
Super proud of myself for eating fairly well these past few days. I've been doing it slowly and not really saying I can't have something, but instead knowing that I'd rather make a better choice. Also I did some outer thigh exercises and my butt feels great lol! Also did a little abs, so far so good. I'm still struggling every minute of the day but I'm making good choices so I'm happy.
What scares me the most 9/28/14
Is that I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to lose the weight. The thought of being stuck like this or gaining more weight freaks me out. Like I know I can do it but it all depends how my body reacts and the timeline is out of my control really. I just keep thinking about things coming up in the next few months and how awful I’ll feel if I’m at this weight when they come. Like holidays, birthdays, school stuff. I just don’t want to feel as uncomfortable as I do now on days in supposed to be happy.
Not Gonna Quit 9/27/14
All I keep thinking about now that I gained so much weight is how great I must’ve actually looked when I was less. Like I must’ve actually really looked good, but I always have such a negative view of my body that I never could see it. One good thing now though I think, is that I actually don’t think I look that terrible, like I could look much worse. So yay for positive body image, but boo for not having it before.
Reset 9/26/14
Okay. I’m currently the highest weight I’ve been in over a year. I’ve gained an insane 17lbs since March and I’m just so disappointed in myself. I always do this to myself, and then I always do THIS to myself. But ya know what at least I stand back up and keep going. I’m going to be really honest about my actual weight this time. I’ve left my stats untouched just saying “oh I’ll just leave it until I get back down to whatever weight and then I’ll start from there” but that’s not happening. I need a 100% redo I have to do this. I’ve been avoiding the scale too much and it didn’t make me feel better because i haven’t gained muscle or anything it’s just weight. So, as of this morning I am 142lbs. I can’t believe I just posted that. My lowest weight was 125 back in mid March. And the thing is I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone really, just myself. But I know using this as a tool will hold me accountable. I’m really only posting this to be honest with myself not anyone else.
March 12, 2013 - Monday
Been crazy busy lately I have midterms and projects and I'm getting stressed. Ate good all day but ate way too many crackers with my soup and ice cream after wasn't smart, but who cares I'm allowed to mess up, tomorrow will be better
